


A Trick of Eros [Original Version]

by Dreamwind



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Culture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Angst, Bottom Jim, Domestic Violence, F/M, Family Drama, First Meetings, Fluff, Genderswap, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Mpreg, Intersex, M/M, Pregnancy, Romance, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Top Spock, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vulcan Culture, Vulcan Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 17:25:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 74,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10926552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamwind/pseuds/Dreamwind
Summary: An unexpected accident changes the course of life for a young James T Kirk and S'chn T'gai Spock. Upon first meeting they are drawn to each other and begin a wild love affair. But Jim holds a bevy of secrets that could destroy their relationship before they can join together as bondmates.





	A Trick of Eros [Original Version]

**Author's Note:**

> This is the original version of "A Trick of Eros" that was first posted in 2010. The new version of this story is up on AO3 as well under the same name and is still a WIP. I'm reposting the original version here because people keep asking me to. Apparently it's a bit hard to find on LJ & the K/S Archive.

**A Trick of Eros**  
  
**Original Version**

 

* * *

 

 

**Chapter 1**

 

* * *

 

  
  
**Riverside High School, Iowa**  
  
No one was quite sure how it happened, only that it had. Out of the thirty-two students in the chemistry class seven had been hit by the exploding experiment, and by the next morning all of them had been changed…

The seven students had all freaked out, of course, upon waking and seeing the changes that had happened to their bodies overnight. All considered, Jim thought he was handling it pretty good. Better than some of the others were. Janey Kelpmann was sitting on the floor sobbing, Andrea Nakamura hovering at her side trying to calm her down. Jim was standing with the others just a couple feet away, in a small cluster, trying not to watch their parents yelling at the Principal and the Chemistry Teacher, Mr. Bodeck. The parents had cornered the two at the other side of the room and were not exactly being quiet or calm about what had happened to their children.

Jim tried not to notice that his step-father Frank, was the most violent in tone of voice and movement, out of all the parents. Jim knew it wasn’t anger on his behalf, it was anger of Frank’s for having such a “freak” for a stepson. Jim glared over Scott Freedman’s shoulder at the back of his step-father’s flannel covered shoulders. This wasn’t Jim’s fault! Hell, none of them were at fault. The chemicals they used must have been tampered with. None of them would have willingly subjected themselves to this, let alone Scott, the schools star running back.

Jim looked away from his step-father, and glanced again at his fellow classmates. It was still just too weird. It really was like something out of an old 20th century sci-fi. Actually, Jim was sure there had been a famous Sci-fi novel like this.

Scott patted Jim’s shoulder in commiserating misery at the situation they found themselves in. Jim wouldn’t risk saying it to Scott’s face, but Scott was looking pretty smokin’ at the moment. He was still tall and all long limbs and tempting curves, his skin still smooth and rich as dark chocolate. Jim was sure Scott had turned out looking the best out of all of them. Of course Jim knew he looked pretty fine. Very few people could turn away from a tall, leggy blond with eyes as blue as his. Poor Janey hadn’t faired as well, still short and slightly pudgy, her eyes red and swollen from crying. She was cute, in a girl-next-door kinda way normally. It was just, she really didn’t suite herself, the way she looked right now.

Jim was thrust from his thoughts by the iron grip of his step-father’s hand on his upper arm. Silently Jim cursed the man. He could already feel the bruise forming were his step-father’s fingers were digging in.

“Come on, boy. I ain’t letting you show off this freakish body in public,” Frank’s voice came out as a low gravely growl.

Jim tried not to flinch, but it was as if every nerve ending in his body was on overload.

“I ain’t watching no freak like you anymore. You were trouble enough before. I ain’t putting up with the likes of you now that you’ve gone an’ become some kind of freaky pervert.” Frank sneered at him, yanking on Jim’s arm almost hard enough to dislocate it. “I shoulda known that nothin’ good would come of havin’ you around. Your Mom shoulda drowned you after your Dad died. She shoulda known it was a sign of how horrible and freakish you were gonna be, if your Dad had to go and kill himself just so he didn’ have to see you be born.”

Jim didn’t say anything, just hunched deeper into himself. Drawing his mental walls high and tight, trying to defend himself from the hurtful words. He couldn’t say anything. Saying something back would only piss Frank off more, and secretly some part of himself had begun to agree with Frank’s assessment of him years before. One could only listen to it and live through Jim’s life before hurtful words became soul deep festering wounds.

In a subdued manner, Jim allowed his step-father to drag him out of the front doors of the High School and to the parking lot and the waiting battered red truck. The ride back to the Kirk family farmhouse was filled with a long, oppressive silence. Of course most of Jim’s life was one big stretch of long, oppressive silence. Ever sense he was five and first realized his mother didn’t see him when she looked at him. All she saw was the ghost of a dead man. Her dead husband. It had driven a wedge between them and by the time he was seven his Mother had rejoined Starfleet to escape his presence and the ghost of George Kirk. Jim however, couldn’t escape George Kirk.

It wasn’t just his Mom and him who saw the ghost of George Kirk looking out from little Jim’s eyes. His brother Sam saw it too, and it left his eyes hard and sharp when they turned in Jim’s direction. Sam never forgave him for their Mom abandoning him to Frank and a house full of ghosts. It had left Jim trapped in the old farmhouse with a stepfather who loathed him for running his new wife off, and for being smarter than Frank and Sam could ever hope to be. Jim knew he was smart, smarter than Frank, smarter than Sam, and smarter than his classmates and teachers. Jim was just too smart for any of them to keep up with and that on top of everything else only seemed to make them hate him even more. Eventually Sam, like their Mom, had abandoned Jim as well. Left Jim to a man who hated him, who hit him and brow beat him. He left Jim.

So Jim had watched his brother leave, watched him walk off into the distance, Frank yelling at Sam’s fleeing back and some tiny hopeful part of Jim died. Jim had stood there and turned like a machine and followed Frank’s shrill voice. He bowed his head and went to his Dad’s, to George Kirk’s car, the car Frank claimed as his, and stared. This car…this car that was as much a symbol of the ghost of George Kirk as Jim was, this car that was a visible source of Frank’s rage, stared back and Jim felt that dead piece of his soul crumble. Before he had known it he had jumped behind the wheel and sped off down the driver, down the dirt roads, past his brother, past Riverside, past himself, until all that was behind him and only the open, gaping maw of the quarry and death’s waiting arms was ahead of him.

He had survived the rush of the car down the road, he survived driving it off the edge of the quarry, he survived that first rush of suicidal anger. He survived Frank pressing charges, he survived his Mother not caring enough to come home and help him and he survived being shipped off to Tarsus IV.

If he could survive that, he told himself, he could survive this little fuck-up in his path of life.

Frank didn’t say anything to Jim as he parked the car and stormed into the house. He just made a be-line for the phone in the kitchen. Jim closed the door behind him and headed up to his room, his mind still lost in painful thoughts of the past. He dropped his backpack on the floor and flopped down on the bottom bunk of the bunkbed. Even with his door closed he could hear Franks heavy footsteps on the floor below and the sound of his voice screaming at Winona Kirk over the vidphone in the kitchen.

Long empty minutes passed where the only sound was Frank and Winona screaming at each other. Finally the screaming stopped. The sound of Frank’s heavy footsteps heading up the stairs and down the hall reverberated in Jim’s head. He closed his eyes and tried to work out why his life sucked so much, purposely ignoring the loud sounds of slamming drawers and cursing coming from Frank’s room across the hall. Too soon though, the sound of Franks angry footsteps leaving the master bedroom to cross the hall to Jim’s room filled the silence. The door to his room was flung open with enough force for the doorknob to leave a hole in the wall.

Jim didn’t look away from the bottom of the upper bunk.

Frank glared from the doorway. “You’re on your own now, genius. I ain’t staying here to watch you anymore,” Frank turned to leave, stopping just out of sight he called back, “She ain’t coming back for you, boy.”

Jim clenched his eyes closed even tighter. He knew she wasn’t. She hadn’t before and she never would. He had understood that long before Frank or Sam had. She didn’t need him and he didn’t need her. Hadn’t needed her for years.

Franks footsteps faded as did the sound of tires on the dirt driver. Frank had left and Jim was now truly, physically alone. It changed nothing.  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
  
After Frank had left Jim had slept. When he woke the sun was low in the sky and his stomach was growling voraciously. Getting up Jim headed down the stairs. The house had cooled down some. Flicking the buttons on the heating system he busted the temperature up to 72 degrees. Yawning he wandered through the hall, into the kitchen and out the back into the yard. The stars were just starting to appear in the darker areas of the sky and crickets had already started the sing.

It would be a beautiful night, he could already tell.

“Betsy,” Jim called out, voice gentle and coaxing.

A long, low moo echoed from the small pasture by the barn. Making his way through the grass, Jim headed towards Betsy the cow. Jim couldn’t help but smile as he hopped the fence to the pasture. Betsy was slowly making her way to him, stopping occasionally to eat some grass.

“Come on girl, time to get you in the barn.”

Betsy followed him through the yard and into the barn. Already she was pushing past him, eager to get into the warm, dry barn and be milked.  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
  
**Dirt Road Several Miles Out of Riverside**  
  
Amanda tried desperately not to curse, scream or pull her hair. She had convinced her husband it would be a good idea to take some time and drive around the US while they were on Earth. ‘And look what happens! The rental hovercraft dies in the middle of nowhere!’

“Perhaps it would be best if we followed this road to the nearest town, Mother.”

Amanda looked at her son and husband, both calmly standing with their hands behind their backs. Although they didn’t show it, she was sure they were both quite cold. They shouldn’t be to far from Riverside, so it was likely the best option to just walk and hope they came across someone.

“Yes, perhaps you’re right.” Amanda smiled at her son. “We are in prime farming land, so perhaps we will find someone home before we came to the city.”

“Of course, Mother.”

The three of them were likely an odd sight to see walking down a deserted road. She would laugh if the increasing cold wasn’t a danger to the health of her husband and son.

Nearly an hour had passed before she spotted lights in the distance. A farm house.

Amanda picked up her pace, hurrying up the dirt road towards the house. The sun was just beginning to sink below smartly on the door, calling out, “Hello? Is anyone home?”

No voice answered back and nothing moved inside the house.

“Someone should be home,” Amanda muttered.

“Perhaps they are in that building,” Spock said, pointing across the yard to the old wooden barn, where a soft yellow light could be seen peaking out from under the door.

“Yes, that is a good idea, Spock. Perhaps they are just in the barn.” Amanda moved around her son and followed the porch along the side of the house to another set of steps dropping off in the yard directly across from the barn.

It was a short walk to the barn and Amanda couldn’t help but notice that there were places on both the house and barn that looked to have had a recent patch job. There were even more spots that looked like they were still waiting to be fixed. ‘Perhaps,’ Amanda though, ‘It is a fixer-upper?’

Amanda gently slide the smaller barn door open, stepping into the warm glow of the lights. She noticed fresh bailed hay in one corner across from a couple empty stalls. There were several more stalls along the same wall as the hay bails. The doors of the stalls were closed and more supplies could just be seen inside the stalls through the open upper hatches in the stall doors. As she peered into the stalls the soft sound of someone humming became clearer. She continued further into the barn and realized that the humming was coming from the stall directly next to the bails of hay.

Amanda approached quietly, enjoying the soft sound of the hummed song. Inside the stall was a teenage boy, his hair a rich honey blond, cropped short and slightly messy. He was dressed in a pair of worn, faded jeans and a blue sweatshirt, sleeves drawn up to his elbows. His face was hidden from view as he leaned in towards the cows side as he steadily milked the animal.

“If I might inquire –“ Spock’s soft voice was loud in the near silence, but still startled the boy into falling off his stool.

Blinking wide blue eyes, the boy stared up at them.

“Jeeesus! You startled me.”

Spock blinked owlishly at the human boy. “That was not my intention.”

“Yeah, yeah,” the boy sighed and stood up, brushing straw from the back of his legs. “Can I help you?”

Amanda smiled, “Our car broke down up the road a ways. Would you mind, terribly, if we used your phone to call for a tow?”

“Go ahead, but they won’t come for it until the morning.” The boy patted the cow's side and looked them over.

“Really,” sighed Amanda.

“Yeah. Phil Blockman has been the town drunk since his wife died. By this time of night he’s likely ten sheets to the wind.” The boy reached down and lifted the metal pail full of warm milk and moved to exit the stall, latching it securely behind him. “You can stay here tonight if you’d like.”

“It won’t be any trouble?”

“Nah,” the boy waved it off, “it’ll be nice to have some company.”

Amanda looked at the boy startled. “Are you here alone?”

“Yeah.” The boy shrugged and moved past Spock and Sarek towards the door in the back wall. The door opened, blasting them with a chilling air. The boy stepped inside, ignoring the cold and poured the milk into the machine filling the room. He quickly set the empty pail down and began flipping a few switches, stetting the machine in motion. “This’ll just take a sec,” he called out to them.

A moment later the boy stepped out of the room, closing the door. In one hand was an old fashioned glass bottle full of milk, in the other was the now empty pail. The boy set the pail down next to the cows stall before turning back to them. “Alright, let’s get you guys inside.” He looked over Spock and Sarek again.

“They’re starting to look like popsicles.”

The boy checked the latch on the stall one last time before turning and waving them to follow him out of the barn.

He flipped the lights down low and ushered them out the barn door. The doors creaked slightly as he closed them and suddenly they found themselves in the dark of night with only the light of the stars and the soft glow of the lights shinning through the farmhouse windows.

“My name’s Jim, by the way.”

Amanda looked away from the stars and back to Jim. “I’m Amanda, this is my husband Sarek and our son, Spock.”

Jim nodded politely to the two Vulcans. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

It didn’t take long before they had once again crossed the yard to the house. Jim lead them up onto the porch and to the back door opening into a warmly lit kitchen. Amanda paused to take in the sight of a human kitchen, a sight that brought back many memories of her childhood home.

Jim moved to the fridge, placing the bottle of milk inside. “Are you lot hungry? There’s some chicken pot pie left over from dinner yesterday.”

Sarek turned to look at the boy, not much younger than his son. “Vulcan’s do not consume meat.”

Jim turned from the fridge and began to open cupboards, looking through them. “I can find something without meat if you’d like? I have a bunch of fresh vegetables from the garden?”

“That is quite alright. I do not require sustenance at this time,” Sarek’s voice was even and soft. Jim looked over at Spock, who merely nodded his agreement.

“Ok,” Jim looked over to Amanda, “Would you like anything ma’am?”

“Would you happen to have some tea?”

“Yeah.” Jim moved to the counter under the shelves, pulling out a large metal tin from beside the toaster. “Is Huckleberry Tea okay?”

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

Jim turned away from them and went about preparing the tea. Amanda sat down at the kitchen table, Sarek and Spock quietly joining her. “You and Mr. Sarek can have the guest room her on the ground floor for the night. Spock can have my brother’s bed.”

Amanda smiled and took the gently steaming cup from Jim, giving his hand a little squeeze. “Where are the rest of your family, Jim?”

Jim set a cup down in front of Sarek and Spock, before sitting down in the empty chair beside Spock, his own cup of tea in hand. “Mom’s off in space somewhere, has been for years now. I don’t know where my brother is, he ran away awhile back, not long after Mom’s last time home.”

Amanda took a drink of the tea, trying to compose herself. “And your father? Surely he’s here somewhere.”

Jim’s face shut down all at once, all emotion vanishing until Amanda was sure she was looking at a Vulcan and not a human boy.

“He died the day I was born.”

Amanda’s hand covered her mouth and the small gasp that escaped her. “God, Jim! I’m sorry.”

Jim looked away and shrugged. “It’s okay. You can’t miss what you never had.” Jim stood and turned to leave the kitchen. “I’ll go get your rooms ready for you.”

Amanda just nodded, unsure how to react to the disturbing news of this nice young man’s family life.

“Do you require assistance?”

Amanda turned to look at her son, who was standing watching Jim with a blank expression that Amanda knew was hiding his worry for the other boy.  
Jim seemed to blink for a moment, startled, before a small smile slide across his features. “Sure. That’d be nice.”  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
  
Spock followed Jim up the stairs. The hallway was narrow and the walls were lined with numerous framed images of people who must have been family or ancestors of Jim’s family. Many had similar physical traits as Jim did. As they reached the top of the stairs and the landing spread into a wider hallway, part of which turned backwards towards the other half of the house, Spock noticed one photo of a blond woman holding a baby, a blond haired man who looked a great deal like Jim, standing at her shoulder. There was another similar picture next to it, where the baby was now a small child standing next to his sitting Mother, whose belly was heavy with child. The blond man was there again, this time smiling down at his wife and child. This picture was the last on the wall and Spock was left wondering why another picture showing baby Jim was not there. In fact, Spock realized very quickly, there were no pictures anywhere on the wall that he could see Jim in.

“I remind her too much of my Dad.”

Spock turned to look at Jim, who was looking at that last photo of the seemingly happy family, his blue eyes dark with some emotion that Spock didn’t understand.

“That’s why I’m not in the pictures. You were wondering, right?”

Spock nodded.

“She doesn’t see me when she looks at me. She sees him and everything that could have been,” the words were soft. Too soft for a human to have heard. Spock was sure Jim had not meant for him to hear.

Jim turned away from the picture and went down the hall, entering the room on the left side. Spock followed Jim into the room, taking in the unfamiliar atmosphere of a human bedroom. The room was small, but not as horribly cramped as the room on the space transport had been. To the left of the doorway was a wall with two other doors. Across from the doorway he stood in was a large window looking out into the yard. Beneath the window was an old wooden desk, it’s surface cracked and worn in places. To the left of the desk was a wooden bookshelf filled to overflowing with paperback books, some of which he noticed looked to have been written by authors who were not human. To the right of the desk, against the wall, was a set of bunk beds, the heads of which rested against the wall next to the window. Spock was not overly surprised that the beds were both neatly made, although the bottom bunk was slightly rumpled as if someone had been laying on top of the blankets.

As Spock took it all in, Jim moved through the room, nervously straightening anything that might be slightly out of place.

“This is your sleeping quarters,” inquired Spock.

“Yeah,” Jim gave Spock a small smile. “Would you rather have the top or bottom bunk?”

“I do not have a preference.”

“Okaaay,” Jim looked at Spock and then back to the bed, “You can have the bottom, that way if you get up in the night you aren’t likely to fall out of the bed.” Jim moved over to the bed and began to pull off the blankets and sheets. “Would you mind getting the blue sheets out of the hallway closet for me?”

“Affirmative, Jim. I will gather them.”

Spock stepped out of the room. There was a door directly across the hall, most likely another bedroom. There was another door to his lift, at the very end of the hall. As the door was too skinny to lead into another room, Spock surmised that it was logical that it was the hallway closet Jim had mentioned.

Sure enough, upon opening it Spock was greeted with the sight of several shelves full of household linens and towels. Carefully shifting the linens he located the blue sheets Jim had requested. Spock quietly removed them from the pile and closed the door. As he re-entered the bedroom he noted that Jim had already stripped the bed of it’s previous linens, which were piled up next to the desk. The clean blankets were folded and sitting on the desk top.

Jim thanked him and the two of them set about making up the bed. Jim seemed worried that there weren’t enough blankets and kept asking Spock if he was sure this amount would keep him warm enough. Spock found himself repeatedly stating that he would be at an acceptable temperature and if that ended up being incorrect he would simply request another blanket at that time. Jim had sighed, but relented. Altogether, it took approximately seven minutes and thirty-four seconds.

Jim gathered up the dirty linens and carried them into a bathroom that was behind one of the two doors on the bedrooms left wall. Looking through the doorway Spock noted the bathroom was as clean and orderly as the bedroom had been. The tiles were a mixture of cream and blue tones. He thought the cream tones more a product of age rather than a design choice. There was a white ceramic sink with a tan whicker basket between it and the wall. It was this basket in which Jim placed the linen.

“Okay, we have you all set. Now the guest room downstairs already has clean sheets, but we should get them some towels.” Jim gave Spock a smile. “Do you think they would rather stay downstairs, it only has a half-bath? I mean I could clean up the Master,” Jim waved his hand at the doorway across the hall, “If they would rather be near you?”

“I do not know their preference. Although, either room would be acceptable as a sleep space.”

“Okay.” Jim moved across the hall and looked into the Master bedroom. “Frank left it a pretty big mess, so maybe the guest room would be best. It’ll take to long to clean it.”

“That would be acceptable. Mother would object to you going out of your way for us if there is already an acceptable space available.”

Jim just looked Spock over, shaking his head. He’d never met anyone who used the word ‘acceptable’ so often, not that Spock really seemed to talk all that much. Still, it was kind of cute.

“Jim, might I inquire as to who Frank is?”

Jim froze, the muscles along his shoulders tightening. “Frank is…was my step-dad.” Jim left the bedroom and quickly moved to the hall closet, grabbing a couple of towels. Without looking at Spock, Jim turned and headed back down the stairs. “All of you can use the shower in my bathroom for now.”

Spock, trailing behind, placed his hand lightly on Jim’s shoulder. “My query has upset you. I meant no insult.”

Jim closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before turning to look at Spock. “It’s okay, Spock. You didn’t insult me. Frank and I…we just don’t get along.”  
Spock nodded slowly. “Very well. I shall refrain from mentioning him again.”

Jim gave a soft chuckle and gave Spock’s hand a gentle squeez. His smile warmer, Jim turned and headed back down the stairs.

Spock found himself momentarily frozen, his gaze locked on the hand Jim had touched. His skin felt super heated, a thrilling electric tingle shooting through his body. Jim had felt…he had felt perfect.

Spock looked back down the stairs and noticed Jim had stopped again and seemed to be working some primitive wall panel. There was a sudden metallic thump followed by a short while before quiet resumed. Spock moved to catch up with Jim as he moved away from the panel and back to the kitchen.  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
  
“I’ve got the heat pushed up to 85 degrees,” Jim said looking carefully at Sarek never quiet meeting his eyes. “Will that be warm enough?”

Sarek watched the young human for a moment before nodding. “That will be acceptable.”

“Ok.” For a moment Jim seemed a bit uncertain. It was brief though and Spock began to wonder if it hadn’t just been a figment of his human half’s imagination.

“The guest room on this floor is clean and ready for you. If you’d like a hot shower I have some clean towels and you are welcome to use the shower attached to my room.”

“That would be lovely, thank you.” Amanda smiled up at Jim, setting her cup back down.

Jim shrugged and smiled at Amanda. “If you leave your cloths out I the hall I can wash and dry them for you. I can leave some clean pajamas in the bathroom for you?”

“You’re very kind.”

“It’s no problem, Ma’am.”

Amanda stood and went to pick up Sarek and her empty cups. Jim’s hand softly touching hers stopped her.

“Don’t worry about those. You’re a guest, I can take care of that.”

Amanda found herself smiling again. There was something about this young man, something that left her smiling and feeling very…Motherly. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he didn’t seem to have any family, or perhaps it was the almost shy kindness he was showing. There was nothing forced about it, it was simply as if he couldn’t understand why he shouldn’t allow them to come into his house when he didn’t know them from Adam. “Thanks you, Jim.” Amanda smiled and patted the boys hand. “You mentioned a warm shower.”

“Yeah. I’ll show you the way.”

Sarek stood, the move slow but graceful. His hand reached out towards Amanda, two fingers extended. Jim removed his hand from her arm and watched as Amanda met Sarek’s two fingers with two of her own. A soft smile spread across her face as their fingers touched.

There was something almost breath taking about the sight. God, but he wanted that. He wanted someone, anyone, to look at him like that. Like he was their sun, their world, their heart. He wanted that look of unconditional love.

Jim turned away from the almost intimate sight of the two and turned to lead them out of the kitchen, past the stairs and towards the front of the house. He stopped at the second door on the left side of the hall and looked at the three strangers. “This is the guest room and the toilet is just over there across the hall. I’ll leave a small light on inside the bathroom for you tonight.”

Sarek and Amanda nodded and stepped into the room. Sarek set down the travel case he had been carrying with him while Amanda took in the room.

It was fairly large for a guest room. The floors, although slightly worn, was still hardwood and the walls looked to have been recently painted a soft buttery yellow. There was a large window looking out at the front yard. The bed was an old brass queen covered in pillows and a handmade patchwork quilt. Overall it was very home-y.

“I can get you some extra blankets if you need.”

“That’s quite alright. I am sure we’ll be alright.” Amanda turned to smile at Jim and couldn’t help but smile wider at the sight of her son standing at Jim’s side. It was strange but looking at them next to each other, it was like they belonged there.

There was a wide, pleased smile on Jim’s face. “I’ll show you upstairs. The only clean shower is the one attached to my room.” Here Jim winced slightly. “It’ll take maybe twenty minutes to get the shower in the other room clean.”

Amanda patted his shoulder as she stepped past him, out of the room. “That’s alright. We can take turns.”

Jim gave her a small smile and lead them upstairs and into his room. Like Spock had, Amanda found herself looking at the photos and becoming upset that Jim was not in any of them as anything more than a bump in his Mother’s belly. Jim’s room was clean and as neat as her own sons, Amanda was pleased to note.

Jim set the towels on the lid of the hamper in the bathrooms and stepped back out of the room. “I can get you one of my Mother’s nightgowns, and if you don’t mind Mr. Sarek, you can use some of my winter pajamas.”

Sarek gave Jim a small nod and watched as the human boy moved around his son to get into a set of drawers at the far side of the room. Jim pulled open the bottom drawer and took out two pairs of flannel pajamas. A dark blue set was placed on the bottom bunk of the bed and the second pair, a rich forest green, was brought to Sarek.

“These are the longest ones I have. Don’t know how well they’ll fit though.”

Sarek nodded in response and watched the boy quickly disappear into the hallway. Amanda’s voice had Sarek turning to face her.

“He seems like a nice boy. It worries me though that he doesn’t have any family here with him.”

“Indeed,” Sarek replied, voice even. It was a worrying fact. Jim didn’t appear to be an adult yet by human standards and as such should still be under his parents care. Sarek may not have said anything but he too had noticed all the little signs pointing to this not being a healthy, functioning family. It would be logical to inform a figure of authority that Jim had been abandoned, so that the boy could receive the proper care.

Amanda smiled, “Why don’t you take the first shower and I’ll go next. Spock can take one once we’re done.”

“That is acceptable.”

“I hope these’ll fit you okay, Ma’am,” said Jim as he came back into he room. “My Mother didn’t exactly leave a big selection here.”

“I’m sure they will be fine.”

“Right, well…I’ll just be downstairs if you need me.” Jim turned and grabbed a backpack from the floor by the door and headed back downstairs.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**Chapter 2**

 

* * *

  
  
**Day 1; 1 hour later, Kirk Farm**  
  
Jim had moved into the larger living room at the front of the house. It was probably his favorite room as Frank never used it and his Mother couldn’t bear to be inside it. Frank avoided it because the room was more of a library than a living room, and his Mother . . . his Mother didn’t like it because it had been his Father’s and was as much a painful reminder of the man and his death as Jim, himself, was. As such Jim had been able to use the room uninterrupted and alone, since Sam had left. Although, even when Sam was here, he rarely went into the room if Jim was already in it.

There was an old fashioned stone fireplace on the wall that was now sporting a warm wood fire. The fire wasn’t really needed considering how high the thermostat was set, but Jim liked the way the light from the fire cast shadows around the room. The glow was flickering, dancing over the rug and across the leather couch and wingback chair, up the bookshelves lining the walls and across Jim’s seated figure. There was something soothing and almost hypnotic about it.

Jim was sitting sideways, legs over the arm of the wingback chair. His head was tilted to rest on the back of the chair as he read through the PADD in his hand. It wasn’t homework per se, just some stuff one of his teachers had gotten for him from a contact in the V.S.A. It was far more challenging, intriguing and just all around mentally stimulating than what they were teaching at school. His teacher had noticed how bored he was and instead of leaving Jim to do as he pleased he tried to find ways to keep Jim interested and in school. Less trouble to find ways to keep Jim interested than to leave him to himself, where he might cause some form of property damage. He also found it ironic that his teacher had given him a PADD full of Vulcan teaching lessons on the same day that a Vulcan family arrived on his doorstep. If he believed in fate it might have worried him.

“May I inquire as to what you are reading?”

Jim nearly jumped out of his skin at the soft sound of Spock’s voice. “Shit! Don’t sneak around like that.” Jim’s free hand clutched the armrest. “Damn near gave me a heart attack.”

“I did not intend to, as you say ‘sneak around’.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jim waved at him and relaxed back into his chair. “Just try to make a little noise when you move.”

Spock inclined his head towards Jim and moved further into the room. The light of the fire danced across the planes of his face, catching and seeming to ignite in his eyes. It left Jim breathless, his body feeling as if it would ignite along with the flames in Spock’s eyes. Jim knew he was staring but couldn’t help it. Spock had to be the single most attractive man he had ever seen.

“—are you well?”

“What?” Jim blinked.

“I inquired as to your state of health. You appear flushed and you appear to be breathing in fast, deep breaths.”

“Oh,” Jim blushed, even more embarrassed he had been caught. “No, I’m fine. Just a little warm.”

“Very well.”

Jim found himself in a rather strange position. He had never had to share this room with anyone before, especially not someone who made things low in his body clench and tingle. There was also the uncomfortable feel of his pants beginning to get wet from the arousal spreading through his body as he gazed at Spock like a man in the desert looking at an oasis.

Shit. He was so screwed.

Several more minutes passed as Jim simply watched Spock move through the room looking at the books. Jim was mildly surprised by the brief look of awe and respect that passed over Spock’s features as he read some of the titles and ran his fingers over some of the spines of the old 20th Century leather-bound books.

“You can read them if you want,” Jim said with a smile.

“These are all carbon printed,” the tiniest hint of awe came out.

“Yeah.” Jim stood, setting the PADD down on the chair. “most of them have been in my Father’s family since the 20th Century. There’s even a few signed 1st editions.”

“They are all human novels?”

“All of them down here are. I have several upstairs written by other species though if you’d rather read one of them.”

“That is unnecessary. I have not read many works by humans.”

Jim moved to stand at Spock’s side, basking in the warmth radiating from the other’s body. “It’s not that surprising. Human works are very emotional, which is probably an uncomfortable read for a Vulcan.”

Spock nodded but didn’t say anything.

“If you really want to read something human I would suggest maybe Sherlock Holmes, unless you want something more fantastical? Otherwise Sherlock would be good, it is more logic oriented than many others in here.” Jim reached up pulling down a thick leather bound volume.

Spock accepted the book, surprised by both the weight of the book and the electric tingle that shot through his hands to his groin as his fingers brushed Jim’s. Spock had to push down the urge to jerk his hand away, even as he battled the desire to rub their fingers together.

“Of course if you want something else there are a large number of fantasy and sci-fi novels you could read?” Jim pointed to various sections on the bookshelves. “History, horror and mystery novels are over here as well.”

“This volume is acceptable.”

Jim nodded and for a moment the room was still and silent, save for the cracking sound of the wood burning in the fireplace. Jim licked suddenly dry lips, his eyes unable to move away from Spock. His groin was throbbing now and Jim was sure Spock could tell . . . surely Spock could tell. God, but a part of him wanted Spock to know!

“I –“ Jim was cut off by the sound of footsteps and low voices, heralding the approach of Spock’s parents.

Jim took a step back from Spock as his parents entered the room. He couldn’t help but rub his palms on his pant legs. This whole moment was too surreal. Having three other people in this room with him, lord but it was jarring on his senses.

“The bath upstairs is free now, Spock.” Amanda stood at her husband’s side, smiling softly at her son and Jim.

“Thank you, Mother.” Spock nodded at Jim then turned and left the room, nodding at his parents as he passed. Jim tried not to smile too large at the realization that Spock was still holding the book of Sherlock Holmes stories.

“You have a lot of books here, Jim.”

Jim turned to look at Amanda, who like her son was moving around the room, fingers trailing along the book spines. “I guess so.”

Amanda tossed him another smile.

“Like I told Spock, your welcome to read them as long as you’re here.”

“Thank you.” Amanda pulled a book off the shelf carefully thumbing through it. “Are there any here that you recommend?”

Jim shrugged. “Depends on what you want to read. There’s a bunch of cheesy romance novels my Grandmother was fond of if you want something simple and quick. There are quiet a few classics like ‘The Complete collection of H.G. Wells,’ ‘Hamlet,’ or ‘The Arabian Nights.’ There’s also books of poetry by authors like Lord Byron or Edgar Allen Poe. There are also all kinds of fantasy novels by authors like Mercedes Lackey, J.K. Rowling and R.A. Salvator. Or there are horror novels like ‘Dracula,’ or numerous books by Laurell K. Hamilton or Stephen King.” Jim smiled at the startled look on the older woman’s face.

“That is more than enough to pick from.”

“You sure,” Jim grinned even wider, “I have a good selection of sci-fi novels by S.M. Sterling or Ursela K. Ligune.”

Amanda laughed. “I think I’ll be fine with Lord Byron,” she said, patting the cover of a slim hardback.

“Okay then. Do you want to read in here? I can leave the fire going for you?”

“That is alright. I can read in bed, just fine.” Amanda moved closer to where Sarek stood by the wingback chair where Jim had been sitting.

Jim almost flinched as he realized that Mr. Sarek was reading the PADD that Jim had been given. Jim didn’t know how Mr. Sarek would take finding the Vulcan PADD here, Jim’s teacher had told him not to share it with others, so Jim was fairly sure that he wasn’t meant to have had it, let alone given it to Jim, even if it had been to him by a member of the Vulcan Science Academy.

Sarek looked up from the PADD to Jim. “From whom did you receive this?”

Jim took a deep breath, stood straight and pushed his chest out. “An instructor at my high school arranged to obtain it from a friend of his who is part of the Vulcan Science Academy. My instructor thought that it would be more interesting for me than what the school teaches here.”

Sarek gave him a blank look, but Jim knew he didn’t believe him.

“You understand this material,” although there was no inflection to the words, Sarek’s skepticism was obvious.

“There’s nothing really too complex or hard to understand in that,” Jim shrugged. “It’s certainly more interesting and challenging than anything taught at Riverside High.”

“Fascinating.”

“Sarek, dear, give him back his PADD. We have all had a long day and I’m sure Jim would like to get ready for bed.”

Sarek nodded at his wife and gently placed the PADD back on the chair. With a quiet nod at Jim, Sarek stretched two fingers out to his wife, who met his fingers with two of her own. Fingers still touching the two of them left, heading back to the guest room.

Jim let out the breath he had been holding. He didn’t know what it was about the older Vulcan, but he left Jim feeling shaky as a newborn and yet Jim also felt the need to go all ‘alpha male.’ Was it because he was an adult male in Jim’s territory? Crap. This couldn’t end well.

Turning away from the empty doorway, Jim went about putting out the fire and straightening up any loose books. When still no sounds of his guest returning came, he grabbed the PADD, shoved it in his backpack and headed back upstairs to his room.

As Jim entered his room the sound of the shower running came through the door, letting him know Spock was still using it. Jim set down the backpack and grabbed a clean pair of boxers and a shirt. Jim was hesitant to knock on the door to see if Spock would be done soon. He wanted a shower but didn’t want to disturb Spock or risk using the shower in Frank’s room.

Deciding a shower could wait until tomorrow, Jim stripped out of his cloths, pilling them on the floor by his dresser. Naked, the shock of this mornings revelation returned. He wasn’t really Jim Kirk, if anything he was a Jamie Kirk. Christ but he couldn’t get over the fact he had breasts and a cunt now!  
Jim couldn’t help but run his hands over his new body taking in all the strange and exciting sensations that rippled through his flesh directly to his soaked and dripping cunt. His hand drifted lower over his belly causing his legs to clench and rub. God, but it was almost unbearable how badly he wanted to keep touching himself, herself. He couldn’t, shouldn’t though. God, he should stop because he couldn’t let Spock see!

_‘Oh, Spock…’_

_‘Spock!’_

Jim’s eyes snapped open, his hand jerking away from the damp slice of skin they had been stroking as he realized the sound of the shower had stopped. Jim cursed under her breath, but didn’t turn to face the bathroom door. She could hear the sound of someone else breathing heavy behind her. Jim swallowed hard and turned around, eyes locked on the floor.

 _‘Shit,’_ Jim thought, _‘He saw me!’_

Sure enough his eyes saw a pair of slightly green damp feet. Those feet were connected to a pair of long legs, which met at sharply jutting hips. Jim tried not to blush as he took in the sight of Spock pelvis. Unlike Jim’s had been the day before, Spock’s was flat and smooth save for a vertical slit that was a slightly darker shade of green than the rest of his body. As Jim watched Spock’s body shivered, a trail of water sliding down his body, over the slit, which began to part, revealing the jade colored head of Spock’s cock. Jim’s breathing came out in harsh panting breaths as he watched the jade flesh push further and further out, until a long column of flesh was revealed. It was similar and jet so different from a humans. The shape was similar if slightly thinner toward the tip and thicker at the base, than a humans was. It was also a bit longer, the flesh damp and shinny, unlike a humans.

A low rumble. A purr, made Jim raise his eyes, higher, away from the tempting flesh.

Spock’s abdomen was flat and smooth, the muscles defined just enough to notice and tempt Jim to reach out and touch them. His shoulders were broad and strong.

Spock’s finger reached out, touching Jim’s face lightly, caressing his cheek. His other hand reached out, sliding down Jim’s pubic bone and into the hot wet cavern of Jim’s new female parts. Jim cried out, hands gripping Spock’s arms, hips bucking into Spock’s hand.

“You are wet,” Spock removed his fingers, making Jim moan at the loss. Raising them, Spock studied the fluids soaking his fingers. “Most fascinating. You are producing this naturally.”

“God, yes,” Jim grabbed Spock’s hand, thrusting it back between her legs. She had been female all day and hadn’t had a chance to explore her new body. Then along comes Spock and damn but the sight of Spock had left her all hot and bothered. And that voice! God his voice was smooth and heavy, and Jim could tell it would become deeper as he aged, until it was like a deep, sinful caress of velvet. And now, to top it off, she had a naked, wet Spock standing in front of her. Damn if the sight didn’t leave Jim feeling like a bitch in heat.

Jim pressed himself up the length of Spock’s body, hips moving against both Spock’s hand and his groin. Spock’s fingers were soft yet firm, hesitant, but slowly growing bolder. The feel of them moving deep inside felt so good! Better than anything she had ever done to himself.

Jim continued to hold Spock’s hand, trying to guide it in masturbating her. Her other hand reached up to the back of Spock’s neck, pulling Spock to her. When their lips crushed together, Jim found her body jerking on Spock’s hand, her mouth opening with a gasp. Jim pressed their lips back together, her pink tongue pushing into Spock’s mouth, tracing every inch of the hot, wet cavern. Spock tasted like tea, heat and some spice unknown to Jim.

Spock began pushing his tongue against Jim, moaning into Jim’s mouth. Jim clutched Spock to her, rubbing their bodies together, silently begging for more. More of those wicked fingers delving deep inside, more of that tongue making demands of her own, and more of that other hand which had moved from her face to her back. That hand was sliding down Jim’s back leaving a riot of tingling sensations flooding Jim’s senses and his mind.

Spock pulled their mouths apart with a gasp. Jim found her head leaning to the side, exposing the naked length of her neck. Her chest heaved, pressing her breasts against Spock’s chest. The feel of Spock’s light scattering of chest hair against her nipples sent shivers down her spine, straight into her groin.

Spock’s dark eyes, as rich and sinful as the finest chocolate, seemed to get darker as they traced the contours of Jim flushed face and swollen lips. Somehow Jim knew Spock was savoring the feel of their bodies pressing together just as much as she was. Spock leaned in, nuzzling his face into Jim’s neck, his breath hot against Jim’s skin. Jim’s body arched and she bit her lip to keep from screaming in pleasure as Spock’s mouth began working at his neck every bit as vigorously as he had on Jim’s mouth.

The pressure inside her body was building with an insane speed. With each slow glide of Spock’s tongue up her neck, with each stroke of those fingers deep within her slick passage, Spock brought her closer to orgasm. Spock’s other hand had once again moved from her face back to her buttocks. The long fingers clutched her buttocks, lifting Jim off the ground, holding her so that only Spock’s body pressed against Jim’s, and the hand gripping Jim’s ass, was keeping Jim from dropping to the floor. Spock moved them slowly towards the wall at Jim’s back, each movement sending Spock’s fingers deeper into Jim’s willing body.

Jim whimpered as her back hit the wall, her body giving a violent shiver as he moved inexorably closer to an ever approaching cliff. Jim wasn’t sure what would happen when Spock drove her over that cliff. A part of her felt terrified at the newness of the sensations and another part reveled in them and in the realization that it was Spock causing them. She wanted it, wanted Spock, with every once of her being.

“Spock,” the name came out in a long breathy moan. “Oh, Spock! Please!”

Jim opened her eyes, unsure when she had closed them, to find Spock watching her. His gaze like a pair of hands running over Jim, possessive in their touch.  
Jim gasped and moaned as Spock’s hand, still slick with her fluids began to fondle her breast. He tweaked, pulled, pinched and rolled Jim’s nipples until Jim was begging him for more, to finish her, for something! Spock’s hand vanished, leaving her gasping and panting, eyes nearly in tears with the overwhelming need for release.

“You will say my name,” it came out in a low rumbling growl, more command than request.

“Spock,” Jim cried out.

An almost feral smile spread over Spock’s face. The sight of such a fierce smile on a face that until then had been almost a blank mask, was easily one of the most arousing things Jim had ever seen.

Spock lifted Jim higher and took Jim’s breast into his mouth, tongue sliding over the hard nub. Spock’s fingers took the opportunity to plunge back into Jim, stroking over her clit. Jim’s body clenched tight, the tension inside her peaking, breaking and flooding her with pleasure. Through the pleasure raking her body, Jim could feel Spock’s cock like a branding iron, pushing against Jim’s thigh. The feel of the silken flesh, hard as iron, the small tremors of pleasure vibrating in Spock’s flesh, the light brush of that black hair against her skin, was enough to push her over the edge. Jim came, body arching into Spock, hands sliding up Spock’s neck, over his gracefully pointed ears and into the pitch-black hair.

As the last spasms of pleasure began to fade, Jim found her body going limp in Spock’s arms. Her chest was heavy, pulling in huge, gulping breaths. Jim blinked slowly, moaning in pleasurable aftershocks as Spock removed his fingers from Jim’s dripping cunt. Jim watched Spock as he raised his hand to once again stair at his slick and dripping fingers, soaked in the flood of Jim’s release. Something about the sight was incredibly erotic. So much so that Jim felt arousal begin to build between her legs again.

Suddenly both of Spock’s hands were on her ass, lifting Jim so that she had to wrap her legs around Spock’s hips. The movement caused Jim to cry out as she felt Spock’s erection brush the sensitive opening of her body. Even as Spock moved them away from the wall to the bottom bunk, he managed to keep Jim just high enough on his hips that Jim would constantly feel Spock’s erection but never be able to be penetrated by it. It was maddening. It was electrifying. It was going to bring her either to the brink of orgasm or the brink of madness. Either way Jim knew it would be life altering.

Spock carefully lowered them both onto the bed, the movement startlingly graceful. Jim had been sure that Spock would have tossed her onto the bed and then pounced on her if the almost feral look in his eyes were accurate. But instead Spock was gentle. No one had ever really been gentle with her before. It was . . . nice.

Spock sat on the bed at Jim’s side, fingertips tracing patterns on Jim’s thighs. Jim couldn’t help but smile at him. Jim had never felt as loved and happy as he did at this moment, sitting here with an alien hybrid he had only know for a few short hours. It had to be fate that they had met. She couldn’t imagine what her life would be like from this point forward, knowing there was someone out there who could look at her like Spock was looking at her. Even if she never saw him again, which she truly hoped wouldn’t happen, she knew this one night would help to fill that empty place inside her heart.

Her eyes met Spock’s and Jim licked her lips, stretching her hand out until her fingers grazed the silken skin of Spock’s hard shaft. The organ was flush a dark jade, almost emerald in color. The skin was slick with some kind of naturally produced lubrication that seem to be natural coming out of the pores on the organ and there just under the head of the cock was a hard little nub. Jim wasn’t sure what the nub was for but when he touched it Spock threw his head back and cried out. The sight was enough to leave Jim panting, fingers rubbing over the spot again and again, until Spock had to grab her wrist, eyes begging her to stop before she could bring him off. Jim smiled slyly at Spock as he released Jim’s wrist. Jim let his fingers move back down the alien erection, tracing the almost female like lips that the shaft rose out of, before sliding out to the skin just below. The skin there had a similar texture to Spock’s erection and bulged slightly away from his hips, almost like a Ken dolls. Jim was fairly sure that the bulging flesh housed Spock’s testicles as Jim’s own scrotum had before his sudden alteration of gender.

Jim gazed up at Spock from under long lashes as his fingers once again traced their path back up to Spock’s throbbing cock. Jim traced the vein on the underside from based to tip, putting slightly more pressure on the hard nub, before wrapping the head in a fist. She gave an experimental squeeze and finding the right amount of pressure, gave the cock a long pull down and back up, twisting her fist over the head.

Spock’s chest seemed to vibrate as he let out a rumbling purr that sounded suspiciously like, “Jim.”

Suddenly, Jim found herself on her back, her legs spread and Spock kneeling between them. He lifted Jim’s hips, spreading her legs wider until he could nudge against Jim’s entrance, His hand moved over Jim’s rounded hips, combing through the golden curls to delve between her lips. Jim’s new folds parted gently at Spock’s touch, an electric tingle following the path of Spock questing fingers. Jim knew Spock would find her wet and ready for him.

His finger moved away from the tempting flesh so that his erection could nudge at Jim’s entrance, hot and insistent. Jim wanted Spock. Wanted him to thrust, needed him to thrust, needed to feel him deep inside where no one else had touched Jim. And God above did it feel good when he did! There was a brief sense of pain and then Jim felt herself open for Spock. Her body rippling around Spock’s length, teasing and hugging his cock in a wet but firm embrace. Spock moved in and out of Jim with long, smooth strokes, Jim’s body, and her thoughts surrounding him.

It may have started slow and gentle, but like their kisses before, Spock was soon taking Jim with gentle force, ruthless control and a primal passion. Jim had never felt so full, or so sexually hungry as she did at this moment as Spock began to thrust faster. His head nuzzled into Jim’s neck, his lips leaving hot wet kisses all the way up to her ears. Spock’s next thrust went deep, sliding hard against Jim’s cervix.

Jim’s control snapped and she came again, moaning and bucking beneath Spock.

She didn’t think she could move, her legs felt like weights had been tied to her ankles. Only Spock’s hands on her hips were keeping her in place. All Jim could do was stay there, still and submissive and let Spock take her, to quench his lust inside her.

And boy-oh-boy did Spock take her!

Rearing back, withdrawing until only the dripping tip of him remained inside her. Jim felt him grip her hips harder in one hand, the other reaching up to grip the blanket by Jim’s shoulder, bracing himself and Jim as he plunged back inside. Jim’s head flung back even as the force of Spock’s thrust pushed her up the bed. Jim tried to brace herself, spreading her legs wider, her hands clutching at Spock’s back and shoulders.

Still Spock pushed up and plunged back in a long, smooth glide, his cock rubbing against Jim’s clit, making Jim cry out and thrust back onto Spock’s length. Jim was sure she was making enough noise to bring Spock’s parents rushing into the room, but for the life of her, she couldn’t make herself care. Every inch of her body, inside and out, was vibrating, singing its praise for Spock. Maybe this would just be a one-night stand, but at this moment Jim felt truly loved. She felt cherished and protected, as she never had before.

At that moment, James T. Kirk fell madly in love with Spock.  
  
  
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Spock didn’t understand why seeing Jim standing nude in the bedroom had snapped his strict control so badly. Perhaps it was the smell of her lust, the shock of realizing Jim was female, or maybe it was the almost shy look in her eyes as she gazed at him slowly being transformed by her obvious approval of his physical appearance. What ever the reason it had certainly done what nothing else ever had quite so badly, it had rendered mute all his Vulcan control and let his Human needs surge forwards. For a moment he was sure that he had been struck by an early Pon Farr, the need to touch, to claim her had been so strong.

He had kissed her and touched her in ways he had only vaguely dreamed of and never let himself actively think of while awake. Each touch of her flesh was intoxicating and Spock found himself throwing away all the logical reasons that told him they shouldn’t be doing this and simply threw himself into her.

He was buried inside her body, lost in the touch of her skin, the sound of her voice crying out his name, over and over again. There at the edge of his mind he realized he was picking up her emotions, her pleasure, her unconditional joy at his existence, through the intimate touch of their joined bodies. He didn’t care though, there was nothing wrong or disgusting about Jim’s mind and his joining and dancing as their bodies were. Something about this moment, something about her just felt right.

His hands moved, cupping the side of her face, fingers searching for the right spot to truly touch her. Then they found it and the sensations, the emotions he had only vaguely been aware of were filling his mind, their mind. He was awash in a sea of emotion and sensation that was and yet wasn’t his. He was aware of every physical sensation in his body and Jim’s body all at once. He felt it as he thrust into her willing, craving body and felt himself being filled by that same thrust that he knew he was making as if her body was his body. Their two selves were surging and blending into an indistinguishable maelstrom, one endless being. Their pleasure rose and fell together spinning and surging like a tsunami in his-their mind. Their flesh trembled, their emotions, all drove them wild and they-he gave into their own need. His-their hips hammered into them-her with a crazed, animalistic savagery. He-they could feel his blood surge faster into his-their cock, the flesh growing harder, thicker as the nub under the head shivered and extended from his cock, lodging into her-their feminine walls. A moment later, they stilled, the world stilled, time itself stilled, as every muscle in their body tensed and released as they cried out, voice as one, and came.  
  
  
  


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**Chapter 3**

 

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**Day 2; 1 Hour Before Dawn, Jim’s Bedroom**  
  
It was still dark out when Jim woke and although she was exhausted and sore, her internal clock had still awakened her before dawn. Jim lay there for a moment, letting her eyes adjust to the dark room before carefully slipping out of Spock’s arms. She paused for a moment, taking in the sight of her sleeping guest…lover, before getting out of the bed and getting dressed. Betsy was still waiting to be milked and there were still the chickens to feed and get eggs from.

The house was quiet, so Jim tried to remain so as well. After slipping past Spock and into the bathroom she took a quick wash in the sink and used the toilet before slipping back out of the room, heading out to the barn. She could take a long hot shower once she had gotten all the morning chores out of the way.  
The walk out of the house to the barn didn’t take long but it had her wide awake. The night air was still brisk enough that she could see each breath as if puffed out. Looking up at the sky, she gave it another two hours and that would change. The normal routine of the farm chores was calming and Jim found herself rehashing the last few days. This had definitely been the most unusual week of her life, probably the biggest emotional rollercoaster as well. Yet, she was strangely happy. Happier than she could ever remember being.

Last night, whatever had happened with Spock, it was certainly more than physical. She couldn’t ever remember experiencing anything remotely similar. Not that she had anything to really compare it to. She had a vague idea of what sex should be like, she was a teenager and had spent a large portion of her days bringing herself to orgasm. That wasn’t the same though. This had been physical pleasure on a scale she couldn’t achieve with just her right hand. The thing Spock had done with his mind, fusing them into almost one being so that their physical sensations were echoing between both of them, spiraling and surging through them in ways Jim just didn’t have the words to describe. It was sex and yet it wasn’t just sex. There had been something more. Something she just didn’t know how to define. She had felt something with Spock’s mind joined to hers that made her mind feel empty and incomplete now that they weren’t touching.

She wondered if it would always be like that. If she could have a similar physical and emotional reaction to sex with someone else that was just as powerful. Did it feel like that for everyone their first time? Or was it simply something rare and special for Jim to have experienced since her partner was Spock? Somehow she didn’t think everyone lost their virginity like Jim just had. Maybe it was the universe’s way of saying “Sorry we’ve fucked you over so often,” or maybe it was a brief moment of light in an otherwise endless darkness.

Well, she was certainly being maudlin.

Jim forced herself away from the darker thoughts and the more pleasant as well. It wouldn’t do to start getting distracted when she still had to finish milking Betsy or when she had to get to the chickens. Still, Jim couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across her face each time she thought of Spock and that dark, penetrating gaze of his as he watched her, as he touched her and loved her.

Jim closed her eyes, reveling in the moment and the memory that Spock had, even if only that one time, loved her in a way that no one else did.  
  
  
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Spock rolled over onto his side, nuzzling the soft body clutched tight against his own. He took a deep breath, taking in the rich musky scent of arousal, sex and the heady scent of Jim that lingered on the bed. Although rich and intoxicating the scent was also growing faint. Spock pulled the form closer, tossing a leg over it. Lazily his still sleepy mind registered that the “body” he cuddle up against was too soft and squishy to be his Jim. Cracking open an eye, he scanned the pillow that had taken his Jim’s place before scanning the rest of the room.

Jim wasn’t here.

Spock found himself vaguely irritated that his mate had left their bed when she should be here, eagerly begging for his cock.

Blinking, Spock pulled away from the pillow. His own thoughts startled him. _‘The scent of our mating must be affecting me.’_

Spock tossed the blankets aside and almost sprang out and away from the bed. His emotions felt wild, almost primal every time he thought of his lovely Jim. His logic seemed to rapidly disappear when he thought of her. He needed to regain control of himself before he could face his parents, before he could face Jim. If he saw her now there was a high probability he would rip the cloths from her body, push her over the first piece of sturdy furniture and mount her like a wild beast.

Spock’s whole body gave an excited shudder at the mental image. The temperature of his body rose, his skin flushing jade. A long low growl rumbled past his lips as his body stumbled closer to the bed. Suddenly and without quite knowing how, Spock found himself facedown on the bed, hips rutting against the pillows and blankets that had been scattered across the bed during his hasty exit. The rich scent of Jim was making it hard to focus. Mmmm, but he found he loved that smell. Loved it almost as much as the feel of Jim’s mind intertwining with his own.

A rush of tactile sensation and visual memories flooded his mind in a tsunami of desire, leaving Spock feeling as if he would drown in them as he crashed on the shores of a sudden climax.

His limbs suddenly felt heavy and clumsy. Spock took a deep shuddering breath and tried to ignore the small spark of lust that sprung to life in his belly. Slowly, he gained control of his limbs again and pushed himself up and off the bed. He tried not to grimace at the sight of the ill-used bed, soaked in his seed.

There had been nothing logical about this.

Telling himself he wasn’t fleeing, Spock headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.  
  
   
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Jim gave one last good stretch before she reached down and picked up the basket full of chicken eggs. The sun was just starting to peek out over the horizon and Jim was sure her guests would be awake soon. Hurrying inside the house, Jim took off her dirty boots, leaving them on the porch before stepping inside. Carefully she set the basket of eggs on the kitchen counter before making a quick bee-line to her room and the waiting shower.

Jim closed the bedroom door behind her as she quickly began pulling off her dirty cloths. The sound of the shower running filtered into her consciousness as she was dropping her cloths into the bathroom hamper. Jim found herself cursing herself for not paying attention. She hoped it wasn’t Mr. or Mrs. Sarek in the shower. If it was maybe she would be lucky and they wouldn’t notice that she had entered the room and she could sneak away.

“Jim.”

The deep voice coming from the shower calmed her nerves as she realized it was Spock on the other side of the shower curtain.

“It’s just me, Spock. Sorry about intruding.”

“Do you require the use of the shower?” Jim tried to tell herself the husky quality to Spock’s voice was just a figment of her imagination.

“Yeah, but don’t rush yourself. I can wait.”

“Indeed.” Spock opened the curtain, revealing his wet, naked body to Jim’s suddenly lustful gaze.

 _‘Somehow,’_ Jim thought, _‘it’s not fair he can reduce me to a wet, quivering mass so easily.’_

“The most logical course of action then would be for you to share the shower with me in order to conserve the largest quantity of water.”

Jim let her eyes take in the truly amazing sight before her. “Yeah,” Jim was sure her voice showed her desire just as strongly as the leer that was sliding over her face. “That sounds eminently logical.”

She hadn’t done anything more than simply look at him, but between her thighs Jim could feel herself growing wet, the heated essence of her desire coating the lips of her pussy, leaving her clit throbbing with an intense erotic pain. She felt a shiver of desire working its way up her spine and licking her lips, stepped up to the shower.

They were only a hands breadth away from each other. Jim was staring into Spock’s coffee colored eyes as Spock stared back into her own blue orbs. His eyes were intense and filled with hunger, with his desire for and Jim was surprised how good that made her feel. When he looked at her, she felt as if the rest of the world vanished. It was just the two of them here and nothing else mattered or ever could match up to how loved and wanted she felt with him looking at her. It left Jim breathless with the need to touch and be touched by Spock. To make him understood how much this simple affection meant to her.

His hand reached out, two fingers extended, to caress the side of her face from temple to chin. Jim leaned into the caress, sighing in pleasure at the electric tingles that seemed to pulse directly from his fingertips to her brain, to her aching cunt.

“You are quite aesthetically pleasing, Jim.”

Jim smiled, her blue eyes alight with warm affection. “So are you.”

Spock inclined his head in acceptance before leaning in and capturing Jim’s lips in a slow, molten kiss. His kiss was firm, yet soft. Spock’s tongue slipped out to lightly caress Jim’s lower lips, its touch slightly raspy as it trailed a path of fire across her lips. His kiss was more potent than the strongest drug, it left Jim feeling an overwhelming sense of euphoria, of need. It created a feisty, fiery hunger that invaded her senses, her mind in a whirlwind of desire. Their lips crushed together, tongues stroking and sucking until Jim thought he would black out from lack of oxygen.

_‘Sweet Lord have mercy!’_

She was burning, aching with a need so strong it was pathetic. She wanted to throw him to the tiled floor and fuck him like a wild beast. She wanted to ride him. To feel all that alien strength and control driving deep inside her again, filling her until she wanted to cry out. Her cunt clenched, liquid fire trickling between her thighs. Her knees were going weak with the need for him, for that hidden passion that he had unleashed on her last night.

“K’hat’n’dlawa,” his voice was soft, tender almost in a way Jim didn’t think most Vulcan would ever use, especially not when talking to her.

His lips were flushed and swollen from their kisses. His face flushed a becoming shade of jade. Spock took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring as he took in the scent of her growing arousal. As she watched, their gazes locked together. Spock lowered his hand flattening it on her stomach, creating a heated path of pleasure as those long, graceful finger teased and danced over her hips and between her thighs. A whimpering protest fell from her lips as his hand slid from between her thighs to stroke over her own fingers, sending a startling burst of electric pleasure straight to her core. The touch filled her mind and brought things low in her body into a vice-like grip of need.

“K’diwa,” his voice was sliding along her nerves like a physical caress of silk, threatening to undue her. “Jim.”

“Spock, God, what you do to me.” Jim felt weak and powerful all at once. Whether Spock knew it or not he had completely altered Jim’s world in a way neither of them could ever have anticipated upon first setting eyes upon each other.

“Bathe with me, K’diwa.” Spock’s hand held hers in a soft, firm grip, leading her into the warm embrace of the hot water and steam that played like ghosts around Spock’s waiting form.

Jim nodded, unable to tear her gaze from Spock’s, to deny him this, to deny him anything.

His hands were gentle, cupping her face as he leaned her into the water. His eyes were warm with something Jim had never seen directed at her before, and yet there in those dark depths was a waiting hunger that feasted on the sight of her narrow waist, flared hips, and perky breasts. His hands moved, sure and gracefully over her body and through her hair, whipping away all traces of the barn. As his hands moved over her hips, his knees bent and he lowered himself to the shower floor, kneeling before her. Jim reached unable not to stroke his face as he had stroked her own.

Spock sighed and leaned into the caress, his lips quirking up in the tiniest of smiles. He looked up at her, leaning forward to place a soft, tentative kiss just below her bellybutton. Jim smiled and ran her fingers through his hair.

Spock buried his head against her hip, his smooth, silky hair caressing the soft flesh of her belly as his hands reached up to gripped her thighs. The sight of him kneeling before her, brought a flood of juices to dampen her thighs, hot and slick, leaving her aching and ready for him. Her fingers tightened in his hair as Jim tried to steady herself.

“Spock,” desperation and desire filled her voice.

The slight roughness of his tongue could be felt sliding down her hip, drinking the shower spray from her skin. Jim felt her breath catch as Spock moved lower until his tongue was touching her most intimate parts, sending pleasure surging through her. She cried out, arching into his wicked mouth. His mouth moved away, breath hot as a desert breeze as it ghosted over her sensitized clit.

Jim cried out at the loss of the rough tongue, begging Spock for more. Her eyes rolled, head tilting as she watched him run fingers through her golden curls.  
“Fascinating,” his voice was low, sinful, leaving her body to clench and spasm in pleasure at the sound.

Jim swallowed heavily and tried not to cry for more of his touch. His intrigue with her pubic hair was a little strange, but kind of cute. It made Jim wonder if Vulcan women were hairless there as Spock was.

His quiet inspection of her groin finished and with a sudden growl as his lips covered the soaked folds of her pussy, sucking her clit into his mouth. That raspy, cat-like tongue flicking out and over the throbbing bud as his hands pulled her thighs apart, sensitive fingers caressing the damp folds until they found the tender entrance.

Jim screamed, begged and prayed as Spock worked two fingers inside her, his mouth still hungrily feeding on her tortured clit. She was withering beneath his touch, his intimate kiss, nearly screaming his name loud enough to wake the dead or his parents.

Jim could feel it building inside her like a rising tsunami, making her muscles tighten and her vagina flow with that amazing wetness around his fingers. Still his touch moved in a perfect rhythm, never going too slow or too fast, just building up that wave of pleasure until Jim thought she would black out. With a surprised sense of awe she felt his teeth lightly graze her clit, making her head toss and her voice freeze in her throat as that tsunami wave of pleasure broke over her, swallowing her world as she came.  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
   
Once again Spock found himself drowning in Jim’s sense, in her pleasure, her emotions. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before and he never wanted it to end as illogical as that was. He didn’t think he could ever get used to it and at the same time he found he didn’t want to. He was enjoying all the surprises, the wild emotions and illogical reactions that made up Jim. He was enjoying Jim and he never wanted to let that go. Never wanted to let Jim go. The feelings, the need and protectiveness Jim inspired in him were wild, primal and terrifying all at once. As much as they left Spock feeling off balance he found himself enjoying the very illogical, un-vulcan nature of the situation they created.

This affair with Jim would undoubtedly caused difficulties with his Father and T’Pring. Although the prospect of disappointing his Father still brought some very human emotions up in Spock and continued to go against his very Vulcan heritage. To do something that would undoubtedly break his weak bond with T’Pring seemed a more logical choice than to not complete a bond with Jim. Never had he met anyone whose mind so perfectly balanced his. T’Pring’s tepid mind just couldn’t compare to the brilliant sunlight of Jim’s mind.

Even as he lifted the unconscious Jim, part of his mind was testing various scenarios for convincing Jim of the logic of returning to Vulcan with him and the probability of his parents and the council agreeing to allow the two of them to bond. He knew he would have to have a perfectly logical and through argument for the council to agree to such as request. They would not be pleased to see the line of Surak watered down with human blood further than it already was. No matter how many scenarios he came up with his calculations showed the likely outcome not to be in favor of him keeping Jim. There was only a 4.675% likelihood that he would be allowed to keep his bond with Jim.

Spock lay Jim down on the mattress and pulled the blankets up and over Jim. The next few minutes were spent straightening the room back up, hiding the evidence of their indiscretions and getting himself mentally prepared to face his parents.

Spock sat down at the desk and watched Jim sleep. His body throbbed and burned to rip his cloths off and join Jim under the covers. To warm Jim’s body with the heat building in his body, to fill Jim until he was screaming for Spock. He couldn’t. He knew Jim felt the connection between them, knew he was Spock’s K’diwa. That didn’t mean he had the right to change Jim’s life so dramatically. Of course that didn’t mean that when, in all likelihood, he had to leave Jim behind to return to Vulcan, that the moment he got the chance he wouldn’t find Jim again and complete their bond. Even if he had to wait until he went into Pon Farr, he would find Jim.

“Spock,” Jim’s voice was hoarse and heavy as she sat up, the blanket pooling around her waist, revealing her small perky breasts. Spock looked away briefly before striding to her chest of drawers and pulling out fresh cloths for her. He remained focused on acquiring suitable garments for her from what appeared to be male clothing.

“How long was I out?”

Spock turned back to face Jim, cloths in hand. “Approximately twelve minutes and forty-three seconds.”

Jim chuckled lightly before crawling out of the bed, unashamed of her nudity. “I should get dressed then and see about starting some breakfast.” Jim flipped through the small pile of cloths. “No underwear, huh? You kinky little Vulcan.” Jim threw Spock what he recognized as flirty smile and a wink.

Spock’s eyebrow arched. “There didn’t appear to be any suitable female undergarments.”

Jim gave Spock a wink and a shrug as she pulled on a pair of faded black jeans. “I coulda’ just worn some of the boxers. It’s not like they aren’t clean.”

“They are not suitable for thee.”

Jim smiled as she grabbed an ace bandage from the dresser. “Mind helping me bind my chest? I don’t have any available bras at the moment.”

Spock found himself very aware of each brief touch of his fingers on Jim’s cool, human flesh as he helped Jim wrapped the bandage suitably tight around her chest. As every other time it stirred things in his mind and groin. It was most unusual that he found himself already used to the contact, both physical and mental, when he had known Jim for under twelve Earth hours. A most fascinating development.

“Thanks, Spock.” Jim smiled again at Spock before pulling on a black long-sleeved shirt. Jim pushed up onto her tip-toes and kissed Spock on the cheek. “Is there anything you prefer to have for breakfast?”

“Any sufficiently vegetarian food would be acceptable.”

Jim smiled wider and slapped Spock’s should lightly. “I think we can manage that.”

Together they made there way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Spock took in the sight of the room with the warm, but weak light of a Terran sunrise coming through the window. It was much the same as it had been at night, save for the wire basket filled with eggs and the cleaned teacups sitting in a rack by the sink.

“Would you like milk, juice, water or tea with breakfast? Oh! I think there is still some coffee too.”

“Tea will be sufficient.” Spock watched Jim as she went about boiling water for tea. “Do you require assistance preparing the meal?”

“Depends.” Jim quickly began looking through the cupboards. “Looks like it’s either cream-of-wheat or cold cereal for breakfast.”

Jim pulled out a plain tin that stated the contents contained within were cream-of-wheat. “Do you drink milk? ‘Cause if not it looks like this is the only option.”

“The cream-of-wheat is acceptable, Jim. I do not believe that I have ever partaken of this food.”

“Really? Well its nothin’ special.” Jim pulled out another pan, which he began to prepare for the meal. “Would you like some fruit? I have some blueberries and strawberries from the garden out back.”

Spock inclined his head and moved to help Jim start preparing the meal. He quickly located the fruit that Jim had mentioned and began to clean it off, all the while watching Jim move about the kitchen. He was pleased (not that he would admit to the emotion) to see how quick and efficient Jim was in cooking, directing and teaching Spock on the preparation and creation of the morning meal. They worked together in a smooth, easy rhythm, chatting softly about the difference between life on Earth and on Vulcan.

“You two are up early.”

Spock turned and noticed his parents standing in the doorway watching the two of them. “We have prepared a meal of cream-of-wheat and fruit. Will you partake of some, Mother?”

Amanda smiled at Spock and moved to sit at the table. “That sounds lovely dear.”

“Did you want some tea, Mr. and Mrs. Sarek? I have some milk, juice or coffee as well. Although I would have to make the coffee.”

“I think I’ll have some milk but I am sure my husband would prefer the tea.”

“Can do.” Jim turned to get a tall glass to fill with some of the freshly pasteurized milk from the barn, while Spock poured his father a cup of the tea. “Would you like blueberries, strawberries or both in your oatmeal?”

“I’ll have the blueberries, Sarek I think would like the strawberries more.”

Sarek inclined his head at his wife. “I shall allow your experience to make the wise choice, my wife.”

Jim quickly dished up the bowls and tossed some of the fruit pieces on top before setting them on the table in front of the two adults. She spooned up two more bowls tossing of bit of both fruits on top and setting them down at the two empty seats where Spock and she would be sitting.

Breakfast was a fairly quiet affair after that, Mrs. Sarek quietly asking Jim the occasional question about the town and the local garage. Altogether it was the most relaxing breakfast of Jim’s life. Sitting there with Spock’s strong silent presence next him, the heat from Spock’s body warming him and Mrs. Sarek’s gentle and kind voice talking with her like she was an equal…was glorious. A Part of Jim hoped that they never leaved even while the other part of her told him that of course they would. They couldn’t stay here in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere-Iowa forever.

“Would you like me to call for a tow now? We should be able to get a hold of Phil Blockman at the garage now.”

“Thank you, Jim. I think we were about 5 miles up the road. It should be a silver Nutrino.”

“Got’cha.” Jim stood up and made her way to the vid-phone. “It’ll just be a sec.”

Spock watched as Jim walked away her jeans molded to the curves of her buttocks, enticing him. It would take so very little to rip the fabric from her body, revealing the sweet mound of her hot, wet vagina to his hungry hands and eyes. He tightened his jaw and forced his gaze away from her as the riotous, traitorous hunger race through him. He would not reveal such a lapse in emotional control in front of his Father. He was stronger than this.

As his eyes turned away from Jim they caught his Father’s gaze. Spock control his bodies sudden need to flinch and blush at being caught, even as his Father’s brow raised in inquiry. He inclined his head in acknowledgement of his Father’s request for clarification. He would find a way to insure his Father was not aware of how badly Jim had emotionally compromised him.

“Alright,” Jim returned to the table with a wide grin. “Phil is on his way to get your car. Once he knows how bad the problem is he’ll call back to let us know how long it’ll take to fix it.”

“Thank you, Jim. I hope we aren’t over staying our welcome.” Amanda gave Jim a small, soft smile.

“Naw. It’s no trouble, Ma’am. I think we can all get along just fine.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**Chapter 4**

 

* * *

  
  
**Day 2; 1:43 pm, Kirk Farm**  
  
The sound of tires on the dirt drive distracted Jim from the chess board ad Spock’s newest move. Standing up she crossed the room, past Spock’s parents in the seats closest to the fireplace, to the window looking out at the front drive. Pulling up the drive was a slightly beat-up red tow truck, a silver Neutrino hovercar attached at the back. The truck came to a halt, thick clouds of dust dancing around the tires as the driver, a tall balding red headed man, stepped out of the car and walked to the front door.

Jim turned and looked back at her house guests. “Phil is here.” Jim moved out of the room  and into the hall, where he slipped on a pair of battered sneakers. “I’ll go see about the car.”

Jim was out the front door before her guests could reply and sauntered out to where the older human was waiting. Spock watched it all quietly through the window; carefully studying the way Jim and Mr. Blockman interacted. The man had what humans termed a “rueful” smile on his face as he spoke with Jim.  Spock watched them move to the Nutrino and pop it’s hood open, pointing and talking to each other. Jim nodded at something the other human said and pointed at another section of the engine, practically draping herself across the front of the vehicle. Her shirt was riding up enough to flash a strip of her smooth golden flesh and showing the tempting curve of her ass. The older human put his hand on the car next to Jim’s, their fingers lightly touching as he leaned forward to look at what Jim was pointing too. Spock had to look away before the sight caused any dangerous emotions to further damage his control.

Several more minutes passed by before the sound of a car engine started and the distinct sound of a vehicle leaving could be heard. A moment later the front door opened and Spock could hear Jim removing her shoes before she returned to the library.

Jim smiled at them as she stepped into the room. “Phil doesn’t think the problems too bad. It shouldn’t take more than an hour to repair once the replacement part arrives.”

“Will it take long to get,” Amanda asked looking slightly worried. “I don’t want to overstay our welcome.”

“Don’t worry about it. You can stay as long as like.” Jim sat back down next to Spock. “Phil says he can get a part here by tomorrow afternoon if he calls into a friend of his at Starfleet’s machine yard.”

“Starfleet has a machine yard near by,” inquired Spock.

“Yeah, it’s pretty new actually. They just recently started building a new Starship there.”

“Fascinating.”

Jim smiled and the two went back to their game as Spock’s Father watched them with a strange look in his eyes.  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
   
  
The rest of the day seemed to creep by for Jim. She desperately wanted night to come so that she could take Spock away from the house, out into the long grass of the field where they could watch the stars and each other without prying eyes. Jim knew she would have to wait. For right now it was enough that Spock was willing to help her re-hang the porch swing and to gather more fresh vegetables from the garden.

In some ways Jim also found herself wishing tomorrow wouldn’t come. That Spock could stay here with her forever, just sitting on the newly hung swing chatting about all kinds of things. They were so perfect together, this moment was perfect. Just sitting here with him, talking about various things they had read or studied. Jim had never had anyone who could make him feel so peaceful and happy as Spock could. It was painful to think it would all be over so soon.

Spock turned his attention away from Jim, dark eyes scanning the drive as a forest-green truck pulled up into the drive. Jim stood and watched the truck pull up, his fingers brushing Spock’s. He wasn’t really worried about the visit, although it was a bit odd. Jim didn’t think Mr. Freedman had ever stopped by before, at least since Jim could remember.

Paul Freedman had the same tall athletic build of his son and was just as fit. His skin was lighter than his sons, due to his mixed heritage. Paul Freedman took more after his mother in skin tone; the rich color of her Apache skin over a more African bone structure from his Father made him a striking man to behold. His son took more after his own Mother and Grandfather, the African heritage more obvious, although his son had lucked out and gotten his Grandmother’s straight black hair.

Jim smiled at Mr. Freedman as he shut his car door. Mr. Freedman smiled back, his face lined with wrinkles showing off his naturally friendly personality. His dark hair was cut short and turned nearly silver with age. Jim couldn’t help but smile wider as their eyes met. There were few men as kind as Paul Freedman in the world and Jim had always slightly idolized the man.

“Hello, Mr. Freedman.”

“Hello, Jim. How’re you doing son?”

“Oh,” Jim blushed as he realized Mr. Freedman would have heard that Jim was in the same predicament as his own son. “I’m doing alright sir.”

Mr. Freedman moved forward, stopping short of the steps where Jim and Spock stood. “Phil said you had guests so I thought I’d stop by and see if there was anything you might need.”

“Well,” Jim rubbed the back of his neck, “I am running a bit low on groceries. I mean I have enough vegetables to last another couple days and of course the milk and eggs.”

Mr. Freedman nodded. “I thought as much when I saw Frank driving out of the city. He’s never been good at keeping things up for you kids.” He moved to the back of the truck, waving Jim and Spock to follow. IN the bed of the truck were several large cloth bags full of various foodstuffs. Mr. Freedman pulled them out, handing two to Spock, two to Jim and grabbing the last three himself. “Let’s get these put away and you can introduce me to your guests.”

Jim nodded and moved back towards the house, stopping at the sound of Mr. Freedman’s voice. “Jim, if you need anything more I want you to give me a call.”

Jim looked at the ground as she felt her eyes go all watery and her cheeks flushing. “Thanks, Mr. Freedman.”

He gave Jim a warm smile as the three of them started moving again and headed into the house. “No thanks are needed, Jim.”

Jim noticed how much attention Spock was paying to the interaction and blushed brighter, unsure if she should be embarrassed at the attention. Surely the whole thing was proving to Spock how pitiful Jim and his family were. It must make Spock question his relationship, if that is what this was, with Jim.

It didn’t take long to get into the kitchen where Mr. and Mrs. Sarek were sitting and drinking tea. The two adults were watching Jim and Mr. Freedman almost as closely as Spock was. Mr. Freedman set his bags on the counter before quickly introducing himself to the two other adults. Jim and Spock made quick work of storing the items away as the adults determined if there was anything else that would be needed.

“Jim?”

Jim turned. “Yes, Mrs. Sarek?”

“Would you mind if we used your library to chat with Mr. Freedman?”

“Go ahead. I can start trying to get dinner sorted out.” Jim turned to Mr. Freedman. “Would you like to stay for dinner, sir?”

“If you don’t mind, Jim, I would love too.”

“It’s not a problem. I mean you brought the food an’ all.”

Mr. Freedman chuckled and patted Jim’s shoulder. “Alright then. We’ll just be in the other room.”  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
   
Amanda smiled as she sat down next to her husband. The dark man who had introduced himself as Paul Freedman took a seat in the wingback, moving the chair to better face them.

“Have you known Jim long, Mr. Freedman?”

“Call me Paul.” Amanda nodded making him smile wider, white teeth flashing. “I have known Jim since he was just a babe. He’s a good kid, might be a bit too smart for his own good sometimes, but still a reliable young man.”

“I got that impression. He’s been very kind to us, letting us stay here with him.”

“Jim’s always been the kind of kid who’d help you if you looked to be in a spot of trouble. He’s a lot like his old man in that.”

“If it’s not too rude, what happened to Jim’s Father?”

Paul leaned back in the chair, glancing up at the ceiling for a long moment. Slowly he looked away from the ceiling, rich eyes locking onto Amanda’s and Sarek’s. “I assume you have heard of the USS Kelvin?”

“The Starfleet vessel that was destroyed by the unidentified vessel in 2233.04,” replied Sarek.

“Yes, that’s the ship.” Paul took a deep breath, eyes closing momentarily. “Jim’s parents both served aboard the Kelvin. They were onboard when the ship was attacked. The attack was so sudden and so violent that it caused Winona, Jim’s Mother, to go into premature labor. His Father, George, became acting Captain when Captain Robau was killed and was forced to order the shuttle with Winona to evacuate without him.” A look of deep pain and grief flashed through his eyes, his voice thick with the old grief. “He was a good man, George Kirk. He stayed onboard and piloted the Kelvin into a collision course with the other vessel to give the shuttles time to get to safety. He died the day Jim was born, just as Jim took his first little breath.”

“Oh Lord. Jim is George Kirks son.” Amanda glanced at her husband.

“Yeah.”

Sarek nodded. “Does his Mother remain in Starfleet?”

“Not anymore. She did for a while afterwards, but from what last I heard she is working for some company off world.”

“As she is no longer assuming the role of provider for her offspring, it behooves me to inquire as to who is currently acting as young Jim’s caretaker.”

Paul let out a loud sigh. “That would be Winona’s current husband, Frank. She married him when Jim was, lord he must have been about seven. Frank isn’t much of a Father of any kind, doesn’t have it in him to be one.”

Sarek appeared to mule over Paul’s words before replying. “This man, was he not selected to be Jim’s Father by his Mother?”

“He was.”

“Yet, you do not see him to be suitable guardian and provider for Jim?”

“No I don’t. That man should never have been left in charge of Jim and his brother. Hell, I wouldn’t trust him to care for my dogs, let alone Jim.”

Sarek nodded as if he had expected the answer. “That would coincide with what we have learned from young Jim’s behavior.”

Paul nodded. “It’s all in what Jim doesn’t say and that’s the problem. Jim’s too used to relying on himself, so he won’t tell the authorities what Frank’s done. It has, unfortunately, left us with our hands tied.”

“Indeed.”

“Is there nothing you can do,” Amanda’s voice was thick with worry.

“A couple of us go out of our way to watch Jim, making sure he has enough food and cloths. We give him odd jobs to keep him away from Frank and to keep Jim’s mind busy on other things.” That sad look filled his eyes again. “I think Frank might have actually left for good this time. If so we’ll need to keep a close eye on Jim. He got a bit…lost when Sam, his older brother, ran off.” Frank closed his eyes trying to block out the sight of Jim covered in dust, scrapes and bruises, sitting in the Police station, waiting for a parent that would never come for him. “In the long run I think it will be better for him though.”

“And if he has left,” asked Amanda.

“There will always be one of us here to take care of Jim.”

Amanda nodded obviously pleased. “I’m glad to see that there are people who obviously care about Jim.”  
  
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
   
While the adults were sequestered in the library Spock and Jim were busy planning a vegetarian dinner with the supplies Mr. Freedman had brought over. It was easier than Jim thought it’d be, but then he had a lot of experience making meals from only what his little garden and the chickens could provide. In the end Jim was pleased that he could provide his guests with something other than tea and cream-of-wheat.

“So Spock, would you like to see the stars tonight?”

“That would be acceptable as I have not yet had the chance to map the stars from Earth.”

Jim looked at Spock and rolled his eyes. Obviously Spock was going to be obtuse about Jim’s ruse to get them some alone time away from the three adults. Well, Jim could handle that. She’d just have to be a bit more blatant about what she wanted once they were in the clearing beyond the tree line.

Jim smiled to herself and went back to the green bean casserole she was working on. Next to her Spock was peeling some carrots, his movements slow and careful. Jim tried not to laugh; it was fairly obvious Spock had never before peeled any vegetables.

“How’s it going, Spock?”

“It is acceptable.”

Jim smiled brightly and gave Spock’s buttocks a quick squeeze, making Spock twitch. When Spock turned to look at her, Jim couldn’t help but turn the squeeze into a lingering caress and Spock’s eyes became dark and smoldering with his suppressed passion.

Jim could feel her body flush and her groin go damp at the look, the promise in Spock’s eyes. Dinner wouldn’t end soon enough. Maybe they could try for a little romp in the hay. All they would need to do was switch the temperature of the stove to something lower, allowing dinner to slow cook.

With a wicked leer Jim leaned over Spock and picked up one of the peeled carrots. Never letting her eyes leave Spock’s, Jim obscenely stroked the carrot. The tips of Spock’s ears went green, his lips parted, tongue darting out to moisten them before he looked away. Jim smiled and went about chopping the carrot up and quickly adding it in to the mixture of green beans and onions.

“One more carrot will do, then we can add some cheese on top.”

“Very well, Jim.” Spock continued peeling the carrot before gently setting it in Jim’s hand. His fingers traced Jim’s, lingering on the very tips.

“Thanks,” Jim’s voice came out breathy. Her mind tingled pleasantly with warmth. “You wanna go outside for a while? I could show you the barn?”

“I saw the barn when first we met.”

“Spock, I’m not really gonna show you the barn. It’s just an excuse to go outside and well, you know…” Jim’s voice trailed off on a low, husky tone.

“I do not know.”

Jim shook her head and quickly finished the casserole before sticking it in the oven. Grasping Spock’s hand in hers she headed to the back door, calling out as they left, “We’re going outside for a bit!”

They were out the door before any of the adults could answer. Hand in hand Jim lead the way to the barn. Once inside, with the door closed, Jim led him up the ladder into the loft. Spock looked around at all the hay and storage boxes. They were arranged in such a way that anyone entering the barn would be unable to see anyone up in the loft. Spock was pulled out of his observations by the touch of Jim’s hands on his hips, opening his cloths to reveal the smooth skin of his groin.

“Can I touch you, Spock?”

Spock swallowed and nodded. “If I may touch you as well, K’diwa.”

Jim’s smile set his heart ablaze, “Always.”

Spock let his fingers linger on Jim’s before moving to undue Jim’s pants, baring her tempting curls. Jim was quick to step out of her pants and pull him down into the hay. Spock watched her as she sat astride his hips. Jim was smiling at him, her eyes wild with her emotions.

“Do you have any idea how badly I’ve wanted you in this position?” Jim trailed her fingers over his chest and down his abdomen, towards her warm and welcoming pussy. “How often I think of your body, your touch? Of how you make me feel?”

Spock knew the questions were rhetorical, but he thought it likely that Jim would enjoy him paying attention. He knew Jim derived enjoyment from the sound of his voice. “How often do you think of me, K’diwa?” It was illogical to ask but Spock knew the answer would please him.

Jim trembled, her hips rocking against his, allowing his erection to extend from its sheath and slide along her buttocks. Spock expelled his breath out his nose as Jim threw her head back and moaned out his name. When Jim’s head dropped back so that their gazes met, Spock was once again swallowed whole by the intensity of emotion in those blue depths. He was falling deep, lost to all reason, lost to everything and everyone but Jim.

“Oh Spock,” Jim moaned as she rose her hips up and off Spock. “You make me wild.” Jim’s fingers twined with his as her other hand reached behind her, gripping his shaft so that she could lower herself down onto him.

“Fuck, yes,” Jim panted and cried out as she took the full length of him inside. “Oh baby, you fill me so perfectly. So long and thick…so hot!” Jim’s hips rocked in small circles as she became used to the new depth his cock was reaching inside her.

Spock tried to focus on his breathing, to control all the sensations running riot in his body, the emotions overflowing his mind. He did not know how many more chances they would have to be alone together and he found that each one became more precious to him.

“Are you mine, Spock?”

“I belong to thee, Jim.”

That warm emotion filled her eyes again, “I’m about to turn up the heat, Spock. So you best hold on until it’s over.” She began to pull up and off, plunging back down in a rush.

Spock found he didn’t want to blink, didn’t want to loose sight of her for a single heartbeat. His senses were getting sharper with each breath. He could hear the pace of her heart speed up along with her thrust. He could smell the rich musk of her sweat and sex tied into the tang of dry hay and bovine. Hay and the wooden floor dug into his back, the pain a surprising counter point to the pleasure of her body caressing and hugging him deep in her core, her hips meeting his in a delightfully sinful clash. Her blue eyes were wide, watching him with a fierce yearning hunger.

“Do you like what you see?”

“Thee are beautiful, Jim,” his voice once again came out deep and husky, vibrating in his chest like the purr of a big cat, the sound filled with far too much emotion for a Vulcan not in Pon Farr.

“Close your eyes, Spock. Open your mind, let me in, let me touch your soul.”

Spock repressed a shiver at the looked in Jim’s eyes and did as she bid, his right hand reaching up to her face, “Thee already touch my soul. Thee art a part of me, my K’diwa.” Jim pressed her face into his hands, her breath teasing across his wrist. He melded their minds even as Jim was melding their bodies. He knew this was dangerous. He felt as if they would consume each other, lost wholly in the perfect union of their minds and bodies.

T'hy’la.

K’hat’n’dlawa.

His mate, his love.

The words reverberated in his-their mind, opening a new door in his-their mind and closing, locking another. It didn’t matter that she-they were Human and he-they were Vulcan. They were K’diwa. They were T’hy’la. It was what they would always be, what they had always been.

His-their fingers moved across the curve of her-their hip, up towards her-their waist, fingers sliding under the hem of her-their sweatshirt, lost to the silky texture of her-their skin. His-their fingers were enthralled by the feel of her-them, by the flare of her-their waist, the lush valley between her-their hips and torso. Her-their muscles jumped under his-their touch, her-their movements on his-their erection hitching and jerking, breath gasping past her-their lips.

A possessive desire rolled through him-them. No one else had ever, should ever know how tender, how perfect she-they were.

Her-their rhythm changed, growing faster, deeper. A subtle trembling was working it’s way through her-their limbs. She-they were working harder, breasts heaving against the bandage trapping them against her-their chest, her-their hips twisted and bucked drawing gasps and moans from their lips. His-their hand cupped her hip, fingers stroking the jut and curve of her-their hip. Her-their hands slid across his-their chest, tweaking and pulling at the sensitive olive nubs before flattening out as she-they leaned forwards, twisting her-their hips as she-they plunged down and he-they surged up.

Her-his eyes rolled back as pleasure zinged along her-their nerves bringing with it a surprise burst of pleasure, bringing her-them to orgasm. He-they gripped her-their hip, bruising the golden flesh as he-they rolled over, straw scratching at her-their back as he-they plunged back inside her-their still trembling cunt.

In, out, in, out he-they moved, thrusts coming in rapid succession. His-their toes curled in the straw, back arching as his-their cock swelled, barb extending to lock into her-their uterus as a flood of seaman shot out, filling her-them with his-their essence.

Bodies trembling they collapsed to the straw, gasping to catch their breaths. Spock withdrew from Jim’s mind, fingers sliding over her cheek and jaw in a tender kiss. He felt strangely alone without the warm sunlight of Jim’s mind. Even the distant touch of T’Pring’s mind was vacant.

“My legs feel like Jello and I can’t feel my toes.”

Spock looked at Jim. Her face was flushed, pupils dilated and straw tangled in her short locks.

“That was abso-FUCKING-lutly amazing.”

“Indeed.”

They laid there in the hay, trying to catch their breath as the world slowly came back into focus. “We should probably clean up and go back inside before someone comes looking for us.”

“Indeed.” Spock stood as quick and graceful as any cat.

Jim watched him straighten his cloths before standing up and going for her own cloths. The two were silent, moving quietly to help each other straighten up and make sure one last time that they were straw free. Jim tried valiantly not to smile a hundred-watt grin as they made their way back to the house, fingers gently brushing. It wouldn’t do to give themselves away.

  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
   
Dinner turned out to be a fairly chatty affair. The adults, well mostly Mr. Freedman and Mrs. Sarek, were having a lively discussion about the latest trade agreements and colony expansion, while Spock and he played footsie under the table. When the adults spoke to them Jim and Spock would respond, Jim with much more enthusiasm. Finally the meal was completed and Jim had disappeared upstairs, quickly returning with an ungangly bag.

“Come on, Spock,” Jim grabbed Spock by the hand sending electric tingles and warm affection surging through them both. “I’ve got the telescope.”

Spock valiantly held back a blush at his Father’s gaze blatantly resting on their joined hands. His gaze rose to meet Spock’s’ a single black eyebrow rising in inquiry.

“Jim has agreed to show me the stars as they appear relative to this location.”

His Father inclined his head and went back to quietly drinking his tea. Spock’s Mother smiled and winked at him as Jim pulled him the rest of the way out of the kitchen door, her eyes sparkling with some strange emotion that Spock had never witnessed in her before. The other human chuckled lightly before turning back to speak with Spock’s mother, his lips quirked up in a sly, knowing smile.

The door banged softly against its frame, blocking Spock’s view into the house. Spock turned to look back to Jim, who stilled held Spock’s hand in hers. She smiled at him, blue eyes sparkling in the darkness of the Iowa night. “It’s not far. If we go past the trees there,” Jim pointed at the forested strip directly across from the back of the house, “we can get to a small clearing that’ll have a perfect view of the stars.”

Spock nodded and Jim once again began leading them to the trees. Spock watched the outline of Jim’s body as it moved, hips swaying. Spock’s mind, like his eyes, was focused on Jim. He could hear, see, an echo of Jim’s thoughts filling his mind through their joined hands. What he saw there nearly stole his breath away. He wanted to imprint himself on her katra, so that she would never forget the feel of his mind, the touch of his flesh, his taste and his smell. He wanted her infused with him so that everyone else would know that she was a part of him. That she was his and he was hers.

The night air was cool and slightly damp, filled with the alien scent of wet grass and foliage. It clung to the air as a thick perfume, striking Spock about just how foreign this place and situation was. It wasn’t all that long ago that he would have questioned the sanity of anyone who told him that when he joined his parents on their trip to Earth he would meet a human that could inspire such feeling in him that would ignore how illogical the situation was and give in to the emotion of the moment, give in to Jim.

They exited the trees and stepped into the clearing. It was small, oval in shape and filled with long green grass and an abundant array of wild flowers. It was, as his Mother would say, a romantic spot.

Jim set the bag with the telescope down and turned to face Spock, their hands still clasped together. She licked her lips and looked into Spock’s eyes. He was standing so close she felt bathed in his rich scent. He smelled of musk, man and hot skin, all underlain with the smell of sage and hot sand. She wanted to lick him and roll all over him, just to keep that scent with her, to savor it.

She dropped his hands and reached up, fingers brushing those inky black bangs aside before dripping down to trace the gentle slope of his brow and the high slant of his eyebrows. She knew she had a horribly girly smile but Jim couldn’t bring herself to care. Out here under the dark sky, with only the moon and stars watching, Spock looked like some fantasy come to life just for her. The beauty of him left her speechless and slightly in awe. Never had Jim thought that she would have someone who made her feel special just for being Jim. It was nice not to just be “George Kirk’s son” or “that poor Kirk boy.” To just be Jim was incredible, but she thought that being Spock’s K’diwa was even better.

Spock couldn’t get enough of Jim. The sight of her, the smell of her, the sound of her voice, the touch of her skin…it was all so incredible. He wanted to savor her in every way possible. He leaned into her touch and as she went to move her touch away he gently captured her hand, drawing her body against his. “You are shivering, Jim.”

“It’s just a little chilly out,” Jim smiled up at him, “I’m sure you could warm me up.”

Spock’s eyebrow rose. “Indeed.”

Jim chuckled lightly and pushed up on her toes, body pressing and sliding against him until they were eye-to-eye. With a war look in her eyes, Jim kissed him. She tasted of fruit and heat and her unfathomable need of him. She tasted of wanton emotion and devious desires. She left him dizzy and unable to decide whether to pull her closer or to push her away. He knew he wanted her in all ways. He wanted to burry himself inside her body and mind, to never leave. To always be touching. To never be parted.

He released his grip on her waist and slowly stroke her fingers with his own as his other hand moved down her back to cup her ass. “I burn for thee, Jim.”

“I think I burn for you too, Spock.” Jim smiled and, keeping their bodies pressed together, dropped to her knees before him. “Let me quench your desire.”

Slowly, never taking her eyes from his, Jim parted his robes, barring his flesh to the pale moonlight and Jim’s gaze. Her golden fingers reached out, stroking at his slit until his penis began to emerge and extend. The hot stroke of her breath over the sensitive organ seemed to make it swell and pulse with virility. She leaned forward, one hand reaching out to grip his hip. Slowly her lips parted and her pink tongue reached out, licking over the crown of him in a long, torturous, wet caress. Spock closed his eyes, the sight of Jim performing an act of fellatio on him burned permanently into his mind.  
  
His eyes opened, locked on the sight of Jim, lips swollen and wet, tongue gliding, stroking and pouring over his throbbing erection. When she saw him looking, she pulled her mouth away and blew a breath of warm air over his wet flesh. Holding back a moan, Spock reached out, tilting her head and stroking his fingers against her lips. She moaned long and low, sending electric shocks of pleasure from his fingertips straight to his cock. He gave her lips one last caress before reluctantly pulling them away.

Watching her, Spock pushed the head of his aching organ against her mouth, parting those sinful pink lips. She looked up at him, blue eyes dilated with her desire. Her lips parted further, taunting him, her tongue playing with him, pressing and sliding against his hidden barb until he thought his precious control would snap. He didn’t want to loose control and risk hurting her; no matter how sinfully beguiling she made loosing control. Once again his hand reached out, caressing her face before gently tugging her against him, plunging with deliberate slowness into her warm, wet mouth.

Her welcoming moan vibrated into his flesh and the eager pressure of her lips made him clench his fingers into her short golden hair. With a small struggle he managed to wrench enough control back to relax his grip on her. It taxed his will power, but the need to protect her gave him strength. Her mouth clamped around him and she began to suck on him in strong rhythmic pulls, making Spock clench his jaw to keep from crying out. The sensations of her mouth and the environment surrounding them were nearly overwhelming.

“I want thee,” he groaned, barely recognizing his own voice. The sound was low and rough, almost brutal by Vulcan standards, but Spock saw excitement shine like a nova in her eyes. “I wish to be inside thee.”

Her skin flushed, her nipples tightened into hard little nubs and the rich, musky scent of her arousal filled his senses. The scent of damp grass, cool air and the flowers that surrounded them vanished. All he could smell was Jim.

Jim was reaching for him, her lips opened and swollen, pupils dilated even further until only a sliver of blue could be seen. He went to her, their lips touching, bodies burning with need. She stood, swaying in place, her mouth opened to him, accepting his tongue, sucking it into her mouth, pulling from him a deep moan of pleasure. He kissed like a human and kissed like a Vulcan, his fingers stroking hers. He could feel their minds touching, their desires surging between them connecting them, one feeding the other until Spock knew they would be joined as one, consumed by an inferno of their own emotions. At the same point Spock realized what he was doing, one of his hands had wondered between her sensitive folds. He now was kissing her lips, the fingers of his left hand kissing hers in a heated tangle. His right hand was lost to her folds, kissing her their as only a Vulcan could. She was so slick, so wet, and so hot it was driving a part of him wild. It felt so delicious, so illogically perfect that Spock knew he was lost to her. No one else could ever match and complete him as Jim could.

Pulling away from her was surprisingly hard, only the knowledge that he had to release her in order to remove her cloths, allowed him the strength to do so. The clothes were removed as quickly as possible without damaging them and flung to the ground. Jim quickly placed Spock’s clothes in a pile on the ground and lay on top of them, her legs spread wide in invitation, her arms reaching up, beckoning to him. Carefully he lowered himself to his knees, crouched between her long legs. For a moment all he could do was look at her, captivated by her wild, golden beauty. Seeing her unashamedly naked in the grass surrounded by trees and flowers, with only the stars and himself to see her, left him drowning in strange new emotions more powerful than anything he had ever experienced before.

“Spock, please,” her voice was thick with need. “Please, I want you. I want you in me. I want to feel you!”

Carefully controlling his physical response to her, Spock gently spread her legs even wider, moving himself into place between them. “Are thee mine, Jim?”

“Always yours.” Her eyes looked up at him, dangerously serious.

With utmost care Spock slid inside and watched as Jim seemed to go crazy with pleasure. Her body arched, her head thrashed and a cry of pleasure, of…love, fell from her lips. Her body danced around him, squeezing, rippling and pulling him deeper. His hips jerked, driving his cock fully inside her hot wet, welcoming depths. He felt every ripple, every convulsive squeeze around his cock threatening to shatter the fragile control that was holding back all the overwhelming, primal emotions.

 _‘Slow and easy. Slow and easy,’_ He repeated in his mind. He needed to pull his control back from the fringes of his mind. He couldn’t, didn’t want to risk hurting her.

With all his Vulcan control he looked at her, laying beneath him, blue eyes blazing, and slowly began to move. Her eyes never left his and Spock felt the rest of the world vanish. There was only the two of them. His thrusts continued to move through them, pulling up desires and emotions neither realized they had.

“God, Spock,” Jim’s voice came out in a rich breathy cry. “Please, harder. Oh God, harder.”

“Yes, K’diwa.”

His steady thrust began going deeper, the powerful thrust filled her, stroking her until Jim thought she felt the heavens explode inside her, as if she was an empty void and Spock was the spark that brought the universe into creation. Spock cried out with her, trapped in a physic echo of her pleasure. He watched through her eyes as they filled with a bright light as the world exploded into being. As awareness began to tug at their senses, Spock became aware that he was still inside her, moving in those deep, powerful thrusts that brought his hips against hers and his erection hitting her cervix.

The brief joining of their minds through their joined flesh washed over him again, just as powerful and world altering as the first time. The need, the urge pounded through his veins, throbbed in his head. The need to bond, to mate fully with her was nearly overwhelming. It moved through him like an electric pulse. This need to complete the bond growing between them echoed through him, growing until it was threatening his control.

Spock growled, his hands spreading her thighs wider, his hips rocking powerfully against her until the length of his cock felt on the brink of overfilling her. He felt her barely suppressed cry of pleasure as his cock began to pulse and thicken a second before his barb extended, locking them together. The feel of it, of his pleasure, of her pleasure filling their mind drew another orgasm from Jim even as Spock’s rocketed through them, his burning seamen filling her once more.

The violence of his orgasm left them both weak, trembling and very aware of what could happen between them. Spock closed his eyes and forced back the illogical possessiveness rising inside him. This feeling of belonging to someone and having them belong to him, just him, was intoxicating. He knew that living without her now wasn’t something he wanted to face. This overpowering need, the hunger for her, the incredible sexual pleasure was unlike anything he had ever known. Jim was like a physical manifestation of pleasure and comfort. She was the other half of him, the one thing he had secretly longed for. This love she had for him and he for her, the need would destroy him because he knew there was no way he could take her with him.

“I love thee, Jim.” The confession nearly broke him.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**Chapter 5**

 

* * *

  
  
**Day 3; 5:30 am, Kirk Farm**  
  
Amanda woke slowly, her eyes fluttering open. For long moments she just lay there, listening to the steady rhythm of Sarek’s breathing. The weight of his arm over her stomach, the heat of his body and the near silent whoosh of his exhaling breath brought a familiar feeling of security. Here in this old house filled with ghosts, his presence beside her was familiar, solid. Turning in his arms, she slowly loosened his grasp and crawled out of bed.

Sarek made a low growling noise and rolled into her spot on the bed, burying his face into her pillow, inhaling deeply.

Amanda chuckled and pulled on the terry cloth robe that had been placed in their room yesterday. It was old, the color fading from a pale blue to a dusty gray, but fit her perfectly and kept away the early morning chill.

With light steps she left the guest room and disappeared into the hallway bathroom. It took her only minutes to finish her morning ablutions. She would like a shower but she didn’t wish to disturb the boys if they were sleeping. Well, mostly she didn’t wish to disturb Jim. Spock, she knew, was usually up at this hour preparing for the day ahead.

Thinking it would be a nice surprise, Amanda headed into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. She was pleased to find the tea pot sitting on the table, steam dancing up out of the spout and two recently used cups setting next to it.

“It looks like they’re both up.” Amanda smiled and picked up the cups, quickly washing them before setting them back on the table. She looked through the freshly stocked kitchen, pulling out ingredients for a nice breakfast. Jim had been so kind to them, making him breakfast would be the least she could do. If it was possible she would have asked Sarek if they might bring Jim back to Vulcan with them. But that wouldn’t be possible for a great many reasons, the least of which being that his Mother was still alive and the courts were not likely to take the child of George Kirk away from his widow.

She pushed the thought away and smiled sadly at her husbands mind touching hers, offering silent comfort. Even with the sad turn of events, she was glad that Jim would still have the kind people in Riverside to care for him. She was glad all things considered, that her husband had agreed to her request to take Spock on a tour of Earth while they were here. As much as she enjoyed living on Vulcan it was nice to be back on Earth around other humans. **‘The boys are out doing Jim’s chores. Go on up and shower while I get your breakfast ready.’**

**‘A wise suggestion, my wife.’**

**‘Of course it is.’** Amanda smiled as she went about preparing the food. **‘Women are full of wise suggestions.’**

Amanda chuckled at the silence that followed, picturing Sarek with an eyebrow cocked questionably. ‘ **Go on, it won’t take long to finish cooking and the boys will need it after you.’**

**‘Very well.’**

The house was surprisingly quiet in the morning. The only sounds were the hmmm of the heater and the sound of breakfast sizzling and cooking away. It was very calming in a way both the same and different than the sounds of morning in her kitchen back on Vulcan. This moment, like so many since they arrived, reminded her of her life before Sarek.

Amanda moved away from the stove to set the table. She quickly checked the tea, verifying it was still hot. A small plume of steam rose from the pot as she lifted the lid, filling her senses with the aroma of Jim’s Huckleberry tea. She would have to see about getting some of her own before they returned to Vulcan.  
A shrill whistle pierced the quiet, calling Amanda back to the stove where the timer was showing her flapjacks, scrambled eggs and bacon where finished cooking. She quickly removed the first round of flapjacks, setting them as a stack on a nearby plate before adding more batter. After that she grabbed the spatula and began pouring the finished eggs onto another plate alongside the bacon. Amanda poured in the next batch of flapjacks before taking the eggs and bacon to the table, setting them closest to the seats Jim and herself had used the day before. Several minutes passed in this way until Amanda wondered if she had made too much food.

“Do you require assistance,” inquired Sarek as he entered the room.

“Assistance would be great.”

Amanda removed the latest batch of flapjacks and began pouring another. “Can you fill the glass pitcher with some milk and cut up some of the fruit in the fridge.”

Sarek nodded at his wife and set about helping her as requested. “If you plan to shower before the boys return I will attend to the food for you.”

“That’s alright, dear. I’ll be finished in a moment and the boys won’t be much longer. I’ll just wait until they’re done.”  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  


**Same Time, Outside in the Barn**  
  
Jim couldn’t help but chuckle as she watched Spock and Betsy have a stair off. Betsy continued to chew her food even as Spock stood rigid before her. The two had been watching each other for nearly two minutes, and Jim was fairly certain neither had blinked during that time. Apparently neither seemed comfortable with the idea of Spock milking her.

“Come on, it’s not that hard.” Jim’s smile turned mischievous. “All you do is wrap your hand around her nipple and gently squeeze it as your pull your hand toward the tip. Her milk will come shooting out into your waiting pail.”

“I am not agreeing to perform an act of such an intimate nature upon an animal.”

Jim found herself bent over laughing, tears gathering in her eyes. “Intimate nature…Fuck, Spock, you make that sound kinky. You’re not masturbating the cow! You’re just milking her.” The laughter was coming harder now, making her gasp for breath in between bouts of laughter. “Oh God…thought he was gonna…poor Betsy…masturbating the cow!”

“It is a valid assessment of the act which described.” Spock let his gaze shift to Jim, brown eyes turned nearly black, lips pressed in a thin line.

Jim took in a deep wheezing breath, trying to pull herself together. “Okay, okay. I’ll milk her. You can just sit and watch.”

Spock cocked an eyebrow at her as he moved away from the cow and her eerily lingering gaze. Jim shook her head and moved to sit by Betsy’s hip, placing the pail under her udder. Jim linked her fingers together to gently pop them before rubbing her palms rapidly together. Jim tried not to smile as Spock’s gaze locked on her hands.

“May I inquire as to why you are vigorously rubbing your extremities together,” his voice came out low and rumbling, much like it did just before they had sex.

“It heats up my hands so that they are not too cold on Betsy’s skin.”

Spock’s tongue flicked out to lick his lips even as his eyebrow arched into his bangs. “That is yet more data to prove that you are indeed masturbating the bovine.”

“No it just keeps me from being kicked by said bovine.” Jim looked up at Spock as she filled the pail. “If you touch her with cold hands. She’ll flatten you right quick. She’s very finicky about being touched. Just like a certain Vulcan I know.”

“You are comparing me to a domesticated food source?”

“Maybe.” Jim threw Spock a wink. “Maybe not. Although you both produce some tasty milk for me.”

The two continued to playfully bicker as they finished up the morning chores and released Betsy into the field. If Spock spent more time than normal gazing at and touching Jim, well, Jim wouldn’t say anything. She knew she couldn’t go with Spock when he left, even if she desperately wanted to. So these last few hours would be the most important. She couldn’t forget them.

They could see Spock’s Mother through the kitchen window as they made their way back to the house. She glanced up and saw them, a smile warming her face. Jim tried to ignore the way her chest seemed to clench like it was trapped in a vice at the smile and the reminder of all that she had been denied. Amanda gave them a jaunty wave as they got within ten feet of the steps, and eve though his heart hurt Jim found it impossible not to smile and wave back.

“You are so lucky that she’s your Mom,” Jim’s voice was full of such wishful longing that it made the primitive portion of Spock’s brain rage on Jim’s behalf.

“It is possible that she can be thee’s mother in the future, K’hat’n’dwala.”

Jim turned and looked to him, her hand frozen on the doorknob. She swallowed thickly, eyes wet and gave him a small, trembling smile. “I would like that very much, Spock.”

Spock inclined his head in a graceful nod of acceptance. “Shall we join my parents for the morning meal?”

“Yeah,” Jim gave him a gentle nudge with her shoulder as they stepped into the mudroom and took their boots off. “We should wash up first though.”

“Indeed.”

Jim chuckled as they stepped out of the mudroom and into the kitchen. “Morning, Mrs. Sarek.”

“Good morning, Jim…Spock.”

“Mother,” Spock gave her a nod before looking over to his Father. “Father.”

Sarek nodded from his spot at the table, dark eyes scanning the two of them over the edge of his tea cup.

“We shall wash up and return to share the meal Mother has prepared.”

“Very well.”

Jim tried to suppress a shiver as Sarek’s eyes met hers. It felt as if the older Vulcan could see to the core of him, laying bare all his painful secrets. It was painful and yet…it didn’t seem as if Sarek found him lacking, there was almost a silent respect in his eyes. Jim felt her heart stutter briefly. Licking her lips nervously she gave the silent man a nod and followed Spock from the room to the sanctuary of her bedroom.

The two of them were silent as they made their way to the bedroom, their minds aching with the knowledge that soon Spock and his family would leave and Jim would be left alone…again. That they may never see each other again, and if they did…well, it would likely be years from now. Years spent knowing the other was out there, too far away to touch, to brush minds. It was sobering and painful to think of.

Jim shut the door behind them and looked at Spock. He stood there, hands behind his back, face blank, but Jim knew Spock was as sad about their soon-to-be parting. Before she knew it she had flung herself at Spock, burrowing her head into his neck and began to cry.

“I don’t want you to go,” the words were sobbed into Spock’s neck.

Spock turned his head, pressing his face into Jim’s golden hair. “I do not desire to go, but I must.”

Spock hugged her tightly to him before releasing her. He stepped away just far enough that he could see her face while still keeping his hands on her shoulders. “I will return for you, K’diwa. You shall ever be on my mind.”

Spock hesitated a moment before leaning forward to place a soft, lingering kiss on Jim’s forehead. “No matter how much time passes, thee will always be K’hat’n’dlawa.”

Jim clung to him for what seemed forever. She let out a shaky breath before placing a butterfly kiss on his lips. That brief touch of lips to lips trembled through them both, making their hearts pound.

“Would that I could linger in your embrace,” his fingers tingled and trembled with the need to touch her. “We require a shower and breakfast.”

Jim nodded, understanding that like her Spock still felt the almost overwhelming pull to reach out and touch, to drown themselves in each other, to become one mind and one heart. Jim was sure that it had something to do with Spock joining their minds during sex. Somehow, part of them must have fused together in that last moment of blinding pleasure and now the bond between them was becoming tangible, something that she could feel growing and pulsating in her mind.

They showered together, but unlike before they didn’t linger over physical pleasures. They took their time and washed each other with loving and reverent touches, their minds tinged with sadness. And if Jim broke down and wept well, only Spock would ever know.  
  
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
  
Breakfast was a pleasant meal and this time Sarek even joined in the conversation and asked Jim questions about what he had been learning and what he planned to do once he no longer attended high school. Jim was happy for the most part, talking about her plans to either go to college or join Starfleet as her teachers recommended. Jim found herself revealing that she was at this point undecided between the two and that she had reservations about each option.

“You are an intelligent individual, Jim. You show many positive qualities that will greatly serve you in any future endeavor. Should you join Starfleet I expect you will make an excellent Captain. If you do not join I expect we shall still see you do many amazing things.”

Jim had been blown away by Sarek’s comment. Some part of her had been sure that, like Frank, Sarek didn’t think much of her was worthwhile. But this…this blew Jim away. She had been waiting her whole life for her Moth-for someone to tell her that, to acknowledge that her existence wasn’t a waste of her Father’s sacrifice. She had blushed and stammered out a “thanks,” even as Spock brushed their fingers together under the table, projecting his pleasure and pride to her.

Much of the rest of the day went the same way. Filled with quiet moments and warm conversation. A large portion of which happened in her Father’s library. Spock and Jim spent several hours playing chess, each winning one game. At one point Jim found herself even playing against Sarek. The older Vulcan had proven to be even more of a challenge than his son, his moves both logical and dangerously sly. It was an unusual combination and Jim had to focus completely on the board to have even a hope to win.

Spock had joined his Mother on the couch to read one of Jim’s books. However, he found himself easily distracted by the intensity of the game between Jim and his Father. If Spock was human it would have left him very uneasy to see his Jim tested as she was being. As a Vulcan though, Spock found it intriguing to see his Chosen K’diwa proving herself so well. It would prove to be helpful in the future when he would convince his Father not to reforge the bond between T’Pring and himself.

“Tea, dear?”

Spock pulled his gaze from the game to look at his Mother. In her hands was a metal tray with Jim’s teapot, four cups, a little bowl of sugar and a small pitcher of cream.

“Thank you, Mother. That would be acceptable.”

His Mother set the tray down on the small table and began to make a cup of tea for each of them.

“I am glad to see you and Jim getting along. I was so worried that you might not.”

“I do not see why you might have an emotional reaction. There was no data to support such a concern.”

His Mother chuckled lightly and glanced from him to Jim. “There was also no data to state otherwise. All the same,” Amanda smiled and stood to bring some tea to Sarek and Jim, “I am glad to see the two of you have become friends.”

“Indeed.”

  
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
  
**2:15 pm; Kirk Farm**  
  
Jim nearly jumped out of her skin when the phone in the kitchen began to ring with an incoming call. Quickly composing herself she rose from her place next to Spock on the couch, setting her book down and making her way to the kitchen. The vidscreen flashed the logo for the Blockman garage and Jim felt her heart sink.

Lifting the phone she activated the call, “Hey, Mr. Blockman.”

The logo on the screen vanished and Phil’s face, streaked with oil and grease, filled the screen. “Hey there, Jim. How’re you doing?”

“I can’t complain.”

Phil chuckled and leaned back from the screen, whipping his hands off with a stained cloth. “I’ve got the Vulcan’s hovercar fixed up. I can get it over there by three.”

“That’s great.” Jim forced a warm smile onto her face and ignored the heavy weight that settled in her heart. “We’ll see you then.”

Phil gave a nod and cut the call, leaving Jim staring at the blank screen. Taking a deep, trembling breath, she set the phone back into the latch connected to the screen and headed back to the library. Spock was still sitting on the old couch, right where Jim had left him.

Jim stood in the doorway just looking at him, trying desperately to memorize the sight of him there on Jim’s couch, in Jim’s home, reading Jim’s books. As if Spock could sense Jim watching him, he looked up, those dark eyes locking onto Jim’s own.  Jim’s heart trembled in her chest, need overwhelming her. That need only seemed to make the sense of loss rising in her worse. She tried to push it down, back into that small dark corner of her mind that it had been locked in before Spock had come like a tornado into her life, ripping away the barriers to her heart.

Spock’s brow furrowed as he watched her. A moment later Spock was setting his book down next to Jim’s and was rising to his feet. “Are you well, Jim?” Spock moved away from the couch, stopping in front of Jim.

Jim rubbed a fist over damp eyes, and tried to smile. “I’m fine.”

“Fine is unacceptable. It has too many variable definitions-“

Jim chuckled and leaned into Spock, resting her head on his shoulder. “I am uninjured. Just a bit sad that you’ll be leaving so soon.”

“From your words I am to assume that the call was from Mr. Blockman stating my parent’s hovercar has been repaired.”

Jim nodded and pressed her face deeper into his shoulder, even as his arms rose to wrap her securely against him. “We shall be departing today.”

“He’ll be here by three.”

“Then we shall inform my parents.”

“I suppose we should…but, can you just hold me for a little longer.”

“It shall be as you desire, K’diwa.”

For several minutes they simply stood there, bodies pressed together. Jim’s head in Spock’s neck and Spock’s head resting against Jim’s golden hair, his finger rubbing soothing circles into Jim’s back. Finally the trembling left Jim’s limbs and she was able to pull herself back together. Without a word they moved apart and stepped out of the library and headed through the hall to the front porch where Spock’s parents were sitting on the same swing that Jim and Spock had just a short time ago.  The adults looked up as the two approached, stopping just a few feet away.

“Your Nutrino will be here by three today.”

“Thank you, Jim,” stated Amanda.

Jim shrugged and leaned back onto the porch railing. “No thanks are needed.”

“Still,” Amanda smiled, “it has been very kind of you to let us stay here with you, especially since you didn’t know us.”

Jim shrugged. “I couldn’t just leave you out in the cold. And it wasn’t like you were going to hurt me; I mean you’re traveling with Vulcans. Everyone knows they disapprove of violence towards sentient beings.”

Amanda smiled up at her even wider and Jim was sure that he saw a brief flicker of approval flash in Sarek’s eyes.

“Well then,” Amanda stood and looked back over the front driver of the farm, taking in a deep breath of the warm country air. “It’s almost three now, so we should probably start packing back up.”

Sarek looked away from the view of the wide blue sky and the stretch of golden waves from the pasture across the way. He rose as graceful as a cat from the swing and turned to follow his wife back into Jim’s home.

Jim watched the two head inside. It was going to be so quiet when they left. She wasn’t sure how she was going to handle being so alone. Jim sighed, closing her eyes and took a deep breath. She wouldn’t panic. She was stronger than this. How many times as a child had she wished for Frank to leave, so it was just her, here in this house? Now that wish had come true and she was falling apart. Fuck that! She was James Tiberius Kirk, and Kirk’s don’t cry!

“You are crying, Jim.”

“No I’m not.” Jim ducked her head down and rubbed at her eyes. “I just got some grit in my eyes is all.”

Spock said nothing to that, he simply remained there at Jim’s side offering his silent support as Jim composed herself. An act, for which, Jim was very grateful. She had already asked for too much from her precious Vulcan. “We should head inside as well. We’ll need to make sure you have all your stuff packed and ready.”

Spock nodded and the two headed inside and up the stairs to the bedroom they shared. They were silent as they gathered Spock’s cloths, folding them carefully into his travel case. It didn’t take long for all of Spock’s belongings to be pack up, leaving the room looking as if he had never been here at all. They stood there side by side, hands tangled together in silent grief that their time together was so short and was now coming to a rather abrupt end.

Jim licked her lips and looked up at Spock. “Can I take a picture of you before you go?”

“Only if I may have a picture of you as well.”

Jim moved to her desk, opening the top drawer and pulling out a camera and a small PADD. Blushing scarlet she looked back up at Spock. “Do you have a PADD? I…uh, already took some pictures of me for you.”

Spock turned back to his travel case and pulled out a small travel PADD similar to the one Jim held. Handing the PADD over to Jim, Spock watched as his beloved linked the two PADD’s and began to quickly transfer some files over before handing it back.

Spock looked down at the PADD and opened some of the files Jim had transferred over. As his eyes took in what appeared on the screen before him, Spock found it was taking a great deal of control to fight down the blush that was trying to rise up into his face. He had seen his Jim bare of skin, her emotions and mind just as bare for him, and yet…the first couple pictures he looked at inspired some very strong emotional and physical reactions in him. There was something far more about these pictures that made Jim seem more naked in them than he had previously seen her and yet, she was no more nude in them than she had been when they had made love.

Spock swallowed and looked up from the screen to Jim. “When…”

“Yesterday, before you woke up.”

 Spock licked suddenly dry lips and looked back at the pictures and then back to Jim, his pupils dilating. “Thee art truly wondrous, K’hat’n’dlawa.”  
“Yeah, I kinda am,” Jim replied with a leer. “Now strip down for me and get sexy.”

The corner of Spock’s lips twitched up along with one sleek eyebrow, but he did as Jim requested. He followed Jim’s direction, posing and flaunting himself for Jim’s pleasure as Jim had done for him. If he aroused himself, and touched himself more than he ever had before, well…it obviously pleased his K’diwa.

And what pleased Jim pleased him.

Soon enough though, he was pulling his robes back on as if he had never posed for such sexualized images.

“Let’s head downstairs. I’d like to get a picture of your parents as well.”

“Of course. However I would recommend that you remove those pictures from the camera before we rejoin my parents. It is highly probable that my Mother will desire to procure a picture of us for you as well.”

“Yeah, better to plat it safe.” Jim grabbed the small PADD again and quickly transferred the files over. “All set.”

Spock nodded, and bag in hand, turned to the door only to step back as his Mother opened the door.

“Oh! Spock, dear, you startled me.”

Spock arched a brow, but stepped back so his Mother could enter the room.”

“Mr. Blockman has arrived with the car.”

“I am ready, Mother.”

“Of course you are, dear. But I thought it would be nice to see if Jim would walk us out.”

Jim smiled widely and placed Amanda’s hand in her elbow, leading the way out of the bedroom and back to the ground floor and the front of the house. “You didn’t even have to ask.”

“Is that a camera, Jim?”

“It is. I thought it’d be nice if Mr. Blockman could take a picture of all of us before you left. That way I could have something to remember you all by.”

“That would be lovely. I’d love to have a picture of you and Spock together as well,” said Amanda, face glowing with her smile.

Jim released her hands they approached the entryway where Sarek and Mr. Blockman were waiting. Amanda stretched out two fingers, tips gently touching Sarek’s, making Spock look away from their intimate kiss. “dear, before we go I thought it’d be nice to get a couple pictures of all of us with Jim.”

“As you wish.”

Jim had to try not to squirm with delight as she handed the camera to Mr. Blockman. Amanda quickly bustled them all into position in front of the large fireplace in the library, the tall wooden bookshelves flanking either side of them. It was the perfect spot, Jim thought, for the photo. The four of them had spent so much time together in this room, filling it with warm conversation and joy like it hadn’t seen since her Father’s death. Jim found herself standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Spock, Sarek and Amanda at their backs. It took a surprisingly large amount of control not to blush, glance at Spock, or take Spock’s hand into hers. Several photos were taken and Jim was fairly sure Amanda had given her bunny ears in the last.

“Now, Spock, why don’t we get a couple of just Jim and you.”

Neither of them argued the request. They were too glad for the chance to simply linger a bit longer in the others presence.

“These are turning out just lovely. The two of you fit so well together. A wonderful kind of yin-yang composition.”

Jim chuckled and this time a soft blush did spread across her and Spock’s cheeks. “Do you have a PADD? I could transfer a copy of the pictures over to it for you.”

“Of course!” Amanda turned to her husband, “Could you get it for me? It should be in the front compartment of the bag.”

Sarek disappeared into the hall, reappearing silently with the requested PADD. Amanda smiled at him before handing the PADD over to Jim, who quickly uploaded a copy of the photos. Jim handed the PADD back to Amanda, who gave her a warm, but sad, smile.

“We should probably head out now. When Starfleet heard we were here in Riverside they asked us to stop and tour the shipyard before we left.”

“Yeah? They’ve gotten pretty far on the newest ‘fleet ship. Looks like it’ll be a beauty.”

“Jim,” Jim looked over to Sarek, startled the older Vulcan had addressed her. “Should you require assistance in the future you can contact us through the Vulcan Embassy.”

For a minute all Jim could hear was static as her brain crashed and rebooted. “Thank you, sir.”

Sarek turned and led the little group out to the front porch and into the bright Iowa sun. Mr. Blockman was already there, having stepped out while the four talked, and was getting their Nutrino back on the ground. Sarek moved to open the trunk and the two men carefully loaded the travel bags inside, giving Amanda time to hug Jim and say her goodbyes. Amanda pulled back, her hands on Jim’s arms and just gazed at Jim for a long moment before leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on Jim’s forehead. “Do take care of yourself, Jim. I would like to see you again someday.”

“I’d like that too.”

Amanda gave her one last hug before turning to join her husband by the car, leaving Jim and Spock alone on the porch. The two spent a long moment again simply looking at each other, using all their senses to try to remember this moment forever.

“I wish you could stay.”

“As do I.”

“Will I ever see you again?”

“Assuredly, Jim. I will return for you.” Spock stepped closer and brushed his fingers against Jim’s, carefully using their bodies to hide the movement from his parents view. “You are mine and I intend to ensure that it is recorded as such permanently.”

“I think that may have been a proposal of marriage.”

“Indeed.”

“Well,” Jim smiled widely and pressed her fingers into Spock’s. “Consider it accepted.”

“Spock,” Amanda called out. “We need to leave now.”

Spock turned and nodded at his Mother before looking back at Jim. “I will return for you.”

“You better. You’ve turned me into a regular lovefool.”

“I do not believe you to be a fool, Jim. I do not think you could ever be.” With that said Spock left Jim’s side and went to join his waiting parents. As he reached the car and opened the backdoor, he paused to look back at Jim standing on the front steps, her short golden hair shinning in the sun, blue eyes piercing deep into his katra. He needed to touch her again, one last time, needed every bit of connection he could forge between them. He needed it to remember, to convince himself that she was real, that she wasn’t just some folklore fairy come to him in a dream. He needed to know her love was real, that she was his now and forever.

Closing his eyes and centering himself, Spock raised his hand in the ta’al, “Live long and prosper, Jim.”

_‘Take care, K’diwa.’_

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**Chapter 6**

 

* * *

  
  
**Day 10; 7:15 am, Riverside High School**  
  
Jim tried very hard not to growl, or vomit, on any of the meat-headed idiots who were making off color or down right bigoted remarks to her as she walked down the hall to her locker. You’d think that in this close press of swarming bodies she could vanish into the mob, but no, that just wasn’t in the cards for her. It seemed the whole school knew of what happened and that Jim was the only one who hadn’t returned to her original gender yet. This of course led to a riot of rumors being spread about why he was still a she. Some were just crazy or downright obscene, and some left Jim a bit worried they might be hitting a bit close to home. She wasn’t sure yet, but Jim was anything but stupid, she knew there was a chance the improbable had happened between Spock and her. A part of her desperately wanted it to be true. Another part was terrified at the possibility it was true. Then of course there was the chance she hadn’t changed back due to one of her crazy allergies. Maybe it had left him permanently a “her.” If so she should really get used to thinking of in terms of being female, of identifying as female. That would be healthy, right? Honestly Jim really didn't care at this point. She wanted to go back to being a "he" but was willing to settle as a "she" if it came to it. A body was a body after all and didn't define who she/he was. At least that was what Jim kept repeating to herself.

Jim reached her locker and spun the lock open. Face hidden in the shadows of her open locker, Jim closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It wouldn’t due to let the masses see how they had gotten to her. Once she was sure her heart was beating human-slow, she grabbed her PADDs and tossed her bag into the locker and shut the door. Stepping back she turned to face the press of teenage bodies flowing through the halls like spawning salmon. With a deep breath she stepped in and let herself be pushed along until she saw the door to her class. Forcing herself through the mass of bodies, she jerked the door to her Anthropology class open and made her way to her seat.

It didn’t appear that anyone else had arrived to the class yet and Jim found herself quietly grateful. Setting her PADDs on her desk, Jim sat down, resting her jaw against the palm of her hand, and looked out the window at the fruit trees and shrubs the previous graduating classes had planted. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there just spacing out, but at some point some of her classmates had filed into the room, dropping their PADDs on desks and forming little chatting pods. Jim glanced around the room, taking in each group and deeming them annoying but generally harmless. Jim looked away and feeling a tiny bit lonesome, turned on the small PADD that had been in her pocket and looked at the picture of Spock and her standing in front of the fireplace.

 _‘If only I could have gone with you.’_ Jim sighed quietly and went to turn the photo PADD off when it as snatched from her hands.

“Hey!” Jim threw herself from the chair and spun to face the leering jock holding her stolen PADD. “Give it back, Shorrden!”

“Aw,” Shorrden looked at the PADD and back to Jim. “Does little Jimmie want her picture back?”

“Give it back.” Jim glared at the taller boy.

“Make me, fag.” Shorrden glared at Jim, some dark emotion hiding behind the blatant hate and disgust in his eyes. “Or are you too limp wrested to get your boytoy’s picture back?”

Jim didn’t know where the explosion of burning rage came from, but suddenly her mind was swallowed whole by it, by the need to defend her K’diwa’s honor and force this lesser creature to submit.

There was a loud clattering noise and a lot of shouting and screaming, but all Jim could focus on were the dark eyes so different from her Spock’s, mocking her love for him, mocking her and thousands of other peoples lives and loves. There was a burst of pain in her knees and across her ribs, but Jim didn’t care. Her fists were tight against Shorrden’s throat, her body heavy a top his, pinning him beneath her. _‘Submit,’_ shirked her mind and Jim was uncertain if she said it out load.

“Jim!”

Hands were grabbing her arms, pulling Shorrden from her clutches as those same hands grabbed her waist, lifting her away from the gasping boy on the floor.

“Jim, calm down!”

The voice was familiar, the tone urgent but soothing. “Jim come on, he’s not worth it. Calm down.” Jim let out a shuddering breath, the red haze clouding his thoughts pulling back. “That’s right. Calm is good.”

Jim blinked and suddenly the room came back to full focus. Looking down, Jim noticed the strong dark arms around her waist securely holding her back against Scott’s chest. On the ground in front of her Shorrden Abernathy was staring up at her with wide eyes. His nose was bleeding profusely and his right eye was already starting to swell and darken. A small part of Jim’s mind smiled gleefully at the look of fear and rage on his face and the damp spot on his pants.

“You’re crazy, bitch! No wonder your family all left you,” Shorrden’s voice was still a bit high with fear, but Jim could hear his bravado begin to creep back in.  
It was hard for Jim not to flinch at the words and if Scott hadn’t been holding her, Jim would have grabbed her stuff and fled.

“What’s going on here?”

As one the students in the class turned to face the teacher standing in the doorway. Mr. Donnafrio was not an imposing man physically. He was tall and lean, verging on skinny, his dark brown hair was balding and his nose was just a tad too big. The only intimidating thing about him was his sharp hazel eyes, which watched them like a hawk watching injured rabbits.

Jim swallowed thickly. Mr. Donnafrio may like Jim, but the other students were sure to cast blame all on Jim.

“Shorrden started it, sir.”

Jim twisted to see Erica Kane standing a few feet away looking at their teacher. Her eyes flicked to Jim and then quickly back to the teacher. “Shorrden stole Jim's PADD and began to make some nasty derogatory and bigoted remarks about Jim and his family. Jim was only trying to get his PADD back.”

“Is this true, Shorrden?”

“Of course not!” Shorrden stood up and pointed at Jim, hands shaking. “The little fag tried to kill me for no reason!”

Mr. Donnafrio arched an eyebrow at Shorrden, his eyes almost glowing gold in the light. “I hardly think anyone, let alone Mr. Kirk, would attempt to kill you for no good reason. Also, I will not tolerate such derogatory terms used in my classroom.” He looked over all the students before stepping out of the doorway. “Jim, Shorrden, you’ll both go to the Principals office now and attend detention tonight. Scott, Erica, I want you two to go wth them to give your account of what happened. The rest of you,” his hawks eyes moved through the room catching each student, “will sit down and attend class without and further outbursts.”

As the four teens headed out of the room Jim found her Photo PADD lightly pushed into her hands by a somber Erica. “Thanks.”

Erica nodded and continued to walk with him to the Principal’s office, Shorrden and Scott arguing as they walked just ahead. A small smile played across Erica’s features as she watched Scott browbeat the other boy.

Jim watched her watching Scott and Shorrden a little longer before looking away. The other girl confused him a bit. They had never been friends, in fact Jim was fairly sure Erica hadn’t even known she had existed until the accidental gender change. So to have one of the most popular girls in school stand up for her was pretty amazing. _‘Of course,’_ Jim wondered, _‘maybe she had an ulterior motive for doing so.’_ Very few people had ever helped Jim without wanting something in return.

Jim looked away from Scott as they entered the office. The receptionist looked up at Shorrden and Jim and gave a gusty sigh. She gave the two a reproachful sigh and waved them to the empty seats by the door. Using the old intercom she advised the Principal of their arrival and then quietly went back to reading her trashy romance novel.

The wait seemed to stretch on for hours, though the clock showed only fifteen minutes passed. Jim was starting to get twitchy, her right leg bouncing up and down, when they were finally called into the office.  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *

  
**6 pm; Kirk Farm**

Jim tried not to sigh as Mr. Freedman’s truck slowed to a stop in front of her house. It had been a long and trying Monday and he really didn’t want to have another adult lecture her on social manners and responsibilities. She really just wanted to get inside and look at her pictures and wash Spock was still here.

“Are you going to be alright here on your own, Jim?”

“I’ll be fine, sir. I can take care of myself.”

Mr. Freedman smile slightly and looked over at Jim. “I know you can. But there is a big difference between being able to and needing too. I know you can do this on your own but you don’t have to.”

Jim looked away, suddenly uncomfortable. The only adults who had ever seemingly cared about her had left and those that should have cared never did. So although the words were a kindness, an offer to give in and let someone else take control, she found it hard to believe them to be true. Rather than tell that to one of the few adults who acknowledged her existence, Jim just nodded and got out of the truck.

“Thanks for the lift, Mr. Freedman.”

There was a small almost sad, knowing smile on his face. “I’ll have Scott pick you up tomorrow.”

“Ok.” Jim turned her back to him and shrugged her backpack on over one shoulder. As she opened the locked front door she finally heard the sound of his truck back out of the drive and leave.

Releasing a deep sigh Jim closed the door behind her. The house felt strangely hollow as if Spock and his family had taken all the life from the house when they left.

Jim looked at the empty hall before her and tried not to sigh. This place felt utterly barren without Spock and his family here. For the first time in Jim's life she had been living with people who seemed to like her and it was hard now to go back to the way things were before where no one seemed to care that she was miserable. That she was lonely and broken and waiting... She was tired of lying to herself. She knew she was waiting, waiting for a Mother who couldn't stand the sight of her to come home just once with a smile and a "I missed you." She was waiting for a big brother who was supposed to love and protect her to come back. To tell her he was sorry for abandoning her to their step-father and a life of abuse, hatred and self doubt. And now... Now she was waiting for Spock.

Somehow it was almost worse waiting for him. She knew he loved her and that he would come back, she just didn't know when or if...or if he would still love her when he did and found not the girl he loved waiting but a boy in her place. Jim wanted to think it wouldn't matter, that Spock would love her regardless of her gender. But so few things had ever ended happily for Jim that it was a hard thing to believe. Happiness just didn't seem to be something meant for James T Kirk like it was for everyone else. Silently Jim prayed that she would stay a girl if it meant keeping Spock. She would gladly give up being her Father's son for Spock and the love he offered.

Jim paused in the doorway to the library, silently forcing back tears at the empty room. It seemed to resonate all the loneliness Jim felt but couldn't express. For a short time, like Jim, the room had been alight with warmth, love and companionship the likes of which had not been seen in the house and lives of the Kirk family since the death of George Kirk. Now it echoed with the cold touch of an agonizing awareness of all that had been and was lost.

Jim forced herself to look away from the room and the memories that it woke. Finally allowing the sigh that had been building to pass her lips, Jim turned away from the room and headed upstairs. She still had homework to do, no matter her emotions or how mind numbingly boring said work was. She couldn't let herself sink into depression. She was stronger than that. She wouldn't let her K'diwa's absence drag her into a pit of depression. She would prove him right, she would buck up and graduate with honors, she would go onto college and prove both to him and herself she was a worthy mate.

Setting her backpack on the desk next to her bed, Jim quietly stretched before pulling out the chair and sitting down. She had work to do and she best get it done before she had to take care of the animals and her dinner.

  
*~*~*~*~*

  
**Day 21; 2:15 pm, Riverside High School**

Jim really wanted to rest her head against the cold rim of the toilet but the knowledge that it was a public restroom, in a high school no less, held her back. The violent churning in her stomach had started last night and didn't appear to be going away. She wanted to believe it was just food poisoning but the fact she was still a girl while everyone else had already reverted back to normal, and the memory of all the unprotected sex she had, made her think it more likely she was pregnant. True Spock wasn't fully human and that should mean that as a hybrid he was sterile or at least not genetically capable of producing offspring with a full-blooded human. His green blood would make one think it more likely he could breed naturally, with only another Vulcan. Of course that green blood could also be the reason that this pregnancy, if she was pregnant, was hitting her so hard. She didn't think morning sickness was supposed to hit so early on.

"Ghuy'cha," Jim groaned out what may have been a curse in Klingon and pushed herself up from the floor. She couldn't stay hiding in the bathroom much longer. They were supposed to be preparing to practice the walk to their seats fir graduation.

Jim pushed herself up into a standing position, swaying slightly which made the heaving in her stomach all the worse. Taking a deep breath she stepped out of the cubicle and went to the sink to rinse out her mouth. Feeling a bit less rank with her mouth thoroughly rinsed out, Jim left the bathroom to rejoin her classmates out in the gym.

Scott was leaning against the wall by the entrance to the girls restroom when Jim came out.

"What are you doing?" Jim looked at Scott, eyebrow cocked up towards her hairline. "You don't need to protect my virtue, Scott."

"Maybe I don't, but all the same, someone should protect you from the rabid harpies of Riverside High. Wouldn't want them messin' with your pretty face." Scott grinned widely at Jim, his white teeth shinning in his dark skin.

"You're being ridiculous, but whatever." Jim shook her head trying to hide her smile.

"You ready for this?"

"For what? Not having to deal with an endless supply of mindless homework and repetitive lessons. Or for stepping into the 'real world'?"

"Man, Jim. When did you get this cynical?"

Jim gave Scott a long look before turning to look back to the crowd of milling students. "Have you been paying any attention, Scott?"

"Oh come on, Jim. You've got to start seeing some of the good things about life."

"Yeah, well, not a lot of good things happen in mine. I'm not as lucky as you."

"Only because you look at everything negatively. Good things do happen to you. I mean just look at the Vulcan family that stayed with you. That was a good thing, right? You and their kid became friends, or more than friends according to rumor."

Jim looked away as blood flooded her face, turning her bright red.

Scott chuckled. "Maybe not so much a rumor after all."

"God, how did that rumor even start?"

"Oh come on, everyone knows Mr. Blockman is a terrible gossip."

"Great. Just fucking lovely."

"Don't worry so much. It's not like the rest of us didn't experiment with the new parts.  He'll I heard Janey and Andrea decided to try out their news bits on each other!"

"Ugh...I so did not want to picture the two of them fucking each other while they were guys!"

Scott chuckled. "It could be worse. I could have told you the rumor about what, or should I say who, Todd Okartis did while a girl."

"Okay, double ick. I am sure there is something in the Geneva Convention baring that kind of stuff as cruel and unusual punishment."

Scott laughed loud enough that some of the kids standing in a little cluster a few feet away turned to look at them.

"Ok, students listen up!"

All the students slowly turned to face Mr. Donnafrio who was standing on the stage at the front of the gym. The teacher looked over the crowd, waiting for them to quiet down before speaking again. "We don't have a lot of time to run through this, so let's try to get this right the first time."

Some students muttered groans while others quietly agreed they wanted this over with as quickly as possible. Jim found herself agreeing with the latter.

Even with Mr,. Donnafrio taking command of them with an iron fist, it still managed to take nearly three hours to run through the walking procedures for the graduation ceremony. By the end of it Jim's feet and back were killing her and all she wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep for a good twelve hours.

"Man, I never thought that would end! Who knew people couldn't fucking figure out how to walk in line with each other. This makes me doubt the intelligence of all us humans as a species."

"I think I'm going to agree with you this time, Jim. This was pretty sad." Scott rubbed the back of his neck and herded Jim out the gym doors into the parking lot. "Do you want to stop at the Ice House or at Murphy's for something to eat before I drop you off at your farm?"

"Murphy's would be good."

  
*~*~*~*~*

  
**9:32 pm; Kirk Family Farm**

  
Jim lay back on her bed, rolled over and pressed her face into Spock's pillow. She wanted to think she could still smell him on it, but it had been so long since Spock had rested against it that his scent was just a memory now. It just reminded her again that she was alone and missing him.

Sitting back up Jim looked over to her desk where a small framed photo of Sarek, Amanda, Spock and herself rested next to a similarly framed photo of Spock, one of the ones they had taken privately. It wasn't the most erotic one, just one that really personified Spock for her. She spent a long time looking at the two pictures, taking in Amanda's smiling face, Sarek' piercing gaze, and the look of soulful longing in Spock deep gaze. For a long while Jim just looked at the image. Flashes of memory, the sound of Spock's voice, the gentle caress of his hand, Amanda's warm laughter, the sight of Sarek over the chessboard.

All passed in front of her minds eye.

Jim rubbed a fist over her eyes, sniffing slightly before standing and moving to the desk. She stood there looking at the pictures before reaching out and gently lifting it from the desk. _'Spock, oh how I miss you.'_

Jim set the picture down and ran her hands through her hair. She could spend way too much time just staring into space thinking of Spock, longing to have him back. For those three days it had finally felt like she had had a family. A real family. Now that they were gone it was like having that gaping wound in her heart torn open even wider. While they were here, she had been cared for, loved even, and now they were gone. All the old doubts began to surface again and she began to doubt her memory of them. Had they...had Spock really loved her as much as she had thought.? Or had he been drowning in teenage hormones like Jim was? Could it have been a whirlwind romance only in her mind?

 _'Don't be a fatalist,'_ Jim sternly told herself. _'You know he loved you. You felt it every time he joined our minds. He does love me...He does.'_

Eyes growing heavy, Jim slipped into a deep but fit full sleep.

  
*~*~*~*~*

  
**Day 25; 3:05 am, Kirk Family Farm**

It was pain that woke her. Not the pain of loss and loneliness that echoed through her soul, but a sharp, grinding physical pain. It woke her with a sudden gasp. As the fog of sleep left her mind, Jim found herself rolling onto her side, drawing her knees up to her chest. The pain throbbed through her pelvis and deep into her lower abdomen. Tears leaked from her eyes as she clutched at the bedding and tried not to cry out. The pain seemed to stretch on forever with no relief in sight. And then, as suddenly as it came the pain dropped to a low throb deep in her pelvic muscles which slowly faded away. Out of the grasp of the pain her body seemed to hum with the sudden absence of what had felt nearly crippling. It was suddenly bearable to breathe again. Relaxing her grasp on the bedding, Jim stretched out, her legs shivering.

Even when she had first gone from male to female the pain had not been that great. Then the pain had been a flowing wave of discomfort, similar to when Jim had spent too much time doing manual labor. It had been a dull ache in the muscles, not the sharp, wrenching pain that had localized itself to her groin.  
Forcing herself up and off the bed, Jim headed into the bathroom. She didn't know what had caused the pain but she didn't want to risk any blood getting on the hardwood floor of the bedroom if it was just PMS. She was hoping that it wasn't some kind of spontaneous abortion. She didn't know for certain she was pregnant, but a small portion of her hoped she was. The idea that a part of Spock was growing inside her was both terrifying and comforting.

Jim groaned as her muscles protested the short walk to the bathroom. Her legs were still shaking and she found herself listing to the side badly enough that she had to reach out to grip the desk and the walls as she made her way to the bathroom door just to keep from collapsing to the floor. She paused, leaning her whole body against the door frame as a small ripple of pain shot through her abdomen again. Although it only lasted a couple seconds, it left Jim gasping.

For another long moment Jim found herself unwilling to take those last steps into the bathroom. She was James T. Kirk though and she had suffered through worse pain and still managed to get done what needed to be done.

Taking a deep breath she moved out of the doorway and steeped into the bathroom, flicking on the light. She had to blink spots out of her eyes at the sudden light but she was standing and the pain had vanished again. Her reflection stared back from the mirror, it's blue eyes dark with the shadows of restless sleep.

Resting part of her weight against the sink she push the pajama pants down her hips. The thin cotton pooling around her feet. With a flick of one foot she sent them sliding across the tile to the wall. A single glance had proven there was no blood staining them.

Swallowing back an irrational surge of fear, Jim pushed up her top and looked down the length of her body. The curve of her hips were still very much a woman's but the length of flesh resting in a nest of curls between her legs was very much male. Stunned and a little confused Jim let her trembling fingers stroke through the corse hair and down the silken length of her cock. Jim swallowed thickly. It felt like how she remembered from before the change, but that spot deeper between her legs still had that almost heavy, damp feel to it that Jim had begun to associate with her vagina.

Carefully she slide her fingers off her cock, over the slightly swollen flesh where her testicles should have been hanging to where the wet lips of her cunt was. _'Still have that, huh? Ok. I can work with this. Maybe it's just coming in a little at a time.'_

Jim found it strange that she still had breasts and a cunt alongside a mans penis. Yet she had no testicles! What was up with that?

Pushing hands through her hair to the back of her skull and then back down over her face, Jim decided it was just too early in the morning to care about any of this. Opening the medicine drawer in the sink cupboard, Jim took out and swallowed a couple of aspirin before retrieving her pants and heading back to bed. She could deal with her fucked up gender problem later.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*

  
**9:25 am, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
Jim cursed as she looked at the glowing green numbers on her alarm clock. She should have gotten up hours ago! Betsy was going to be through one hell of a hissy fit about having to wait so long to be milked.

Cursing loudly, Jim threw on some cloths and rushed outside.

The back door of the house slammed behind her as she rushed into the yard. A moment later Jim heard some loud barking and there coming from the barn were two sleek forms, one a golden honey tone the other a mix of charcoal and cream. Jim recognized the dogs immediately. They were two of Mr.Freedman's prize winning Salukis. Kalilia and Amin were well known in Riverside. They were one of the few things that brought people to the small town. They had won enough awards that their puppies were quite the prize from what Jim had heard. They were beautiful dogs, a bit more fancy than what most people pictured when thinking of a hunting dog, but they were great sight hounds.

The two dogs bounded over, tags wagging like crazy, as they wagged their tails and jumped at Jim. The golden Kalilia gave a sharp bark and jumped up, planting her paws on her shoulder and went to cover her face in dog kisses. Jim pushed, ineffectively at the hyper hound, and laughingly arched his face out of the range of the dogs tongue.

"Come on, girl, I already had a bath!"

Like normal the dog ignored her. Stepping back Jim tripped over Amin and fell to the ground. The two dogs took the opportunity and pounced. Jim's wild, hearty laughter filled the yard as he tried to dodge to overly exuberant dogs and their excessive wet kisses.

A sharp whistle had both dogs bounding away from Jim, toward the figure that had emerged from the barn.

"Hey there, Jim." Scott smiled and scratched at the dogs heads. "Looks like you made some new friends."

"Yeah," Jim grasped Scott's arm as the other boy pulled Jim up from the ground. "Any particular reason you stopped by?"

"Can't I just be neighborly?"

Jim rolled her eyes and gave Scott a pointed look.

"Alright, alright. I was just a little worried about you being here all alone. Especially since you've been sick."

"I'm fine. I'm starting to change back so that's probably why I've been sick."

Scott gave Jim a doubtful look. "None of the rest of us tossed our cookies like that."

"None of the rest of you got stuck this way for so long either."

"True, but it is still worrying. You really should see a doctor just to be safe."

Jim rolled her eyes but nodded. "I already made an appointment to see Doc O'Neill this afternoon."

"Good. I'll give you a lift."

"You don't need to."

"Do you have another way to get there?"

Jim huffed loudly and turned to head to the barn.

"I already took care of the animals. The cows milked and the eggs are in a basket on the porch."

Jim arched an eyebrow and looked back at the porch. Sure enough, tight next to the door was a basket filled with eggs. She must have missed it in her rush to get to Betsy. Giving Scott a nod she moved back to the house waving him to follow. Kalilia and Amin barked happily and ran circles around the two as they headed back.

"Can they come in or should I have them stay outside?"

Jim looked down at Amin who had shoved his dark head into Jim's hip. Scratching the furry ears Jim replied, "They can come in."  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**Chapter 7**

 

* * *

  
**Day 26; 1:45 am, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
Jim found that for whatever reason it was turning out to be surprisingly difficult to take the three steps to the sink to look at the small device that contained her future. Would she have to keep forcing herself to think in terms of being "female" or could she relax and start thinking in terms of being "male" again? It was strangely terrifying. She still had breasts and a vagina but she also had a penis, although there was still no outward sign of her testicles. God, that was just awkward to think. She was sick of being a girl and getting all those patronizing looks from the rest of the population of Riverside. Just because she hadn't changed back when everyone else did didn't mean anything! She had thought she could stand being female if it meant keeping Spock, but with him so far away she realized she couldn’t…didn’t want to stay a girl forever.    Taking a deep breath and drawing up all the courage she could spare Jim stood up and went to stand in front of the sink, staring down at the innocent looking white test stick. This was it. Time to see if she had kept a bit of Spock with her or if her biology was just fucking with her.

_**'DATA INCONCLUSIVE.’** _

Jim shook the stick violently before looking at the screen. _**'DATA INCONCLUSIVE,'**_ flashed back at her.

Growling, Jim hurled the stick at the trash bin. This was ridiculous on far too many levels to be comfortable. He didn't want to be a 'she!' Not forever. At first he had thought he would be okay with it as long as he had Spock, but after returning to school...after returning Jim knew he couldn't be a girl. He had to be a boy. Even if it meant he had to be a pregnant boy. A boy that his K'diwa might not want. For a while it had been easy to be a girl. Spock had only seen him as a girl and had wanted her, had loved her. But now Spock was gone and the real world was pushing in and he couldn't pretend anymore.

Jim slumped to the ground, knees drawn up and pushed his hands through his hair. He wanted to know now. He should already know but Dr. O'Neill had had to reschedule their appointment until next week. Jim was sure the Doctor could have done some kind of test that could do better than _ **'DATA INCONCLUSIVE.’**_

Frustrated and more than a little pissed off, Jim pulled himself up from the floor and went back into her bedroom. The pregnancy test left forgotten on the bathroom floor.

* ~ * ~ * ~ *

  
**3:12 pm, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
Jim had slept fitfully after his morning pregnancy test. If he was truthful, he had been having a hard time sleeping for over a week now. He was constantly exhausted and it was getting harder to get up and do all the chores. He knew he could ask Scott for help but he was hesitant to do so. He didn't want to appear any weaker than he already did.

Forcing himself out of bed, Jim dressed and headed outside. Inside the barn Betsy gave him a disgruntled look. Her udder was overfilled and her feed barrel empty, not to mention the pungent scent from the cow patties in the straw. Jim wrinkled his nose but quickly led her to a clean stall and went to work milking her. Afterwards he set her loose in the pasture and headed back into the barn to clean out her stall.

It took far too long to clean it out with his body aching and begging to sleep, but he couldn't just leave it like that. He could have caused Betsy serious harm by missing her morning milking. Jim pushed his hands through his hair, tugging on the short strands. He would have to call Mr. Freedman to come out and to look her over. He couldn't afford to risk injury to Betsy due to his carelessness.

Jim looked at the now empty and clean stall. Shaking his head he moved out of the small space and headed towards the fresh hay bails. He would need to put a fresh layer down in the stall before he could put Betsy back in here for the night.

His back and arms were sore and Jim really didn't want to try and move the bails on his own, but he didn't have much choice. His body crying out in protest, Jim pulled at the heavy bails, slowly inching one off the pile. As the straw hit the floor Jim found his sight going gray around the edges. His legs suddenly felt like Jello and the floor began to tilt at an alarming angle. Before he met the floor the gray turned to black.

He didn’t know for how long he was unconscious, only that it must have been a while as the temperature in the barn seemed to have dropped by about three, maybe five degrees. Moaning at the dull pain throbbing in his body, Jim rolled over and pushed himself up and off the floor. Whatever was happening to him, whether it was just his body reverting back to male, or whether it was a possible pregnancy, it was getting dangerous. He knew he should at the very least consider asking Scott to come stay for a while to help with the farm, but he was so used to being independent. He had been basically running this farm since his Mother had left. He had never needed help before to take care of this place. He really didn’t want to have to get help now. He didn’t want to be seen as any weaker than he already was. People still talked about him, about his past. He didn’t want to add to their list of all time favorite gossip.

Jim pushed the hay bail into the stall and quickly went about setting it up for tonight. His mind continued to wander, thinking up different possibilities, different paths to take. Should he buy another pregnancy test or wait until his appointment with Dr. O’Neill? Should he write to Spock or wait for Spock to write him? In the end he decided he really wanted to hear from Spock. So he made his way to the house, already preplanning what he should write. If he didn’t think it over he would probably spend all night writing and rewriting it.

Jim grabbed his PADD and went to sit in the wing-back chair in the library. He had been thinking about writing to Spock for a couple days now. He didn’t really now what to say to him other than he missed Spock and wanted to see him again. But that just made him feel completely lame. He knew Spock would want to know about what was happening, how things at school were going but Jim wasn’t sure that would be very interesting for his Vulcan. True Spock had been very interested in Jim for the few days they were here but would he really want to hear about Jim’s fight with Shorrden? Or how long and dull the graduation ceremony was and that the after party had been in Kathy Howard’s barn. He probably wouldn’t like hearing that Jim was tossing his cookies all the time or that he hadn’t been able to keep up all the farm chores and try to find a job, that Jim was just exhausted all the time. But there really wasn’t mush else to tell Spock. So in the end he did spend several hours before putting Betsy back in the barn, writing and rewriting his first letter to Spock.

The letter ended up being nearly fives pages long and full of all the stuff Jim had told himself not to say. In some ways he thought it more resembled a diary entry than a love letter. He was sure though that Spock would like to hear that Jim was being faithful and that he wanted desperately to see Spock again. Jim had even stuffed a couple pictures of him (still looking rather female) standing next to Scott and Mr. Freedman after the graduation ceremony. Jim knew he should tell Spock the truth, that Jim was really a boy and that he had accidentally turn into a girl due to some freak accident during a Chemistry class. But he wasn’t ready to. Not just yet. Soon though, soon he would tell Spock. Perhaps in the next letter, after Spock had written back.

Jim looked down at the paper envelope, thick and full of his emotions and deceptions. He could only hope that Spock would write back quickly. Jim stroked his fingers over the envelope one more time and turned away to get ready for bed.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
 

 **Day 32; 6:05 am, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
Paul had been thinking about Jim for a few days now. He had gone over to check over Betsy after Jim admitted that he had slept through Betsy’s morning milking. It was certainly unusual. Jim had always been a very responsible lad when it came to that farm. So Jim missing something that he had been doing since he was five, struck Paul as a sign that something was wrong. Jim had looked pale, with heavy bags under his eyes. Hell, even his smile, which normally lit up the room like the fourth of July, was dull and almost lifeless. He had been very worried, especially once his son had told him that Jim had been sick during graduation.

Paul had been good friends with George and he had known Jim since the lad was knee high to a grasshopper. He knew that Jim had been hurt a lot during his lifetime and Paul didn’t want to see it happen again. There was no one there now to take care of Jim. No one to rest a hand on his temple and test for a fever. No one to make him soup and argue with him to get some rest. No one to tease him and ruffle his hair. No one to smile at him in the mornings and greet him when he comes home. George wouldn’t have wanted that for either of his children.

Nodding to himself, Paul decided he would head over to the Kirk Farm and check on Jim. The lad shouldn’t be there all on his own and Paul would convince him of that. At the least Scott could stay there with Jim, but hopefully Jim would agree to just move in here until he was back to full health.

Course of action decided, Paul went to grab his keys, whistling for his two dogs to follow and headed for his truck. He would head on over and see about giving Jim a helping hand before he went in to town and opened his Vet Clinic for the day. If possible he would try to convince Jim to let Scott and him help him more than they already were and maybe he could even convince Jim to come and work at the Clinic. It would certainly make it easier on Jim to have a steady income, but it would also be a good way to monitor the lads health. He didn't like the idea of Jim being sick and alone in that house. Too much could happen.

Paul held the door to his truck open as Amin and Kalilia came running. The two dogs barked excitedly at the sight of the truck and tried to jump into the cab at the same time. Paul chuckled and held Kalilia back as Amin hopped inside. The big male circled the cab once and then sat down in the middle of the bench style seat. The moment he had claimed his spot Paul let go of Kalilia and let her jump inside taking the spot between Amin and the door. Paul shook his head, a warm smile stretching his lips, and circled around to the drivers side and hopped in. The engine purred to life as he turned the key in the ignition.

The truck was old, built sometime in the 1970's, but was still in surprisingly good condition. The engine had been replaced years ago with a modern engine to keep up with the Federation laws regarding toxic emissions. He liked his classic Earth vehicles but he wasn't of the opinion that keeping them historically accurate was more important than the careful regeneration of the ozone. The Vulcan's had gone through a lot of trouble when they helped to found the Federation, to make the planet's environments stable and healthy.

Paul spent a lot of time musing on the matter while he tried not to think about what could have made Jim so sick. It was only a distraction but he would prefer not to think about the matter until he saw Jim for himself again. If the boy was still as sick looking as last week, well...he wasn't going to give Jim or Doc O'Neill the chance to reschedule the appointment.

The road to the Kirk Farm were still dry and a cloud of yellow dust rose up from his tires. If Jim was up then he was bound to see the dust cloud long before he actually saw the truck. Still Paul always worried about just dropping by without notice, it went against the grain on every bit of manners his Mother had beat into his head as a child.

"A bit late to worry about that now, huh, loves?" Paul let his right hand leave the wheel to scratch Amin's head. "Bad manners, but I'm sure Jim will at least be happy to see you two.”

By the passenger-side door Kalilia's tail was wagging furiously as she caught sight of the old farmhouse. Amin was hardly any better.

Paul stopped the truck and placed it in park before stepping out, the two dogs surging out behind him. "Everything is quiet out front so Jim must still be in the back."

Looking away from the front if the house Paul made his way around the side and to the back where the barn and small garden were. He could see a hint of light peeking out from beneath the bar door and there in the pasture alongside the barn was Betsy the cow, quietly grazing on the yellow grass. A good sign that Jim had not overslept and missed milking her. Thinking Jim must still be in the barn working on something else, Paul calmly made his way over to the barn door. As he stepped inside something tickled at his brain. Something was off kilter here.

Looking around Paul realized Jim wasn't here even though the light was on. Jim wasn’t in the empty stalls and he couldn’t hear anything moving in the hayloft. Moving further into the barn, Paul stopped as a cold shiver went down his spine. Looking around he realized the blast of cold air had come from the open dairy freezer.

Suddenly it was hard to breathe. Every terrifying thought of what was making Jim so sick hit him fast and hard. Without hesitation he ran to the freezer, practically throwing himself into the small cold room. His breath came out a frozen gush of frosty air but it wasn't the low temperature of the room that frozen his blood. It was the sight of his dead friend's son, of Jim, laying unconscious on the floor of the freezer his lips already turning blue.

* ~ * ~ * ~ *

**Day 33; 10:52 am, Riverside General**

The light that reached his eyes as they cracked open was nearly blinding. Wincing, Jim squeezed them shut and tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his temples and behind his eyes. When that didn't make the pain any less he tried to focus on the rest if his body. Every muscle felt as if it was weighed down by a Starship nacelle. For a moment he thought maybe someone had tied him down and drugged him, because damn but he was tired. It was like he hadn't slept for a week.

"Hey there kiddo, you can open your eyes. The lights are lower set now.”

Warily cracking open one eye, Jim looked toward the sound of the familiar voice.

"Not so bad now, is it?" Paul Freedman gave Jim a tired smile.

Jim blinked. The older man looked about as exhausted as Jim felt. There was something weak, almost desperate in his eyes as they watched Jim. Jim felt his cheeks heating with blood as they watched each other. He could imagine this is what it must feel like to have a parent worried about you. 'What a novel experience.’

Jim licked his lips and finally let his gaze shift away from Mr. Freedman, to look about the room. 'Bland colorless walls, terribly scratchy linens, bleach smell...yeah, another hospital. Fuck.' Jim looked back to Mr. Freedman. "What happened?”

"We were hoping you could tell us, Jim. I found passed out and nearly hypothermic in the cold storage room in your barn.”

Jim's eyebrows drew together as he tried to remember. "I was putting the milk away...I had gotten it put in the pasteurizer...I had set the bucket down to get...something. I don't...I...the ground came up…"

"It's okay, Jim. Don't push yourself." Paul put his large hand on Jim's shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Doc O'Neill has done some preliminary tests since they got you back to a healthy temperature, to see what is going on. She's still waiting on the last of the results though. But it sounds to me like you fainted. Have you been eating alright? I have some good stew at home you can have.”

"I'm eating fine," Jim looked away, the blush in his cheeks spreading up to his ears.

"He needs a bit more vitamins in his diet, Paul," stated Dr. O'Neill as she stepped in the room. "Mr. Kirk is anemic, strangely enough he is copper anemic rather than iron anemic." The doctor frowned at her PADD, barely looking up at Jim in her frustration. “Mr. Kirk did you engage in penetrative sex during the period of time in which you were fully female?”

Jim’s eyes went wide and he quickly looked away. He couldn’t believe that she was asking him that while Mr. Freedman was in the room. How could she expect him to just answer that? God, could this day be any more embarrassing?

“Jim,” Dr. O’Neill’s voice came out a bit irritated and Jim suddenly realised she must have tried to get his attention a couple of times now. “While I realise this must be very boring for you,” her gaze narrowed and Jim found himself grimacing. She was so good at making him feel guilty for nothing. “You should answer me.”

“Yes…”

“Yes, what, Jim?”

“Yes I had penetrative sex with a guy.”

“Scott,” asked Mr. Freedman

Jim’s head jerked towards Mr. Freedman. “Oh hell no! I promise it wasn’t Scott.”

Mr. Freedman couldn’t help but smirk at the panicked look on Jim’s face. “Would it be bad if it was?”

“NO! Scott is great really, I just…uh…we aren’t-“

“Relax, Jim. I’m just teasing you.”

“That’s all well and good you two, but I will need to know who you slept with, Jim,” stated Dr. O’Neill. “I’ll need to get his medical files incase there are any anomalies we should be aware of.”

“I…uh,” Jim blushed and looked down. “It was the Vulcan boy, Spock, who stayed at my house.”

“A Vulcan? Really,” Dr. O’Neill looked at Jim shocked. “Well, that would explain the copper deficiency.” Dr. O’Neill shook her head. “I would love to help with this but I don’t have the right kind of training for such a high risk pregnancy, especially not for a hybrid baby. I’m going to get a few more scans and then I am going to contact a college at Starfleet Medical. He has more experience with hybrid physiology and male pregnancy than anyone in the state.”

“Starfleet? Do you have to contact them?”

Dr. O’Neill gave Jim a long penetrating look before letting a small smile appear. “He isn’t a part of Starfleet but he does work with them on occasion and does lectures for their advanced medical classes. He is the most qualified Doctor I can think of to help with this and I’m sure this will be far more interesting for him than anything Starfleet will be throwing at him right now.” Dr. O’Neil picked up the tricorder on the table by the door and set about scanning his abdomen and groin. “Dr. Phlox will likely want to do some more tests of his own once he gets here but until then you can rest.” Nodding at the tricorder she quickly made some more notes on her PADD. “I want you to stay overnight for observation. We’ll see how you are in the morning and if it looks good you can go home with Mr. Freedman. Since this is a high-risk pregnancy, Jim, I need you to stay with someone. We can’t risk you collapsing again like you did today.”

Jim nodded, feeling suddenly serious. The pregnancy shouldn’t surprise him. He had thought for a while now that he must be pregnant, that that was why he hadn’t fully changed back to being male. Still he could feel the vice-like grip momentarily squeeze his heart until he had to fight to take in a breath. “Yeah, maybe that is for the best, I guess.”

“Good.” Dr. O’Neill turned and nodded for Paul to join her in the hallway. “I’ll need you to fill out some papers for me, Paul and then we can let Mr. Kirk rest up until later.”

“Sure,” Paul patted Jim’s knee before standing and following the doctor out of the room.

Jim watched them through the window for a few minutes, wondering what they were talking about that they didn’t want him to hear before falling back into sleep.  
  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
  
**Day 35; 11:15 am, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
In the end Dr. O’Neil had managed to keep Jim in the hospital for an extra day and a half before she would let him be signed out. It was irritating being confined to the small room and the uncomfortable bed. The only people who came to see him were Mr. Freedman and Scott, well besides all the Nurses and the doctor herself, but they hardly counted as they were only there for their jobs and not Jim. It was depressing really. The hospital must have tried to call his Mom or Sam but of course neither had answered. He doubted they would have located Sam, wherever he had run away to years ago and his Mother never responded. It didn’t matter what he did, how badly hurt he was, she never answered any of the messages Jim sent through the right Starfleet channels.

Jim closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. These were old wounds and he couldn’t let them keep hurting him. He was an adult now, admittedly he was still a minor by the letter of the law but he had his own home he was taking care of, a promise of an income once he was ready, a fiancé waiting for him to be of age and a child on the way. He was an adult in all the ways that really mattered to him.

“Are you hungry at all, Jim? You didn’t eat breakfast and you need to keep your health up.”

Jim looked away from the fireplace to where Scott was standing next him, one dark mocha colored hand resting against the back of Jim’s chair. Even now looking up at Scott’s striking visage he was reminded of Spock. Where Scott’s black hair was long and held back in a braid going down his back, Spock’s was neatly trimmed and short, barley more than stubble at the base of his skull. Scott’s skin was warm and dark and Spock a pale white, tinted lightly with an olive tone from his green blood. Both seemed to have the same rich coffee colored eyes, but the eyebrows…oh those eyebrows of Spock’s, so mobile and graceful as they arched up his forehead. They were both so very different and yet both of them had the same warm aura of gentle kindness radiating from them.

“Jim?”

“No, sorry…yeah I suppose I should eat something.”

Scott smiled, flashing white teeth. “Alright then, anything specific?”

Jim scrunched up his nose as he thought. Some of his favorite foods were making him ill just smelling them, which sucked. He wanted a chocolate banana milk shake so bad, but the scent of the chocolate was making him nauseous. “Do we have any bananas?”

“Yeah, a few. Do you want me to get some more next time we head into town?”

“Yeah, I seemed to have an easier time with fruits and vegetables…actually some spinach with the banana would be good, maybe some Greek yogurt as well.”

Scott chuckled and ruffled Jim’s hair. “I’ll see what I can do. We don’t have any yogurt but there is still some cottage cheese?”

Jim glanced at his belly and looked back up to Scott. “Okay add a bit of that in as well.”

“Can do.” Scott shook his head and chuckled as he head out of the library through the formal sitting room and into the kitchen.

Jim had to chuckled quietly to himself. He had the stereotypical strange food cravings, and somehow he was sure they would likely get weirder as the pregnancy progressed. But he supposed that weird cravings were the least of his worries.

It didn’t take long for Scott to fill up one of the stoneware soup bowls with chopped up banana bits, fresh spinach leaves and add a dollop cottage cheese to the top. While the dish looked absolutely disgusting it also looked freakishly appetizing to his pregnant stomach. Scott looked away, his face a little green from watching Jim eat.

“Oh thank God,” Scott practically ran out into the hall as they heard the sound of his Dad’s truck pull into the drive.

Jim barely glanced up from his bowl as Scott headed outside to meet his Dad and Dr. Phlox. It wasn’t because he was scared of a doctor. He was James T Kirk, no doctor was going to make him hide in his library. No, he was just too comfortable to move. That was all.

The sound of footsteps in the hall and a new soft voice filtered into Jim. He almost got up to go see the famous Dr. Phlox but figured the doctor was here to see him and he was the pregnant one so the good doctor would just have to suffer with Jim’s lack of manners.

He could hear Scott talking as he took the doctors coat, putting it away in the hall closet. Mr. Freedman chuckling softly and interjecting with comments as he lead the other two into the library where Jim was (not so patiently) waiting. He had never meet a Denobulan before so that was kind of cool, but he could do without the guy being a doctor, or affiliated with Starfleet. Although that might be good. Maybe he knew Winona and would let slip her youngest was pregnant. Maybe then she would care – no, he had to be realistic. She would never care. She had made sure he understood that from a young age. If she cared she would have been there when he came back from Tarsus IV. Instead she had hidden away under a blanket response of “I’m on long term assignment.” Bull shit! Starfleet would have let her come to get him if she had asked. They had done so for Kevin and Mari-Anne’s parents. His Mother just didn’t love him. Not even enough to at least ask how he was doing after being witness to…to all of that.

“You must be, Jim,” The Denobulan, Dr. Phlox, was an elderly man with a rather large, but warm smile. The ridges along his temples were prominent but also pretty cool. Overall he had a rather pleasant face that reminded Jim of old man Sexton, who played Santa every year for the town.

“Yeah, that’d be me.”

Dr. Phlox came to sit on the couch near Jim, his hands carefully resting in his lap. “When you are ready we will go ahead and head to another room to begin the exam.”

“Okay.” Jim glanced down at the empty bowl in his lap. “We can use the guest room just across the hall. Now, I guess.”

“Very well.” Dr. Phlox gave Jim a wide smile that seemed to split his face. “This is quit exciting. You will be the second human male pregnancy I have had the good fortune to be witness to.”

“Really?”

“Indeed. The first was aboard the Enterprise under Captain Archer’s command. Commander Tucker was accidentally impregnated by a Xyrillian female while assisting them in repairs to their vessel.(1)”

“Um, Okay.” Jim gave Dr. Phlox a long look, not quit sure what to make of the man’s apparent joy at having another pregnant human male for a patient.

“Dr. O’Neill has advised me that the other Father is a Vulcan.”

“Yeah.”

Dr. Phlox nodded. “We will need to insure you have an extra source of copper in your diet then to counteract the copper the baby will be siphoning from your body.”

The two crossed the hall into the guest room where Dr. Phlox requested Jim to get on the bed and relax while he set up his equipment. There was surprising little of it but what there was, was fairly standard, or at least Jim assumed it was. There was the standard scanners, a tricorder, a case full of hyposprays, an expressive looking PADD and an ultrasound wand. The doctor had them all set out carefully in a row on a small table he had Scott bring in. After getting everything just the way he wanted he turned to Jim with yet another wide grin stretching his place.

“I will ask you to please remove your shirt. First I am going to just press my hands against your abdomen and I will ask you to tell me if it hurts at any time.”

“Can do, Doc.”

The doctor’s hands were warm against Jim’s stomach and the pressure light. It didn’t hurt but it was certainly uncomfortable enough to make Jim grunt at least once.

“How badly does it hurt here, Jim?”

“Not really pain,” he said as he rubbed at the spot. “Just an uncomfortable pressure.”

“Hmm.” Dr. Phlox picked up the tricorder and carefully scanned Jim’s abdomen. “Well, it’s nothing serious. Just appears you are mildly constipated, easily fixable.”

Before he knew it Jim found himself rubbing at the sore spot on his neck where Dr. Phlox had stabbed him with a hypospray. “What the hell!”

“That will fix the constipation.”

“Still,” Jim threw the doctor a dirty look, “You should warn a guy first.”

Dr. Phlox seemed to find Jim’s statement amusing. Several minutes passed much the same way, the doctor examining Jim with one of his tools and then jabbing him with a hypospray making Jim mutter and complain. All the while the doctor continued to smile and radiate a jovial mood. Before Jim knew it an hour had passed and he was actually starting to find the doctor amusing in an unexpected way.

“You are in excellent health overall and the fetus appears the same. I will need to schedule you for regular appointments, which we can do here or at my office in San Francisco?”

“I would prefer to stay here if possible.”

“Of course. I feel I should ask your permission to allow Dr. O’Neill to continue with us during these visits as she would be your primary doctor should you remain living in Riverside and she will need some greater experience with hybrids before I am comfortable leaving you entirely in her care.”

Jim took his time thinking about it. He had known Dr. O’Neill since he was little. She had taken care of him for just about everything and had memorized every strange allergy he had. She had seen him at his very worst and didn’t balk. “Yeah. Yeah, go ahead, that would be good.”

“I will advise her then.” Dr. Phlox smiled. “The next ten months shall be most exciting I believe.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Ten months!”  
   
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  


**Day 35; 0800 VST, Planet Vulcan, VSA**  
  
It had been thirty-two days, nineteen hours and thirteen minutes since he had left Earth, left Jim. Thirty-two days, nineteen hours and thirteen minutes since he had last touched his K’diwa. He wanted to see Jim again, to look into those blue eyes, to run his hands through the short golden locks, to feel…hole. It was not Vulcan to feel this way. A Vulcan did not feel. He has told himself this so many times. He had been “bullied” as the human’s said, since he was small. He had tried to learn to be better than his year mates. He had to be. If he was not more controlled then them, smarter then them then he was just as weak and emotional as they always claimed. Jim made him weak, made him emotional. He wanted to lock that away as he did with all the other emotions, to be as strong and emotionally cold as his Father. But he couldn’t. The thought of locking away his love for Jim…it hurt.

If he stayed here on Vulcan would he be able to be everything Jim needed? He would achieve his dream of attending the Vulcan Science Academy of proving himself just as intelligent as any other Vulcan. He would prove that he wasn’t deficient or handicapped simply because his Mother was Human, because his beloved was Human.

“Spock, come here. Let me see you.” His Mother’s voice was warm, her arms stretched out to him. Human Whore they had all called her, even the adults. She was not that. Never that.

“No.”  His voice sounded petulant even to his own ears. He could not let her seem him so compromised.

“Spock.” Her arms lowed and she gave him the same look she had when he was a small child. “There's no need to be anxious. You'll do fine.”

He looked away from her briefly before turning from the view looking out of the city to look back at her again. Her face was warm and full of all the love she had tried to shower him with while young enough not to understand why it was wrong. Why Vulcan’s could not love as she loved. He had been denying her for years.

Jim’s face, wide open and full of love as his Mother’s was flashed before his eyes. He could not turn away again. She was Human and she deserved at the very least his respect for staying on a planet where she was viewed as being less sentient than an animal. Where she was ostracized openly whenever his Father was not there. And yet here he was debating with himself if he could be the son she deserved while trying to be the Vulcan his Father wanted. He had no idea how to be both and to still be himself.

“I am hardly anxious, mother. And fine has variable definitions. Fine is unacceptable.”

Her fingers were warm against his collar. She patted his collar lightly, looking up into his eyes. “Okay.”

As her hands reached again to straighten the collar of his sweater he reached up and lightly took them in his other, holding them against his chest. “May I ask a personal query?”

“Anything.”

“Should I choose to complete the Vulcan discipline of Kolinahr, and purge all emotion, I trust, you will not feel it reflects judgment upon you.” The emotions that had been troubling him since first meeting Jim were growing into a raging sandstorm in his abdomen. He did not know if he could survive with them but at the same time he was unsure if he could live without them.

She shook her head and glanced down at their hands, clasped tightly together.  “Oh, Spock. As always, whatever you choose to be, you will have a proud mother.”

They stood there together for several minutes before the large double door to the main council hall opened and a court page summoned him inside. Whether he was ready or not his future was waiting in that room in the hands of five other Vulcans. Vulcans who had never looked upon this woman as anything but a disadvantage.

He felt her squeeze his hands one last time before she dropped his hands and nodded for him to join the page inside. He turned without hesitation to follow. His future was there waiting and he could nothing but face it as it came.

The room was long the wood beams crossing each other in a spectacular inverted “v” above him, drawing him further into the room where the council waited high above him. They sat there watching him silently, gazing down their noses at him more forcefully than ever before.

“You have surpassed the expectations of your instructors. Your final record is flawless. With one exception, I see that you have applied to Starfleet as well. “It was logical to cultivate multiple options.”

“Logical but unnecessary.” The chief councilman continued to watch Spock with unblinking eyes. “You're hereby accepted to the Vulcan Science Academy. It is truly remarkable, Spock, that you have achieved so much, despite your disadvantage. All rise!”

Spock felt a cold rage rising out of the sandstorm of emotions in him. He had stood here for years listening to them degrading his Mother as if their words did not go against the very core of IDIC. “If you would clarify, Minister. To what disadvantage are you referring?”

“Your Human mother.”

Even knowing the ministers answer before the man spoke it aloud didn’t stop Spock from raging on his Mother’s behalf. If he remained here he would be facing a future where he was constantly belittled, where his Mother would be mentioned in the most emotionally insulting of ways. He looked over to his Father who stood side by side to the very man who had spoken the words and saw no response. His Father was as calm as ever not even protesting the dishonor being shown his wife when she was not there to defend herself.

“Council, Ministers, I must decline.” His voice was clear and crisp as it echoed through the suddenly silent chamber.

“No Vulcan has ever declined admission to this academy.”

“Then, as I am half-human, your record remains untarnished.”

His Father looked at him and still Spock found himself unable to read the man who had raised him. “Spock. You have made a commitment to honor the Vulcan way.”

The minister spoke before Spock could even reply, his words holding the tiniest edge of irritation. “Why did you come before this council today? Was it to satisfy your emotional need to rebel?”

“The only emotion I wish to convey is gratitude.” Their words had made his choice far easy to accept than he had ever contemplated. “Thank you, Ministers, for your consideration. Live long and prosper,” the traditional words echoed in the hall like the most vulgar of curse words.

 

 

  


* * *

  
  
**Chapter 8**

 

* * *

  
  
**Day 37; 0930 VST, Planet Vulcan, VSA**  
  
Spock raised his hand in the ta’al, dipping his head slightly towards his instructor. Although he would not be attending the Vulcan Science Academy and was sure the Starfleet Academy was the correct path for himself, he was aware that he would be turning down the opportunity to work with a brilliant scientist, one who had never scorned Spock for his Mother’s blood.

“I see the council has made the correct decision to decline you admission to the Vulcan Science Academy.”

Spock turned to face Stonn, who stood watching Spock with the same haughty expression he had since they first met as children. T’Pring stood at his side, her face as devoid of emotion as ever. She was a perfect representation of the Vulcan people, cold and emotionless as every other species in the universe believed. Spock disliked her but he did not hate her. While she would choose to be bonded to the man who had made it his life’s goal to prove Spock a lesser being, T’Pring had never once said anything against him. She had never tried to emotionally provoke him as their classmates had, but neither did she defend him.

“You are incorrect. The council accepted me into the Vulcan Science Academy.”

Stonn raised one eyebrow and came as close to sneering as a Vulcan would allow themselves. “Yet you are here removing your belongings from the Academy.”

“It would be illogical to leave the items here when I will be needing them elsewhere.”

“Yet you stated you are attending the Vulcan Science Academy.”

“I did not.” Spock arched an eyebrow at Stonn. “I stated that I was accepted, not that I accepted.”

“You declined to attend?” For the first time since they had met Spock caught the flicker of emotion in his ko-kugalsu’s voice.

“It is true.” Spock turned to face T’Pring, ignoring Stonn. “I declined the Council’s acceptance. It has been proven beyond question that Starfleet can offer the better future for me than the Vulcan Science Academy can.”

“Indeed,” the word was soft rather than the crisp sound that T’Pring normally spoke in. Spock was unsure what could have caused the change in tone, but he did not dislike the change. “I would speak with you.”

“That would be acceptable.”

“It is not.” Stonn grabbed T’Pring’s arm, gently pulling her behind him.

“She is not your ko-kugalsu, Stonn.”

“Neither is she yours.”

Spock’s eyebrow rose but he did not answer. Instead he waited to see what Stonn would do.

“Spock is correct,” T’Pring shook her arm lightly from Stonn’s grasp. “I am not your ko-kugalsu. I may speak with Spock at my choosing. When I have finished I may seek you out.” T’Pring nodded towards the hall leading out to the central courtyard and walked away from the two men, knowing Spock would follow her and that Stonn would remain behind as she had requested.

The two remained in the hallway watching her leave before turning to face each other again.

“If you leave I shall not allow you to keep her. I will claim her as my own.”

“If she would have you then I shall not stop you.”

“Do you have no interest in her, tekerik?”

“You should watch yourself, Stonn. You would not want others to see your emotional need to prove yourself superior to me in an illogical quest increase your self respect.” With that said Spock turned to follow T’Pring’s path to the courtyard. He did not look back to where Stonn remained, his hands clenched in olive colored fists at his side.

The courtyard that was at the center of the student lab center of the VSA building was more of a small lap-bah-ker than a true courtyard. There were red stone paths weaving through the rare, lush desert grass that grew here only due to the small aquifer feeding the garden. In between the paths were flowering plants and herbs for healing along with small succulent trees like the tir-nuk. It was a peaceful spot, ideal for meditation in between ones classes. T’Pring stood by a stone bench beneath one of the larger tir-nuk trees, it’s pale yellow blossoms drifting down into her hair on the breeze. As he approached he mused on the esthetic beauty of his once ko-kugalsu. She was as beautiful as any woman of any species he had ever seen, but in his eyes she could not equal his k’diwa’s beauty. Jim’s soul radiated its beauty past his physical features, filling the world around her in warmth and light.

“You have taken another as your consort.” She watched him, her eyes sharp but not with the scorn and censure he had expected.

“You have made it know that you would have Stonn, it was only logical to find another who would make a more suitable mate.”

T’Pring nodded. “That is so. I shall inform my parents that our bond will be dissolved before you leave Vulcan.”

“They shall be…fascinated by the turn of events.” Spock quirked an eyebrow at T’Pring curious if she would take the bate and reveal more.

“They shall see the logic in our bond being dissolved so that I may be bonded to Stonn. The dissolution of our bond is the logical choice.”

"I see no logic in preferring Stonn over me."

“You have become much known among our people Spock, almost alegend. I felt the bond that you have formed and knew that it shall only make you a true legend in the memory of our people. I thought of that bond and what the years ahead would be and as the days went by, I came to know that I did not want to be the consort of a legend. But by the laws of our people I can only divorce you by the Kalifee."

Spock looked away from T’Pring, up into the red sky and the branches of the tir-nuk covered in its dainty yellow blossoms. “It shall be arranged.”  
   
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *

 **Day 92; 10:45 am, Kirk Family Farm**  
   
Scott had been outside working on the house for most of the day. Jim had tried to go out and help him, but at nearly five months pregnant, his already growing belly was making it more and more difficult to do so. His back ached all the time, he had to pee almost every five minutes, and he found himself overwhelmingly exhausted for most of the day. Of course these were only the newest symptoms. He still had weird food cravings and some horrendous morning sickness. It was a straight up pain in his ass, but he wouldn’t give up his little baby for anything.

There were rare moments when the aches in his body finally piled up enough for him to briefly wish he hadn’t gotten pregnant, but then the guilt would hit him for even thinking it and he would be depressed and miserable for days. Scott, Mr. Freedman and Dr’s Phlox and O’Neill had been great at these times. Each of them had found some way to lighten Jim’s mood out of the dark thoughts.

Jim had also found himself very happy with the elderly Denobulan as a person, and budding friend as well. The man was surprisingly kind and a fount of strange stories that never ceased to amuse Jim. Plus, Jim had found him easy to talk to. Enough so that he brought up his concerns about how easy it had been to recognize himself as a “she” and then the occasional moments where he still caught himself thinking about himself in terms of being female. It was a conversation that spanned days and covered every concern Jim didn’t realize he had. Scott had also been talking with the doctor when he was in town to check on Jim, and Jim was of the opinion that Scott was having issues with the genderswap as well…or maybe he was disturbed about Jim being pregnant? Jim wasn’t certain and he was secretly afraid that it was the latter.

Jim didn’t know what to think. So in true Jim fashion he had run full tilt into the problem only to be told that he was worrying about nothing. That was irritating, but at least now Scott talked to him about his own time as a girl. It was bringing them closer together as well and Jim found himself spending a lot of time with Scott. Their friendship was growing deeper by the day and Jim was finding himself so relaxed and happy it was amazing. Even when he was depressed he was still happier than he had been since Spock’s brief visit.

With so much time on his hands, Dr. Phlox had suggested Jim begin his college courses online so that once when he was ready he could get a good job to help with the income to fix the house and raise his child. Jim had been thinking about it as well. There were several good colleges that had some good programs that could be partially completed online. And at least five of those were degrees and classes that could be transferred over to Starfleet classes as well. He was trying to narrow down the one or two degrees he wanted but there were so many things that sparked his interest. Maybe it would be a good idea to try a dual major? Or maybe a minor in one of the choices?

He knew he wanted to at least go with a computer science or a computer programming course. Not that it would teach him more than what he already knew, but maybe he could test out of most of the classes and just do the advanced level course and get a major in it in one year rather than four or more. A minor in xenolinguistics could work, that would at least allow him to learn Vulcan. Of course if he did that he should try to learn a couple other languages as well. Maybe Orion, Andorian and Klingon. He could even get Dr. Phlox to teach him Denobulan. It would be kinda nice to be able to talk with Spock and Dr. Phlox in their own languages.

“Good morning, Jim. How are your symptoms today?”

Jim turned to look away from the front yard and over to the elderly Denobulan standing beside the porch swing. He had arrived back in Riverside the day before after having gone to a medical conference on the Space Station orbiting Earth. He didn’t look tired at all and Jim often wondered if the man even slept, it always seemed like he was awake no matter what time of day or night Jim saw him. It was a little weird, but then as far as Jim knew Denobulan’s didn’t need as much rest as a Human.

“I’m bored outta my mind, Doc. Scott won’t let me do anything but sit here and sip lemonade.”

Dr. Phlox gave Jim a wide smile his eyes twinkling in that way that let Jim know the good doctor knew something that Jim didn’t. “Scott is a fine young man. He merely worries about you and the child you carry.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Jim crossed his arms over his tender chest and pouted. “I’m still bored though.”

Dr. Phlox moved to take the empty spot next to Jim on the porch swing. “Have you thought further on your studies?”

Jim sighed. “I haven’t decided yet. There are a couple programs I am looking at and I’m not sure which one to do.” Jim leaned his head back against the back of the swing and closed his eyes. “The best programs are all design to work into the Starfleet courses and honestly I don’t know how I could do a career in Starfleet with a child.”

For a long moment the two simply sat quietly on the swing, watching Scott moving up and down the ladder as the went about fixing the bad spot on the siding and the on the roof. The day was warm and the breeze was nearly non-existent, but the wide blue line of the sky touching the long golden line of the earth was still a peaceful sight.

“Have you spoken with Paul? He may be able to offer you a solution to your worries that you had not yet considered.”

“I can’t expect him to watch my child for me, Doc. He’s already doing more than he should for me.”  
   
“Should that not be something up to Paul? If it makes him happy to help you, is it really a chore?” Dr. Phlox looked back at Jim. “There are many people here who care deeply for you, Jim and would like to help you in any way that you will allow them to.”

Jim didn’t really want to go down this road today. It was a hard thing to believe, that someone would care for him that way when even his own family didn’t. He was even starting to second guess Spock. He had written to the Vulcan several times now, sending the letters through the Vulcan consulate in San Francisco as Sarek had told him to, but Spock never replied. Jim was starting to fear that maybe Spock hadn’t really loved him as much as he thought and that now that he was away from Jim he was realizing what a mistake he had made. Especially since Jim had finally written about the baby he was carrying. They were both so young for this and Jim couldn’t really blame or hate the Vulcan if Jim’s pregnancy scared him off. Jim knew if a girl had come to him and said that she was pregnant with his child he would freak the fuck out.

“Would you teach me Denobulan, Doc?”

“I would be glad to, Jim. We can start now if it would please you.”

Jim nodded and looked towards the side yard where Kalilia and Amin were playing tug with a scrap of rope. The female saluki was starting to round out as Jim was from her currently growing litter. She had less than a month until she should be ready to give birth. There had already been requests from other breeders and show dog owners forwarded from the Freeman’s house to Jim’s since they were staying with him. There were in fact more people asking for the puppies than there were going to be puppies. Mr. Freedman said there were likely four or five puppies. Jim was actually kind of excited to see them. He rather liked dogs and having some puppies running around the house would be nice. There was a feral barn cat that lived on the property but Jim seldom saw the Tom as it did it’s very best to only be out and about when Jim wasn’t. Not exactly the type of animal you could sit around and pet, not if you wanted to keep your hand anyway.

“We shall start with the basic rules of sentence structure and then move onto the alphabet…”  
   
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
**1:20 pm, Kirk Family Farm**  
   
It was fairly rare anymore that a postman with actual paper mail would come by. In fact it had been almost four years ago that one had been by. It had been the first time Jim had actually had any paper mail of his own and he had been so excited at the time. It had been a punishment of Frank’s for driving the car off the cliff to send him to Tarsus IV but when Jim had held that thick paper envelope in his hands it had been like the universe was finally opening up for him. Now paper mail just left a sour bile in his mouth. He didn’t know what the mail would be for or for whom it was being sent but Jim knew it would lead to nothing but grief and pain.

The old white mail car pulled up next to Mr. Freedman’s truck and a young man of maybe 23 or 24 years stepped out. His brown hair was cut short and combed back, his white dress shirt and gray slacks were neatly pressed and his hazel eyes were sharp as they locked on Jim where he was sitting on the swing. He approached slowly his gaze sliding over to Kalilia who was laying with her head on Jim’s lap. The dog was watching the mailman with the same intense look, her lips pulling back to show sharp white teeth as the man stepped onto the porch next to Jim.

“I have a letter for Scott Freedman. You him?”

“No. He went into town ‘bout an hour ago.”

The mailman looked down at the legal-sized yellow envelope and his PADD. “Well, I’ll need you to sign this for him then.”

“Fine.” Jim reached out for the PADD and quickly jotted down his signature.

The mailman dropped the envelop in Jim’s hands, shot another glance at Kalilia and then nearly sprinted to his mail car. Jim watched him leave before glancing back down at the envelope. His hands clenched the edges, crinkling the thick paper.

“What do you have there?”

Jim couldn’t look away from the envelope. The address in the upper corner stood out in bold blue against the yellow of the envelope.

“Jim?” Dr. Phlox carefully reached out and set one hand on Jim’s shoulder before leaning down to look at the envelope. “Ah. So it finally arrived.”  
   
Jim’s head snapped up to look into the Denobulan’s face. A soft smile was resting on the doctor’s face, in place of his usually over large smile. “You knew?”

“Scott asked me if I would give him a recommendation. Not that he had need of it. He is an intelligent boy and Starfleet would do quite well by taking him.”

“You. Knew.”

“Jim,” Dr. Phlox turned Jim to face towards him. “Scott is an intelligent young man and there is unfortunately not much that he can do here in Riverside that will keep him active and happy. Starfleet will be able to offer him a multitude of opportunities in any field that he could wish to pursue.”

Jim swallowed thickly and looked back down at the envelope. “He’ll leave too.”

“I understand that it will be quite a change to have him leave after he has spent so much time with you, but you must understand that he is not leaving you. He is simply moving onto his future. When you are ready you will be able to move forward to join him should you choose to.” Dr. Phlox gave Jim a warm smile. “I am sure that he would be quite pleased were you to join him in space one day.”

“I can’t. How could I go into space with my baby? I can’t give the little guy up and I can’t leave him behind.”

“Starfleet has provision for families. I am sure that you could request a posting where your child would be allowed to go with you. Perhaps even onto one of the larger starships like the one being built near here. It is being designed to accommodate a small number of crew with families.”

“Maybe, But I still don’t see how it could work.”

“Perhaps, it would be best to give it time. First you need to decide on your course of study. Starfleet is still a way off for you in any case.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, if that is settled perhaps we should head inside. Dr. O’Neill will be here shortly so that we may proceed with your next check-up. If you would like we should be able to determine the child’s gender today.”

“We can?”

“Yes, you are far enough along now that we should get a fairly accurate view of the baby for a visual comparison of gender, but we shall also be able to scan for a DNA profile for the child now as well.”

Jim swallowed, his throat suddenly thick. He would be able to see his baby, to see an image of the life that was growing inside him, the physical reminder of the first person who ever showed the slightest affection to Jim. That was awesome!

Jim gave the doctor a wide smile. “I think I’d like that.”

Dr. Phlox patted Jim on the shoulder and led him back inside. “Good, good. You should go change into the little gown and then come back down here that way you’ll be ready to start once she arrives.”“Honey, I’m home!”

Jim and Dr. Phlox turned away from the stairwell to look at the open front door where Scott stood carefully balancing several bags of groceries as he tried to kick the door shut. Scott shot Jim a wide smile, filled to near overflowing with warmth and affection.

“You’ve got mail,” Jim held up the envelope still clutched tightly in his hand.

Scott caught sight of the Starfleet embalm on the front and his smile drooped. “I meant to tell you, Jim.”

Jim knew his smile was weak, faltering, strained as it hadn’t been since Tarsus IV. “It’s no biggie. I’m happy for you.”

“Jim-“

“I need to change. Dr. O’Neill will be here soon for my latest appointment.” Jim turned and quickly headed up the stairs. He wasn’t running away. No. It was just a tactical retreat.

“Shit.” Scott slumped, nearly dropping the bags full of groceries. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“He knows that, my boy.” Dr. Phlox carefully took some of the bags from Scott’s hands and led him back into the kitchen. “Give him time and you shall see that he is truly quite proud of you.”

“If you say so.” Scott gave the Denobulan a skeptical look. “But Jim can hold a grudge for a long time when he wants and I don’t want to leave while he’s mad at me. Especially not when he needs all the support he can get.”

Dr. Phlox set the bags in his hands down upon the counter and began to carefully unpack them. “He is more upset than he would have you believe. But it is not you he is angry with but himself. He wants to go with you, to reach out and be a part of the stars again but for now he is trapped here upon the Earth. I think that once he begins working towards a new degree that he shall find his mind focused on something other than his unusual and unexpected pregnancy and that his closet friend is leaving him behind.”

Scott dropped into the chair at he kitchen table rested his face in the palms of his hands. He hated this. He hated that Jim was being denied a future that Scott knew Jim would excel at because of some freaky accident and a momentary lapse in judgment. He wanted Jim to be happy.

“He shall come around, Scott.” Dr. Phlox reached back into the bag and turned to Scott and smiled. “Apple?”  
   
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *

  
**Day 105; 1:44 pm, Riverside, Starfleet Shuttle Yard**  
  
September in Iowa was chilly this year, even more so than normal. The leaves on the trees had started to fall and had turned colors early and the wind was a near constant presence, whistling through the trees. Jim usually liked this time of year when the world seemed to be falling into a gentle sleep to wait out winter, but right now it seemed to merely irritate him. His body had become far more sensitive to cold than ever before and he found himself having to bundle up in multiple layers of clothing and heavy sweaters any time he stepped out his front door. Dr. Phlox had told him it was to be expected since his baby seemed to have primarily Vulcan genetics. Still didn’t mean Jim liked it.

Mr. Freedman, Scott, Dr. Phlox and Jim had all left the house after the morning chores had been done and lunch eaten. Today was meant to be a special day. Jim knew he should be excited to be heading out to the construction yard named after his Father, but he just felt empty and warn out. Dr. Phlox was leaving again and likely wouldn’t be back for another month and Scott was leaving now as well. God only knew when Jim would see him again. Jim didn’t like it. He liked having his house full of laughing, happy people that smiled at him and slapped his shoulders or ruffled his hair. It was like he had a real family for the first time, more so than even when Spock and his family had been there. While Sarek, Amanda and Spock had only been there for a couple of days, Scott and his Father had practically moved in over the last couple months. They had truly become a family to Jim.

“So,” Scott leaned into the cab of the truck from the truck bed through the back window. “How much longer until we arrive? I think Dr. Phlox here is turning into a popsicle.”

Mr. Freedman chuckled and turned a gaze to Jim, rolling his eyes. “It should only be another ten minutes, Scott. Now sit down.”

Scott stuck his tongue out at this Father and shot Jim a wide smile and a wink before pulling himself back into the truck bed and closing the window. Jim couldn’t help but smile at their antics though. A part of him was surprised that he didn’t feel jealous at the obviously close relationship between Father and Son, but then he realized that he didn’t feel jealous because the two made him feel like he was a part of their family. They never left him out of any of the joking or conversations that naturally arose between them. They welcomed Jim.

Jim’s smiled widened and he had to turn to look out the side window in order to keep Mr. Freedman from seeing the blush that was consuming his face.

Jim tried to ignore the way Mr. Freedman's eyes lit up with laughter as he spotted the red flush covering Jim's face. He knew the man didn't mean it in a hurtful way, just as a sign that he was amused and delighted that Jim felt something positive enough to blush about. And well, if it involved Scott, Mr. Freedman obviously found that even more amusing.

Jim gave Mr. Freedman a weak smile and blushed even further as the man reached over to pat Jim on the head. "We'll be there shortly. You should be able to see it off in the distance."

Jim turned to look back out the window and sure enough there in the distance was the large looming shape of Starfleet's newest starship. It still wasn't complete but the bones of her were already there, reaching up into the sky as if the ship couldn't wait to be released from her shackles and soaring into space.

"It's going to be huge," the words came out whisper soft and full of awe.

Mr. Freedman chuckled. "The largest Constellation Class ship to date. It will have all the bells and whistles Starfleet can come up with by the time it's done."

"No doubt." Jim shook his head, one hand inching down to cup the swell of his belly. "It's going to take them years…"

"Scott is hoping to get assigned to her once he graduates the Academy. He's been in love with the damn ship since he laid eyes on her."

A wide smile stretched across Jim's face as he watched the hulking mass of the starship and the construction yard get closer. "That sounds like Scott."

"True. It isn't likely to happen though. It'll take longer than Scott will be a cadet to get that ship done. But if he does good at his first posting his Captain could give him a recommendation to be assigned to her."

Jim found it strangely hard to look away from the ship. It was like a siren of myth calling out to him. But he couldn't tell if it would lead him to death or to the love it seemed to be promising. "What do they call her?"

"Enterprise. Like the old Navy vessel and Admiral Archer's ship. She's going to have a lot to live up to."

A sudden muffled shout and a bang from the roof had Jim's turning to face the back of the truck. In the window he could see the red of Scott's cadet uniform and a stretch of chocolate colored skin. Jim smiled and rolled his eyes at Dr. Phlox, who smiled widely at him through the window. Scott must have seen the ship as well and stood up to get a better view, his fists smacking the roof in his excitement.

Jim felt a little bad that the kindly old Denobulan was stuck in the back of the truck where the wind and bumpy dirt roads, were likely making the journey to the construction yard unpleasant. He had tried to argue that he should sit in the back instead but all three of the other men had ganged up on him until he had simply sighed and given in to their instance.  Pulling the "It's not good for the baby" card was going to get old really fast.

By the time Jim turned back to face the front window they were turning onto a wide paved road leading to the entry gate for the yard. There was a long stretch of metal fencing going out as far as Jim could see into either direction from the gate, just reinforcing how massive the construction yard and the ship it was building was. In front of them at the end of the drive was a small stone gatehouse, the Red Shirt manning it already leaning out his window to watch them pull up. The Red Shirt was obviously not human, he-she-it's skin being a rich warm ocher color with scarification patterns rising out in a strangely exotic beauty. The guard's eyes almost seemed to glow as they got closer. Still, even when they pulled up to the guard's window and were looking directly at he-she-it, Jim found it impossible to tell what gender the guard was. He had never actually met an alien of whatever race this fellow was. It was pretty exciting!

"Name please," asked the guard.

"Dr. Paul Freedman, James T. Kirk," here Mr. Freedman gave a quick tilt of his head in Jim's direction before pointing towards the back. "In the back is my son Scott Freedman, a Starfleet cadet, and Dr. Phlox."

The guard leaned out the window to catch a glimpse of the two in back before nodding. "We were expecting Dr. Phlox and Cadet Freedman."

Although it was not a question, Jim knew the guard was asking one. The 'What are the two of you doing here,' hung in the air between them.

"Jim is a patient of mine and is good friends with Cadet Freedman. His Father, Dr. Freedman was kind enough to give me a ride out here to catch the shuttle."

Dr. Phlox gave the guard a smile. "There should be a note of that in the records. I spoke with Lt. M'Vurr about the matter a couple days ago."

The guard nodded and moved back into the guardhouse, flicking open the terminal there and scanning through the comma records. "Ok, they're good to go. Stay on the main path and take a left at the intersection ahead, it'll take you to the check-in station for the shuttle to San Francisco. Have a good day."

The gate in front gave a metallic clang and began to slide open, allowing the truck to pass through. Jim was a bit surprised it had been that easy, honestly. He had thought the security would be much tighter, but then he supposed Dr. Phlox had friends in high enough places to make giving Jim and Mr. Freedman access to the yard a minor issue.

The rest of the short drive was silent, all of them watching the Starfleet personnel going abbot their business. It was all pretty mundane really. A bit of a let-down, in comparison to what Jim had expected to see. Still, Jim was glad to have been able to get out of the house and to see Scott off to the Academy. He couldn't help but think of how much quieter it was going to be on the farm with just him and Mr. Freedman there. Especially since Mr. Freedman would need to be in town or out on other farms checking up on the animals. Logically he knew that it wouldn't be any quieter than before all of this had started with the arrival of his Vulcan quests, but it still felt different. Like he was losing something important.

The truck slowed to a stop next to another stone and metal building. It was larger than the guardhouse but only about the size of his library back on the farm. There was a large window on the front and Jim could see a large counter inside where another Starfleet Red Shirt was sitting next to a young woman in Command Gold. They were both human this time. The Red Shirt male looking to be of west Asian decent, probably from India or another nearby country, Jim couldn't be sure. The woman was harder to define. She looked like most people born on the North American continent...a mutt. There were signs of European ancestry, and hints of Native American Indian ancestry as well, perhaps even a little Asia based on the almond shape of her eyes.

The woman glanced up and raised an eyebrow at him as she caught him staring. Jim quickly looked away, feeling like a kid caught stealing a cookie before dinner.

Scott had already hopped out the back and made his way to Jim's side of the truck, pulling open the door and reaching in to help him out of the cab. Mr. Freedman was at the back giving Dr. Phlox a hand down before putting the back end up and securing it. Jim gladly took Scott's hand as he shifted his newly growing girth out of the truck to watch as the other three men went about unloading the few bags from the back. There wasn't much so it didn't take more than a couple minutes to get everything done and set aside by the door where a stack of other luggage was waiting. Scott and Dr. Phlox quickly vanished inside the building, checking in with the two Officers inside. PADDs were exchanged and e-signatures scrawled across them as they went about getting everything set up and checked in.

Jim leaned back against the truck and rolled his shoulders, trying to work out the kink that was growing. He had been finding more and more aches and pains popping up all along his shoulders and especially in his lower back as the baby continued to grow. It made for a great deal of discomfort that never fully went away no matter how many back rubs he got from Scott or Dr's Phlox and O'Neill. Dr. O'Neill had smiled sadly at him and told him that the pain was likely to remain for the entirety of his pregnancy and would likely only get worse as he got heavier. His body was simply not built for carry a child. Dr. Phlox…well, Dr. Phlox just looked excited by the whole process and all the painful complications.

Scott and Dr. Phlox returned from the building in good time and before Jim knew it they were talking the short walk around the building to where the shuttlecraft was waiting to take them on to San Francisco. The shuttlecraft wasn’t very large, probably room for all of ten passengers. The shuttlecraft was still in good shape, the paint on it’s sides designating it Starfleet property looked freshly applied, even. The hatch was open and a man in a black Starfleet uniform was standing by the entrance talking with another cadet in bright red.

The four of them stopped about five feet away from the other cadet and the black-suited Starfleet officer. Mr. freedman pulled his son to him, wrapping his arms around Scott in a tight hug. It was the type of hug Sam had always called a bear hug. Watching Mr. Freedman embrace his son in such a hug left a strange feeling stirring in Jim’s gut, his heart aching. He mentally shook it off and pushed away the troubling emotions until they were buried away with all the others.

Mr. Freedman smiled again and clasped his hand on Scott’s shoulder. “I am proud of you, Son. You give Starfleet all you’ve got and don’t forget to give us a call in between classes.”

“Not between every class, surely.”

“No,” Mr. Freedman smiled and pulled Scott to him again. “Just try for at least once a week, okay.”

“Yeah, Dad. Once a week.” Scott gave his father one last tight hug before pulling away and turning to face Jim. “Try not to get into too much trouble, eh, Sunshine.”

“Who me,” Jim smiled and looked to the ground. He was happy for Scott, really, but it still hurt that he was leaving. “Try to come see us soon, okay. The baby will want to see its Godfather before he becomes a famous Starfleet Captain.”

Scott’s face lit up like the fourth of July. “Godfather? Really?”

Jim nodded and glanced back up at Scott. With a whooping cry, Scott wrapped Jim in a tight hug, practically lifting him up off his feet. Jim made a startled noise and clung tightly to Scott as they twirled around.

“Please, Scott, I puke enough as it is,” said Jim as he was carefully set on the ground.

“Hey, I’m entitled to a little excess. It’s not every day I get named a Godfather.” Scott pulled Jim in for another hug and as he pulled back he left a soft kiss on Jim’s forehead. “You listen to the Docs and stay safe. I want to hold that baby when I get back.”

“Okay.”

Scott placed his hand on Jim’s stomach where the baby was growing. Another soft smile stretched across his face. “I’ll be back for a visit soon.”

“Stay safe, Scott.”

Scott leaned down to place another kiss against Jim’s forehead back he moved to join the other cadet’s on the shuttlecraft. Dr. Phlox gave Jim and Mr. Freedman a quick nod and followed Scott onboard. He would be back in a couple weeks, so goodbyes were unneeded.

Mr. Freedman and Jim remained near the shuttle for another ten minutes before the last passenger was loaded and the doors closed. Its lift off was near silent in the bustle and chaos of the construction yard, but Jim found he couldn’t hear anything but the soft whooshing as it cut through the breeze.

“We should start back.” Mr. Freedman placed his hand on Jim’s shoulder and gently guided him back towards the truck. “We can stop in town and get some fresh produce from the farmer’s market. Maybe get a little ice cream?”

“Yeah, okay.”  
   
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
 

 **Day 105; 3:20 pm, Riverside, Farmer’s Market**  
   
The Farmer’s market was held partially in the parking lot for the bank and partially into the small park. Stalls were packed tightly in the available space, the tops covered by durable outdoor fabric to prevent the wind and rain from freezing the local farmers and craftspeople. There was every type of Earth produce, and some alien produce that you could grow in the ground or in a hothouse, on display. There were also many stalls filled with various crafts. Everything from honey to hand-stitched quilts was on sale.

Jim wondered through the market with Mr. Freedman, picking up a couple cartons of old-fashioned churned butter, several containers of Mrs. Everson’s freezer jam, and several packages of fresh garden vegetables that he was unable to grow on his own. The spent another few minutes in line at the Froz Cone stall to get some old fashioned ice cream cones. It was really a bit too cold for them but most people couldn’t resist the treat anytime the stall was open at the market. Like most of the food sold it was all locally produced and done the old fashioned way. Jim knew for a fact that was true as he had spent last summer helping to make the ice cream for the summer market and county fair.

“Jim, dear,” Mrs. Donnafrio smiled at him as Mr. Freedman and him made it to the front of the line. “How are you feeling today?”

“Not bad, Mrs. Donnafrio.” Mrs. Donnafrio was completely opposite her husband. While he was stern and tall, built like a beanpole, she was short and round and just bubbling over with happiness. It always threw him a little that she had married his stern anthropology teacher.

“Now, Jim,” she wagged her finger at him and gave him a mock stern face, “I thought I told you to call me Anne.”

“Okay, jeez. I am doing okay, Anne.”

“The morning sickness isn’t causing you any trouble then? Good, I always hated that part of being pregnant. Well, that and the constant need to pee.”

Jim groaned into his hands. “How do you know?”

“That you’re pregnant?” Anne smiled and reached across the counter of the booth to place her hand on his shoulder. “Dear I have been pregnant and I have seen enough pregnant women, even a few aliens, to recognize that glow you have.”

Jim groaned again and Mr. Freedman just chuckled, laying his hand on Jim’s other shoulder and sharing a wink with Anne. “Now, calm down son, you know Anne is just teasing you. You aren’t glowing that much.”

Jim growled and mock swatted at Mr. Freedman, who simply chuckled and side-stepped. “That’s not the point! God…How many people know?”

“Jim, dear, this is a small town.”

“Oh God,” Jim suddenly felt faint. All the leering faces and whispered conversation between the people at the market suddenly made sense. “They all know!”

Mr. Freedman quickly grabbed Jim by the elbow and led Jim to the space behind the Froz Cone stall, where a small table and a couple chairs had been set up for the workers. Anne grabbed to small bowls of strawberry ice cream and ushered Patti Franks to the front of the stall before joining them at the little table. She set the plastic bowls on the table before Jim and Mr. Freedman and then sat down. Her face was calm and steady and Jim was suddenly reminded of her husband.

“You have no reason to be ashamed. That baby growing inside you…that is a God given miracle. Do you have any idea how many gay men out there would love to be able to carry a child, their child. You have been given a great gift, do not shrink from it or the narrow minded view of anyone stupid enough to give you grief over it.”

Jim glanced up from the tabletop. Anne was watching him like a hawk, her eyes piercing him to his core. Mr. Freedman was nodding as well, his eyes and whole demeanor just as serious.

“You want that baby, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then that is all that matters. No one else’s opinion of this baby matters but yours.”

Jim gave a week smile and let his hands cup his growing belly. “Thanks.”

Anne nodded and pushed the bowl of ice cream towards him again. “Now you eat that up. It’s on the house.”

“But-“

“Don’t argue, Jim, you know you’ll lose,” interrupted Mr. Freedman.

Jim gave another gusty sigh and pulled the little plastic bowl to him. The pink ice cream was dotted with large chunks of fresh strawberries and had already started to melt just a bit. “Fine.”

Anne gave him another smile and a pat on the shoulder before changing the topic to the ultrasound pictures and baby cloths.

  
*~*~*  
 

  
A few feet away from where the three sat talking about the baby and all the things Jim would need, a man hovered in the shadows, eyes narrowed. He had only come back because his brother had forced him to leave, told him that he needed to get a job and bring in an income if he was going to remain any longer. Frank hated that. Hated the smarmy sound of his brother’s voice when he talked to him. He sounded just like Jim whenever he opened his mouth, all stuck up like he knew everything. He couldn’t stand it!

So he had grabbed his stuff, tossed it in his car and headed back to Riverside to crash at his drinking buddies place until he could find another place he could stay long term or until he could find some job that wouldn’t require him to do much.

Instead of finding a job though, he found his ex-stepson. His ex-stepson that was sitting at that small stinking table eating ice cream with that fat pig of a woman and the black mutt. His ex-stepson who was looking to have gotten fat in Frank’s brief time away. Kid must have sucked up something good to get enough food to get that kind of belly in such a short time.

Frank’s eyes narrowed further as he watched the way the black mutt touched, Jim. _‘Well,’_ he thought, _‘Looks like I know what he was a suckin’ on. Always knew he was a lil’ whore.’_

Frank remained in the shadows for near twenty minutes watching them, cataloging each touch, each smile and every whispered word. Still he could not hear but then, as they stood he realized he wouldn’t have to hear them. The way that little fag placed his hand against the swell of his belly…Shit, he knew that brat had been taking it up the ass from someone, now it appeared he had taken it up the vag as well. _‘Maybe I shoulda’ stayed. Could have fucked the freak until he cried an’ begged me ta stop.’_

The black mutt stood and placed his hand at Jim’s back, guiding the little whore through the crowd and out of the market.  
   
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  
 

 **Day 105; 6:38 pm, Kirk Family Farm**  
   
It seemed like it had been days, weeks even since he had last been inside his own home, but really it had only half a day. It just seemed like everything that happened today was a heavy weight that just kept getting heavier, dragging him down. He felt heavy, both physically and emotionally. He was really ready for the day to be over so he could just fall in his bed, snuggle up to Spock’s pillow (not that it smelled like Spock anymore), listen to the music playlist he was building for his precious little one and go to bed.

Mr. Freedman was talking again, calling out to Amin and Kalilia, who didn’t seem to be nearby, but Jim wasn’t really paying attention. His full attention was focused inward. There was so much going on right now and there were still so many things he wanted to happen that weren’t. Like Spock. God, he wanted to hear from Spock, but he had damn near given up hope that his Vulcan lover would write or even comm him back. It had been months and he had sent dozens of letters now. Letters about the baby, about how he missed Spock with every fiber of his being. Letters about how Jim had lied, how he had led Spock on into believing he was always a girl. Letters pleading for Spock to write back, even if only to condemn him. Sometimes he was sure he really was a girl as pathetically lovesick and moody as he was. He was like one of those pathetic chicks in a romcom, but unlike them he didn’t think he would get his man at the end.

“Damn, Jimmy, you got fat.”

Jim’s head snapped up and his eyes zeroed in on the figure standing in the kitchen doorway. Mr. Freedman had stopped at his side and placed a calming hand on Jim’s back, out of sight of the tall figure.

“Jimmy…” The words were whisper soft and held an edge of some emotion Jim just wasn’t sure he recognized. He knew he should know this man but…there was something familiar about him, but Jim just didn’t recognize him.

“God, Jimmy. Look at you.”

Before Jim knew what was happening he was being pulled into strong wiry arms, pulled tight against the man’s chest as if the man was afraid Jim would bolt away. Which he was planning to do in all honesty. Before he could bolt the mans hands slide over his shoulders and down his arms to grip his wrist as the man stepped back, looking him over carefully.

“You look so different,” the tone was wistful now. “I suppose I don’t look the same either. It’s been too long…years.” The man swallowed hard and blinked back tears. “I was an idiot, Jimmy. I hope you can forgive me.”

Jim fought the urge to wrap his arms protectively over his stomach and hide behind Mr. Freedman. He was a Kirk. He wasn’t going to cower away in a corner while someone else fought for him. He wasn’t his Mother.

Taking a deep breath he took a moment to really look at the young man clutching him like a precious baby bird moments away from flying off. “Sam…”

The smile his big brother gave him looked both hopeful and broken. It was a smile Jim had begun to see on his face whenever he looked at the picture of Spock sitting on his desk. Jim didn’t know if he could forgive Sam for leaving him, but he also didn’t know if he would have the heart not to. They had both been kids and kids made mistakes. It just seemed that most of the mistakes made had a negative reaction for Jim. Without Sam to protect him, Frank had been free to do whatever he wanted to Jim. He no longer had a filter forced on him to keep the insults and abuse to a minimum.

Sam’s blue eyes had taken on a hint of grey, reminding Jim of the pictures of stormy seas in some of the books in the library. His hair was still that same rich brown but was now cropped short, almost like it had been buzz-cut short and was just beginning to grow back in. When Sam left he hadn’t even been able to grow facial hair, now he had a beard growing in thick and dark. He looked so very different from the teenager who had run away from home, he looked like an adult, like a stranger. Jim didn’t know his man standing before him. He had know a boy who had been a coward and a liar, but this man…

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, Jimmy. I hope you can but I know I don’t deserve it. I shouldn’t have left you here. Not with Frank.” Sam’s hands dropped to his sides and his head and shoulders drooped. “I fucked up and it hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you Jim.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Sam flinched and seemed to wilt even further. “Why are you here, Sam? Why did you come back now? Why not the year before or two years ago or even after I drove Dad’s car off the cliff,” With each question Jim’s voice grew louder until he was standing in his brother’s face screaming, tears pouring down his face. “Why!”

The tears growing in Sam’s eyes finally broke free and began pouring down his face in thick rivers. “I don’t have an answer for you, Jim. Not one that would make anything better.”

“Get out.”

“Jimmy, please-“

“Don’t call me that!”

“Jim-“

“OUT!” Jim clenched his eyes shut as he screamed blocking out the sight of his brother defeated and hopeless expression.

Sam let out a shaky sigh that sounded suspiciously like a sob and moved past Jim’s shaking form and the pitying expression on Mr. Freeman’s face towards the door. His hand reached out, touching the doorknob and paused. “I know it won’t mean anything to you but I want to do better. I want to be a big brother that I should have been back then, if you’ll let me.” Without looking back Sam opened the door and stepped out, the door making a soft ‘click’ as it closed behind him.

“Why don’t you head up to bed and get a nap, Jim. I’ll start making something for dinner okay.”

“Yeah,” eyes still on the floor Jim turned and headed up the stairs to his room.

Mr. Freedman waited until the sight of Jim’s hunched back vanished at the top of the stairs before sighing. Those Kirk boys could hold a grudge like no bodies business, a definite trait of their Mother’s. Fortunately he knew they also had their Father’s forgiving nature. It may take days, perhaps even years but eventually Sam and Jim would forgive each other for any perceived wrongs.  
  
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  


**Day 107; 9:53 am, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
Aurelan Kirk was many things but patient was not one of them, not when it meant her brief time as a newly wed was being ruined by her husbands inability to grow a pair and talk to his own brother. She understood just how bad things were between the two but honestly! The past was the past and the two needed to stop acting like children and get over it. Yes, their Dad died the day Jim was born, but that didn’t mean his death was Jim’s responsibility. Yes, Sam had been so grief stricken that for years after he had a hard time looking at his brother as Jim grew to look more and more like their dead Father. Yes, both of them had been hurt by their Mother’s inability to stay with them and help them through their shared grief and yes, they had both been abused by the man their Mother had chosen to take on the role of step-Father. Their lives had been horrible but it would also never get better if they spent the rest of it looking backwards.

Mind made up, Aurelan finished putting on her make-up and went to get her husband. Things were going to change. She would make sure of it, come hell or high water.

Throwing open the bathroom door, Aurelan stepped into the main part of their hotel room and glared down her husband. “No more playing around. Get up and get dressed. We have places to be.”  
   
  
* * *

The drive from their hotel in downtown Riverside didn’t take long, which left little time for Sam to try and figure out what to say to Jim. He hadn’t wanted to go back today. He had wanted for Jim to come to him when he was ready. But his wife was a force to be reckoned with when she was all fired up and Sam didn’t have the heart to fight her on this when he so badly wanted to have his little brother back in his life. So here they were driving up the long dirt road to his childhood home.

It looked much the same, he thought. There was a fresh coat of paint and some of the shingles on the roof looked to have been recently replaced, but he could still spot some of the places that Jim and he used to be out constantly fixing up, like the barn in the back that still looked as if it could be blown away by the next storm.

He shouldn’t really be surprised by any of this, he thought while getting out of the car. He was here a couple days ago after all and not that much was going to change in such a short amount of time.

“Don’t just stand there, Sam. I want to meet this brother of yours.”

“Yes, dear.” Sam shook his head to clear away the rising memories.

The two of them made their way up the drive to the front steps. He found that he couldn’t resist running his hands over the old weatherworn railings. The smooth wood occasionally slipping into little rough spots made him smile. This whole house seemed almost a metaphor for Jim’s and his life as children. Silently he hoped that it wasn’t a metaphor for Jimmy’s current life.

Aurelan pulled herself up the stairs to the front door, her stomach swaying as she tried to moved the extra girth that had only gotten bigger in the last few months. Sam couldn’t help but smile. Even large like she was now she still had the glow that had first called to him and now it had an extra glow that made her even more beautiful. In a way it reminded him of Jimmy. His brother had shot up like all growing boys do, but there was something else…something he couldn’t quiet place but knew he should recognize, when he looked at his brother. Oh well, he could worry about it later. Right now he needed to focus on explaining himself to Jimmy and hoping his wife didn’t do something drastic like locking them in a closet together to talk it out.

Sam stepped up to the door where his wife was already knocking. He could hear dogs inside barking and a gentle voice hushing them.

Jim opened the door and stood there looking at Sam before his eyes roamed over to Aurelan. There was a long moment where Aurelan and Jim stood staring at each other until Jim finally glanced down at her stomach. A look of recognition passed over Jim’s face as he looked at Aurelan’s belly.

“How far along are you?”

“Seven months.” Aurelan gave Jim a piercing looking, but a warm smile was beginning to form at the corners of her mouth. “How about you?”

Jim blushed wildly and ushered them in even as he mumbled his reply, “Five months basically.”

Sam stumbled and nearly fell over his own feet. He couldn’t have possibly just heard his little brother say he was five months pregnant!

“That’s lovely,” Aurelan smiled and took Jim’s arm in hers. “Now my little boy will have a cousin to play with!”

Jim’s smile faltered for a moment. “Are the two of you moving to Riverside?” Jim reached down to nervously scratch at Amin’s head.

“For now at least. Starfleet asked for Sam’s assistance on setting up the biology labs on their newest ship.” Aurelan beamed up at Sam, who blushed and rubbed his nose sheepishly. “There have been a couple other offers but we decided that we didn’t want to take an off world posting yet. Not with a baby on the way, and not while there is still unfinished business between the two of you. If something should happen, God forbid, I don’t want one of you dying and leaving the other wondering if they could have done something to patch things up.”

Jim sighed but nodded. He had been thinking a lot since Sam had left the other day. Thinking and getting lectured by Mr. Freedman and Dr. O’Neill, actually and he was beginning to think they and Aurelan were right. This pregnancy was high risk and there was a dangerously high chance that Jim and the baby could die. He didn’t want something to happen where they would be unable to apologize and try to create an actual relationship with each other. He wanted to have his brother be a part of his life, he just didn’t know how to do so.

“Well,” Aurelan stood, “I think I am going to go the bathroom. You two sit and talk.”

The two brothers glanced at each other in silent understanding of the order they had been given. Watching her head to the bathroom, Jim led Sam into the library and sat down on the couch.

“So…” The two blinked and smiled as they realized they had spoken together. Both of them so confused about how to begin that they had matched each other’s thoughts.

Sam ran a hand through his hair, nervously before looking back to Jim. “I really am sorry I was such an insensitive ass. You’re my brother and I never treated you as you deserved to be treated. I just let myself get lost in grief and anger and I ended up taking it out on you.”

“Everyone did.”

“And we shouldn’t have, Jimmy. It was never your fault Dad died and Mom went off the deep end. You were just a baby, an innocent that was unlucky enough to get stuck with us as your family.”

Jim let out a sad chuckle. “I think we are all unlucky in this.”

“Maybe so, but we certainly didn’t make it any easier for you. I can’t keep saying that I was a kid, that isn’t any excuse for not fighting harder to protect you from Frank or for running away when it just got to be too much for me. I could have at least tried to take you with me.”

“Maybe so, but you wouldn’t have gotten far with a second mouth to feed. Let’s be honest about that.” Taking a deep breath Jim reached out to gently squeeze his brother’s hand. “Besides it wasn’t your job to protect me. Mom should have done that.”

“She should have but there is no way she could’ve.”

“What do you mean? Yeah she’s been in space forever, but it wouldn’t be that hard to request a ground posting.”

“You don’t know?”

“Know what, Sam?”

“Mom,” Sam sighed. “Jim she had a lot of problems that she didn’t get counseling for right after Dad died. When she rejoined Starfleet for active duty they had her go through the standard psych evals…she didn’t pass. They found she had a really bad case of PTSD and Postpartum Depression from your birth as well. Without treatment there was no way she could be a fit Mother for either of us. Honestly, I am surprised she made it so many years without someone noticing and contacting the authorities.”

“So what? She still left us! She never calls or writes! I am sure she is out having fun somewhere she can pretend she isn’t a Mom.”

“Jim, you need to understand.” Sam grabbed Jim’s hands, pulling him back down onto the couch. “She is hospitalized. She hasn’t cleared any of her evals yet. The Betazeds and the Vulcan mind healers that work at the Starfleet Sanatorium can’t say she wouldn’t be a danger to herself or others. They won’t release her until she can accept that Dad is dead and that she isn’t still pregnant with you.”

“And that should do what for me? She should have sought help when I was a baby if she needed it! Instead she tried to play house until she got tired of it!”

“Jim that’s not true! Mom tried, she did. But those are serious psychological disorders. They don’t just go away because we want them to. I can’t speak for Mom about why she didn’t get help until it was forced on her. But, I want you to understand that she didn’t abandon you because she didn’t love you, she tried to be a Mother as best she could until it was simply impossible for her to do so.”

Jim slumped in his seat, the sudden anger gone as quickly as it had come. He had been so angry with her for so long, thinking she had left because she hated him and that that was why she never called and never wrote to him. Instead she was locked up in some house for crazy people because she loved his Dad too much to stay sane after his death. He didn’t know how to take that. How was he supposed to reconcile this new vision of his Mom in his mind with the one that he had had since he was five?

“When she is able to, I am sure Mom will try to see you and apologize herself. I don’t know when or if it will ever happen, Jimmy, but I hope it does. I hope you get the chance to know the Mom that I did for that short while.”

Jim nodded, new tears filling his eyes. Damn it. He didn’t want to cry. He was stronger than this.

Sam pulled Jim back to him, wrapping one arm over Jim’s shoulders in an awkward hug. “So, you’re really pregnant, huh?”

Jim tried to laugh at his brothers attempt to find a less horrible topic. Of course it wasn’t really much better. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. Is that going to be a problem?”

“No,” Sam felt a little startled again at the confirmation that his little brother was pregnant. “How did that happen anyway?”

Jim sighed. “There was an accident in chemistry class and a bunch of us had our genders changed. They still haven’t figured out how, but they think some of the chemicals may have been mislabeled and were actually alien compounds.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah.”

“So…was it Mr. Freedman’s kid who knocked you up?”

“What? Scott!”

“I am assuming that is why Mr. Freedman seems to be living here.”

“No, Scott isn’t the father. Scott got turned into a girl as well. There will probably even be a picture in the year book with all of us genderbenders.” Jim gave a snorting laugh and shook his head. “No, it was some visitors. This really nice lady, Amanda Grayson and her family stayed for a couple days when their hovercar broke down. They had a son,” Jim suddenly blushed scarlet up to the tips of his ears as he remembered just how Spock had knocked him up.

“Ah,” Sam smiled knowingly at Jim. “I take it the son was pretty hot.”

“Hot like Vulcan.”

Sam was so shocked he couldn’t help letting out a loud roaring laugh his free hand clenching at his belly as he bent forward.

“Well, it looks like I won’t have to tie you two up and shove you in a closet after all,” Aurelan said as she stepped into the room.  
 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ *  


**Day 117; 7:00 am, Riverside, Iowa**  
   
This was the first time that he would be going into Dr. O’Neill’s office in the town for an exam. He supposed that making her come all the way out to his farm was ridiculous now that everyone in town knew he was pregnant. Still, he felt very exposed and uncomfortable walking into the open like this. It was only a few feet from Mr. Freedman’s truck to the Doctor’s Office, it didn’t leave a lot of time for anyone to stop him or attack him. Of course he doubted Mr. freedman would let anyone attack him, but you never knew.

“I’ll walk you in but then I’m going to have to head down to my Vet Clinic. Give the Clinic a call when your appointment’s done and I can come get you, or you can call your Brother. I am sure he would love the chance to spend more time with you.”

“Now you’re just teasing me. I’m not having my brother get me from here. God damn, that would be embarrassing.”

Mr. Freedman chuckled and lightly pushed Jim through the open doorway into the building. The receptionist in the lobby looked up as they entered and blushed as she glanced down at Jim’s swelling abdomen. After a moments hesitation she flashed Jim a wide, but fake, smile and asked him to take a seat while Dr. O’Neill was informed that he had arrived.

The seating area in the lobby was like any other doctor’s office, rather bland with random bits of artwork, in this case it was ocean landscapes. There were two other women, both heavily pregnant and one man holding a small child, already seated. All three adults looked up at Jim and then glanced down at his belly. The man looked away quick, his skin having gone white at the sight of Jim. The two men looked curious but looked away when Jim made eye contact.  
Mr. Freedman helped Jim get seated before apologizing that he had to get on his way. Jim knew it was true because the man had been at nearly every other appointment he had had so far. Jim smiled and assured him that he could take care of himself and wasn’t likely to be hurt in the doctor’s office. Mr. Freedman had laughed and as he turned to leave he had told Jim that if anyone could do it, it would be Jim.

When Jim had looked away from the doorway where Mr. Freedman had exited, he noticed that the two women had moved to sit next to each other and were now whispering to each other trying to sneak little glances at him when they thought he wasn’t looking. Great. Just lovely. Now there were bound to be even more rumors going about town that Jim was pregnant with Scott’s baby or maybe Mr. Freedman’s baby on top of the ones already going around saying that Spock or his Father had impregnated Jim.

“Jim,” called Dr. O’Neill. “You can come back now.”  
   
* * *  
   
Frank stood across the street watching as his former step-son was helped out of the truck by that damn black-mutt, Freedman. The boy was showing even more than he had a few days ago, his stomach bloated with that spawn of his. Frank didn’t know which of the rumors was true but it didn’t matter. Alien freak baby or a black skinned mutt, either way it was an abomination that made Frank’s skin crawl.

As he watched the freak and the mutt enter the building Frank knew what he would have to do. There was no other choice if he wanted to ensure his town stayed clean. He would have to be careful, though. This wasn’t going to be something he could do without risk, but if it went down like he hoped then Riverside would be safe from at least one more freak. If he was lucky he would even be able to get ride of the little fuck up, Jim.

A crooked smile stretched across Frank’s face and if anyone had been outside to see it they would have found themselves moving as fast as possible across the street. But there was no one there and so he was able to slip into the shadows to wait for Jim to leave.  
   
* * *  
   
Jim could have stayed inside that little exam room all day. The sound of his child’s heartbeat filling he room was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. No matter what the doctor said he would always deny that he had cried the first time he heard it. Still, it was a delight every time he heard it. This time Dr. O’Neill had been able to gift him with a recording of the heartbeat along with the ultrasound photo. It was a gift he knew he would always cherish.

_‘I should make a copy to send to Spock. Even if he doesn’t want to talk to me now he should still be able to know his child.’_

Jim clutched the envelope with the ultrasound picture and audio recording to his chest. Right now, besides his baby, these were his most precious possessions. He couldn’t help the grin that seemed permanently etched onto his face at the thought of his precious baby.

Jim looked up to glance around the parking lot. The receptionist had said she call for Sam to pick him up, although it wasn’t likely that Sam would have gotten here from the farm so fast. The thought of his brother back home again and with a wife and child on the way made Jim smile as well. Aurelan was due soon too and damned if she wasn’t a fierce little fury.  She was everything his brother needed to be whipped into shape. She was not a woman who would let Sam get away with anything and for that Jim was glad. It brought Sam back to him when Jim was sure he would never see his brother again. She was a true blessing for what was left of the Kirk family.  
   
Jim spied a wooden bench under a large oak and went to sit down, Sam’s car wasn’t there yet and might not be for several more minutes. There were very few leaves left on the old oak, Jim noticed and the breeze was back again. Jim had to suppress a shiver and pulled his jacket tighter. It probably would have been better to sit inside and wait but Jim didn’t like the way the receptionist kept looking at him or the way the other patients in the waiting room would start to whisper to each other while watching him. Of course he knew he had to get used to it. It was a small town and even though the Starfleet Construction Yard was just out of town, they still didn’t get a lot of the aliens working there coming into town. So people were still used to being around other Humans, and a pregnant Human male kind of went drastically against the norm. So it really wasn’t that unusual that the townsfolk were weirded out by him right now. 

Sighing Jim looked around again, trying to look further up the street in either direct to see if he could spot Sam’s car.

 _‘No…Can’t be.’_ Jim flinched as he caught sight of a figure lurking in the shadows of the fabric store across the street. He couldn’t be one hundred percent certain but every instinct he had was screaming at him in alarm. He hadn’t been this afraid since he had stared Kodos in the face and spit at his feet as he watched the man give the order for 4,000 of the other colonists to be executed. He needed to get out of here. He needed to be some place safe where Frank couldn’t get to him…to his baby!

Looking away from Frank and back to his abdomen and the envelope clutched in his hands, Jim made a snap decision to make a run for it. He couldn’t stay here in the open where Frank could get him so easily and he couldn’t trust the people in the Doctor’s Office to protect him, so the only option left was to run the three blocks to Mr. Freedman’s Vet Clinic.

Glancing up at the figure, which had taken a few steps out of the shadows to prove that it was Frank and that he did see Jim, Jim made his decision. He swallowed thickly as the grin on Frank’s face stretched out like an evil Cheshire cat’s grin. Without waiting for further thoughts or for Frank to venture any closer Jim stood up from the bench and dashed off as fast as his legs and swollen belly would allow him.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest, hard enough it felt as if it would burst right out of his body. He couldn’t stop and couldn’t risk looking backwards to see if he was being fallowed, it would only slow him down. So he ran, nearly tripping over his own feet in his hast.

Jim slammed into the door, forcing it wide as he barreled into the clinic. The bell seemed strangely shrill as it announced his presence. The old woman watching the front desk for Mr. Freedman looked startled as Jim came to a skidding stop in front of her desk.

“Lands sake, child, are you okay,” asked the woman.

“No,” Jim took in some deep gasping breaths. “I need-“

“You need to sit down.” She stood and went around the counter helping him to sit down as he clutched at his belly. “Stay here, hon, I’ll go get Paul for you.”

Jim nodded not sure he could say anything as he tried to pull himself together. He sat there taking deep breaths and running one hand over his belly as he stared out the door, waiting to see if Frank appeared. It was probably on three, maybe four minutes before Mr. Freedman arrived from the back along with the old woman.

“Jim, are you all right? Margaret said you came running in like the hounds of Hell were on your heels.” Mr. Freedman kneeled down boy Jim, resting a hand against the one Jim had clutching at his baby bump.

“Frank.” Jim looked at Mr. Freedman, his pupils constricted with his fear. “Frank was waiting outside the doctor’s office.”

Mr. Freedman cursed and looked over to Margaret. “Can you call Jim’s brother for me, his comm. number should be on the green stickie on my desk.”  
Margaret nodded, gave Jim a worried smile and headed to the back to call Sam. Mr. Freedman waited until Margaret was out of the room before turning back to Jim. “Are you going to be alright? He didn’t touch you, did he?”

Jim looked away, back to the door. There was no sign of Frank anywhere outside. “He didn’t touch me.” Jim licked his lips. “He just watched me with this…this terrible grin.” Jim gave another violent shiver. He wasn’t used to this. It had been years since he had last been this weak, this vulnerable. It was the hormones he told himself, that was all. Just the hormones.

“Sam will be here soon and then he will take you back to the farm.” Mr. Freedman looked up and out the glass door as they heard a car pull into the parking lot. “Speak of the Devil.”

Sam ran into the room almost as fast as Jim had. His feet hit the carpet and he nearly crashed into the counter of the reception desk in his rush to get to Jim. “You’re okay? If he touched you I swear to God, Jim, I will kill the mother fucker!”

“Calm down, Sam.” Mr. Freedman patted Jim’s knee and stood. “Jim wasn’t hurt.”

“Fuck that! That man shouldn’t even be in the same fucking country as Jim!”

“Sam, he didn’t hurt Jim.” When Sam went to say something, Mr. Freedman raised a hand. “That doesn’t mean we won’t do everything in our power to protect and support him.” He looked back to Jim, his eyes projecting strength. “You won’t be leaving that farm house without either Sam or myself with you. Not until we are certain Frank is one.”

Jim nodded and let Sam help him up from the chair. “Let’s go back to the farm. You can sit on the couch in the library with a good book and a lap full of puppies.”

“Puppies?”

Sam smiled at his brother and quickly placed a kiss to his forehead as he had when Jim was fast asleep as a child, before things had gone downhill.  “Kalilia had her puppies about half an hour after you left. There are three little males and one little female, all in good shape.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Jim nodded, a bit of calmness slowly rising up from somewhere deep inside.  
   
   
* ~ * ~ * ~ *  


**Day 117; 10:05 am, Kirk Farm House**  
  
That night Jim curled up in his bed that he had shared with Spock and tried to imagine his Vulcan was there with him, curled protectively around Jim. Sam and Aurelan where sleeping downstairs in the guest room and Mr. Freedman had decided to move up to Jim’s Mother’s room. Aurelan had cornered him upon their arrival back at the farm and had spent nearly two four hours talking about how they should redecorate his bedroom as a nursery and then when Jim was ready they could redo the Master bedroom as his. Jim had tried to say he didn’t want that room, that he was content to stay in his room with the baby, but Aurelan had been persistent. Jim had even countered saying that she and Sam should have the master so that they could put their baby there since their little boy was due months before Jim’s child. But Aurelan wasn’t having any of it. She insisted that the house was Jim’s and that as such he should have the upper rooms, insisted that Sam and her were going to find their own place. Jim would never say it but he had been a little sad at that. He and Sam still had some rough spots they were working through but things were actually starting to go right for once.

Jim sighed and rolled over, lifting his PADD above his him. A small smiled slide across his face as he looked at the picture of Spock, nude, aroused and glorious. Looking at Spock here, at the emotion burning brightly in his eyes Jim couldn’t doubt him, couldn’t conceive of Spock turning his back on him and their child, even though Jim had never actually stated outright that he wasn’t always a girl. His lust and the love that seemed to manifest nearly overnight for him were as real as anything in Jim’s life ever had been. It was crazy. Something straight out of the trashy romance novels in the library, but it was real. He had known Spock for all of three days and he had fallen in love almost from the moment they met. Something deep inside told him that he would never find anyone else that he would love as he loved Spock.

Jim reached up and traced a finger along Spock’s jaw line, down his neck and shoulders and into the light dusting of black hair that was growing on his chest. There wasn’t a lot of it but Jim figured the hair had begun to grow not that long ago. Spock wasn’t much older than him and he couldn’t be completely finished maturing physically. That of course led to Jim wondering what Spock look like in another five even ten years, when his body was mature. Would the hair on his chest be thicker? Would he have gotten taller? Would his shoulders be broader? His cock thicker? Longer?

 _‘Fuck.’_ Jim moaned, his hips shifting as his penis began to harden. It seemed like every time he even glanced at a picture of Spock he got hard. Dr. O’Neill had told him the increase in hormones would likely caused an increased labido but it was ridiculous how often he had to hide an erection. It was even worse than when he first started puberty. He couldn’t go in the field, the barn or even his damn shower without remembering Spock and getting hard. It had caused some problems. He had nearly been walked in on while masturbating on several occasions now and it was making him more than a little paranoid.

It was a little weird that after all the ups and downs of today he still had the urge to rub one out. He wanted to ignore it but the turgid length of his cock was insistent, consuming all his focus away from any dangers hiding in the dark. He wanted to deny it but he had accepted long ago that he had to take what little pleasures he could in life. So he pushed all thoughts of the dangers Frank represented out of his mind and went back to focusing on the image of Spock.

It was a lovely shot, almost artistic in its beauty. In the picture Spock was laying on Jim’s bed in the nude, his penis a hot, hard length arching up towards his abdomen, curving slightly towards Spock’s hip. Spock’s hips were cocked onto their side towards the camera while his chest twisted and arched so that his shoulders rested against the bed, arms resting above his head. The lines of his body drew Jim’s eyes unlike anything he could find on the net or in a porno mag, but it was the look on Spock’s face that really set Jim afire. His face was resting in the frame of his arms, those dark chocolate eyes burning up from the screen and deep into Jim’s soul.

Jim whimpered and pulled on his cock, twisting his hand over the head, smearing precum over his glands. It wouldn’t take long before he came, it never did. Spock stripped him of all his control, all his senses. He lost himself in Spock and it seemed as if he would be happy to let his senses drown in the man who so completely owned his heart.

_‘Jim. My Jim.’_

Perhaps they were only a memory or perhaps it was Spock somehow reaching across the stars to him but the whisper soft sounds of Spock calling out his name with such tender affection did him in. With a sob he released himself over his hand and the swell of their child.  
   
   
   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**Chapter 9**

 

* * *

  
  
**Day 216; 7:05 am, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
Winter had finally hit Riverside. They had been predicting snow for nearly a month now but finally, three days ago Jim had woken up to the sight of snow covering his property in a thick, gleaming white blanket. He had felt giddy as a small child again at the sight. He would get a true white Christmas with his family this year. Jim smiled and placed a hand against his abdomen where his child kicked enthusiastically against his stomach. His precious child was as strong as it’s Daddy.

Jim’s smile faltered at the thought of Spock and an ach began to form around his heart at the thought of all Spock had missed and was going to miss. It had been eight months since Spock had been here, eight months since Jim had last be able to talk to him. Jim didn’t know why Spock didn’t reply to any of his letters. There were so many different thoughts and fears Jim had about that. Spock may have been disgusted by Jim being a boy, even though he would have to admit to the emotion, or perhaps he was simply so focused on his schooling and getting that completed so that he and Jim could marry, or maybe someone at the consulate was tossing out the letters as Jim sent them. That was the option Jim hoped most for because it meant Spock wasn’t regretting their time together or the promise he made to find and marry Jim when they were both adults. Jim hoped that even if Spock was busy with school he would find the time to send Jim a message to at least confirm he received the letters and pictures Jim sent.

“It is a lovely time of year, is it not?”

Jim turned to look at Dr. Phlox who had quietly snuck up to stand beside him at the window, looking out over the back field. “Yeah it is pretty spectacular looking this year. Cold though.”

“Indeed. Although, I myself have come to quite enjoy the opportunity for the snow even if it is a bit cold.” He took a large drink of his steaming tea. “There is little chance for snow when one spends a great deal of time in space.”

“True. I guess it is nice to have a holiday on land.”

“Indeed. The chance to spend a special occasion with ones loved ones is always enhanced when you can spend it in your home.”

Jim nodded and the two fell into a comfortable silence as they watched as the snow fell in graceful, twirling dances from the looming clouds.

Tomorrow was the day before Christmas and Aurelan, Sam and Mr. Freedman seemed to have gone into overdrive to make all the last minute preparations for a big holiday dinner. Sam and Mr. Freedman had spent nearly a week getting decorations out of the attic, cleaning them off and putting them up. That of course had necessitated several trips into town to get new bulbs, which in turn led to Aurelan picking out several entirely new decorations for both the inside and outside of the house. It had left Sam complaining for days about how they should have burned the stack of Martha Stewart magazines when they found them boxed up in the attic.

There were hand made garlands over the fireplaces and on the stair railings, a wreath on the doors, soft strings of yellow Christmas lights along the walls in all the main rooms and mixed in with the garlands on the banister, and several stuffed and plaster Santa’s scattered throughout the rooms. All the tables had new Christmas themed table runners and candles on them that Aurelan had either bought in the Markets in town or stitched together from scraps of fabric. Heck there was even a glowing pair of whicker raindeer in the front lawn. Jim couldn’t remember the house even being so festive, not even when he was little and his Mom was still around. Aurelan was a fabulous Mom. Little Peter was a lucky baby.

“How are your classes going,” asked Dr. Phlox, breaking the welcome silence.

“They’re okay. The computer programming classes are a breeze. I can probably get a masters in two, three years tops. Philosophy isn’t bad although the teacher is a douche. He talks in monotone and doesn’t seem to care about what arguments we propose, but whatever. There is a new class that looks cool, The History of Classical Warfare. I might take that just for a lark.”

Dr. Phlox seemed to realize that trying to argue for the professors side might be wise. He was glad though to see Jim taking such an interest in his schooling and so he gave Jim a smile and carefully led him to the table. “Sit and relax, dear boy. Have you eaten? Of course not. I’ll make you something.”

Jim watched the doctor putter about in the kitchen. He pulled out a package from the refrigerator. Jim had been curious about it but not really willing to ask the Denobulan what it was exactly that he had brought with him this time. Whatever was in the bag seemed to require use of the stove to cook though. Jim cocked his head to the side as the smell of cooking meat, not any that he recognized, filled the kitchen. For a moment he was worried about his stomach rebelling like it had taken to doing with most red meats, but the rich heady scent of spiced meat cooking on his stove wasn’t making his stomach roll. If anything it was making his stomach cry out with hunger pains, as if he hadn’t eaten in days.

Jim was practically wiggling in his seat as he watched the pink sausages cooking while Dr. Phlox went about making a leafy green salad with lots of fresh romaine lettuce, orange pieces, chopped up carrots, grapes, corn, spinach and croutons. All the fruits and vegetables were freshly grown on the farms in and around Riverside, some even from his own garden out back.

Dr. Phlox smiled widely at Jim as he made up two large plates covered in salad and sausage. “Denobulan sausage,” stated the doctor as he set the plate before Jim.

Even cooked, the sausage was a soft, almost pastel pink color. “Denobulan sausage is one of my favorite foods. Eat up because it is full of excellent vitamins and proteins or you.”

“Oh God,” Jim moaned around a mouthful of food. “This is great. Mmmm…so good. Almost as nice as a red velvet cake…or mmm….maybe a double dutch chocolate cake with fudge icing.”

Dr. Phlox chuckled as he watched Jim devour his breakfast. “You are one of the few Humans I have known who as not reacted negatively to Denobulan sausage.”

Jim wanted to be angry at being an experiment but the food was just too good to care. There were still a large number of foods, besides the ones he was allergic to, that left him tossing his cookies. So it was nice to find another meat based food he could eat. He was getting tired of chicken and fish.

“I wonder,” Dr. Phlox looked around as if he could see through the walls. “Where is your brother and Mrs. Aurelan today?”

“Prob’ly getting some private time in while they can. Little Peter has one heck of a set of lungs on him.”

“Aw…nap time for the parents it is.” Dr. Phlox gave Jim a wink. “Their delay shall simply leave more sausage for the two of us.”

Jim smiled and speared a large piece of sausage off the doctor’s plate. “Only if you can keep up old man, I am eating for two.”

Dr. Phlox let out a surprised bark of a laugh as Jim winked at him and devoured the sausage. “A challenge it is, then.”

With wide grins and full of laughter the two set to eating everything they could off the table. A warmth of pleasure filled Jim as he watched the old Denobulan joke with him. He was finding himself very lucky in many ways. Although he didn’t have his biological Mother or Father here he did have his brother’s family and the family he was choosing to build. He had Scott who had become a second brother, Mr. Freedman who had become a surrogate Father for him and now he had Dr. Phlox as well, who was becoming like a Grandfather. And somewhere out there he had a husband waiting for him and a Mother and Father-in-law.

“Ugh,” Sam moaned from the doorway, “What are you guys eating? It smells awful in here.”

Jim swallowed the chunk of sausage in his mouth a turned to smile at his brother. “Dr. Phlox made a Denobulan breakfast. You should have some, it’s good.”

Sam gave what was left of the lurid pink sausage the stink eye and made a quick beeline past the table into the kitchen. “That’s okay. I think I’ll just stick with some coffee and oatmeal.”

“You sure?”

Sam swallowed hard as he watched the two slice into the sausages. “Yeah. Definitely sure.”

Sam looked away from the table and went about brewing a fresh cup of coffee and getting the oatmeal started his wife and himself. He couldn’t imagine that Aurelan would want any of that monstrosity either. “So,” Sam leaned against the counter. “What are your plans today, Jim?”

“Well, Aurelan and I are going to go into town for a couple hours and get some Christmas shopping done.”

Sam nearly chocked on his own tongue in shock. “Fuck! Jim, it’s the 24th already! It’s going to be a madhouse.”

“Perhaps,” Jim took a sip of his tea, to hide the smile trying to stretched across his face. “But the savings from all the last minute sales this year will be pretty good. From what Anne said most of the town has already completed their sopping and a few of the stores ended up with last minute deliveries on popular items, which has left them overstocked.”

“God,” Sam rolled his eyes and laughed softly. “You really are a girl.”

Jim stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at his brother while Dr. Phlox simply started laughing at them both. The three men spent the next twenty minutes laughing and joking as they ate their breakfast and waited for Aurelan and baby Peter to come down.

It was going to be a good day. Scott was going to be back until after the new year and he and Mr. Freedman would be over to the farm this afternoon and would have dinner with them tonight. A big family holiday dinner. It made Jim feel warm inside at the thought. He had never had one of those before. His Mom was gone…Frank, well Frank was never family, and Sam had been away for a long time. But Sam was back, and he had brought two new wonderful people into Jim’s life. He wouldn’t say the old anger and hurt at his brother’s abandonment was entirely gone. It wasn’t. It would likely be there for years. A wound that deep didn’t fully heal overnight, but Jim was able to better understand now. Even if he was still hurt he didn’t want to miss out on knowing his brother and his family. Spock, Sarek and Amanda had begun to help him heal and realize he wanted to be part of a family. He wasn’t going to let that precious gift go to wasn’t just because he was hurt. Sam had been a child and so had he and children made mistakes.

“You boys sound like you are having fun.”

The three turned to see Aurelan, holding baby Peter, walking into the room. She gave them a wide smile and placed a quick kiss on her husband’s head as he stood to offer her his seat. Jim couldn’t help but smile at the two because it was terribly obvious how smitten they were with each other. He wondered if Spock and he had looked like that, if Sarek and Amanda had guessed at just how close the two of them had gotten in those few brief days. Did they suspect but simply believe neither Spock or he would act on the attraction? Did they not even think it would be a problem, thinking Jim was just another boy and not the same type of threat a girl would be to their son? Did they see that Jim had been a girl and just not believe either of them would be so irresponsible as to have unprotected sex? So many what ifs.

“Well, Jim,” Aurelan smiled at Jim as Sam and Dr. Phlox coo’d over little Peter. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah. But don’t you want anything to eat first?”

Aurelan laughed. “No. Your nephew woke me about 3am for a feeding and I ended up eating a bowl of corn flakes.”

“If you’re sure?”

“We can stop and have some lunch in town, just the two of us, before we come back. Paul should be back from the shuttle port at the construction yard by the time we get back.”

Jim couldn’t help but smile at the warmth that suffused him. “Alright, let’s head out then. There’s gift shopping to be done.”  
 

*~*~*~*  
 

 **11:15 am, Daisy’s Diner, Riverside, Iowa**  
  
Daisy’s Diner was a kind of kitchy throwback dinner, but Jim loved it. The diner had been created by a retired Starfleet instructor and his wife. Dale Johansen had taught introductory chemistry at Starfleet for years where he met and married Lissan P'Trell of Andora. Two years ago the couple had moved back to Riverside and become the first interspecies couple to live in the small town. Jim could remember the stir it caused at the time, but fortunately the people of the town were generally kind and after they got to know Lissan, they had welcomed her into the fold. It didn’t hurt that Lissan had a fondness for 20th century Earth cultures. About four months after moving into town she had open a small roadside style diner. It was this beautiful steal building with wide windows stretching the length of the front and side with sun yellow cloth awnings and gentle curves at the corners and the red roof top, the steal walls looked like high end corrugated steal that turned into Greek style columns at the corners. The steal walls were aglow with the blue and gold Christmas lights reflecting off both the steal and the snow on the red painted roof.

Aurelan held a tight grip on his elbow as they got out of the compact hovercar and headed inside. Lissan’s staff always took care to make sure the walkway into the diner was safe but Jim’s body had become noticeably bulky and he could no longer see past the swell of his belly. Aurelan, like the Docs, Sam and Mr. Freedman all seemed to be obsessed with protecting Jim from every imaginable threat both real and, well, imagined.

The inside of the diner was as warm as a summer breeze and covered in tinsel and paper reindeers. A Santa and Mrs. Claus doll set, complete with knitted red suites were standing by the register holding in place a little sign wishing those entering the diner a ‘Happy Holiday.’ Lissan, who seemed to be here every time Jim came in, was working behind the counter, serving up steaming cups of coffee to the few patrons at the counter as Andrea Nakamura waited on the people in the booths.

Lissan was a beautiful woman. Jim was certain that the snow and winter cheer was making her even more beautiful. The artic blue of her skin and the lush white of her hair very much fit winter in Riverside. She smiled at the sight of Aurelan and Jim and waved them towards the counter. Jim smiled and pointed at his stomach, which would make sitting at the counter impossible. Lissan let out a tittering laugh and waved them towards the booths, shaking her head.

Jim led Aurelan to a corner booth that had an excellent view of the rest of the diner and the entrance. The windows surrounding the booth were decorated in a thin layer of lace-like frost, giving the world outside the diner a hazy almost dream like quality. Andrea came over rather promptly, barley blushing at Jim’s baby bump, and rushed back to the counter to hand over the order. After that Aurelan and Jim slipped into a long conversation, sharing stories about Sam as they waited for their food and slipping smoothly into the story about Jim and Spock as they ate. They were so enjoying their meal and the conversation that time was passing quickly and neither noticed the figure passing by the window that saw them and froze, a shark like smile stretching across his features.  
 

*~*~*  
 

Frank had been watching and planning since that day at the Market, almost three months ago. He knew that he could do it. He could do what Kodos had been unable to. He could kill Jim Kirk. He knew the moment he had seen the little freak sitting next to the little slut in the diner that today was the day. She might be fully human and a married woman but she had made the mistake of accepting Jim as human and that blue skinned bitch as human as well. Anyone that could accept those alien freaks as anything but unnatural deserved the fate he would deliver unto them.

Slowly moving away from the lighted front of the diner, Frank smiled and rubbed his hands together. He would head back down the street to where his truck was parked and wait for the two to leave. It would be far too dangerous to do anything while they were in the populated areas of the town, but once they were out of sight he would be free to enact his revenge.

An hour passed slowly, nearly too slowly for Frank’s over excited nerves. It felt like everyone walking around outside was watching him, hat they knew what he was planning to do. If Jim and the cunt didn’t get out of the Diner soon, Frank wasn’t sure what he would do. It was taking too long for them to leave. He had waited so long to get rid of his ex-wife’s little fuck up and now it was damn near killing him to wait any longer, now that he was so close to actually doing it.

He had wanted to kill Jim Kirk the moment he laid eyes on the child. He had been mesmerized by those blue eyes and the pale golden hair. The kid had looked like a cherub and it had made his loins burn. But Frank wasn’t a fag. For years he had told himself that there was something alien about the kid that could make Frank want to beat him black and blue as he fucked the kid bloody and raw. It was the kid’s fault Frank wanted to do unholy things to him. It was the kid’s fault Winona left him for the blackness of space and those god-forsaken aliens and eventually the crazy house. And now…now Frank was vindicated. The little freak had proved how disgusting and unnatural he really was by getting knocked up. Finally he had all that he needed to ensure Jim’s death.  
 

*~*~*  
 

Jim nearly slipped on a patch of black ice as he stepped off the curb. If the front of the hovercar hadn’t been right there he likely would have fallen and broke something. Sam and the others would have had a fit and Jim would have been locked in the house until his kid was like thirty or something. Aurelan had fortunately not seen him slip and grab the car to keep from falling. She had been too busy trying to squeeze yet another package into the backseat, which was already fuller than Jim had thought it would get. They had spent nearly three hours before they stopped for lunch shopping at the smaller boutique shops owned by local craftsmen and they had just spent another two hours at the larger chain store shopping for extra sales items as well as more food for the dinner tonight and tomorrow.

He had finally convinced Aurelan that his swollen feet and aching back just couldn’t take anymore and that he needed to head back to the farm and lay down. She had looked embarrassed and ashamed to have realized she may had overdone done it and caused him pain. This pregnancy had been hard on Jim, and Dr. Phlox and Dr. O’Neill had both insisted that Jim stay in bed as much as humanly possible. Dr. Phlox had not been particularly pleased that Jim was insisting he go with Aurelan for some bonding-over-shopping time, but the crafty old Denobulan had given in eventually with many provisions. Once back Jim would be confined to his bed or one of the couches until dinner was ready and would be forced back to bed at the first sign of him tiring. Honestly Jim hadn’t argued too much. He was in a constant state of exhaustion right now. His precious little one tended to be quite active at night and Jim was certain the baby was trying out some kind of exotic dance in his belly. And if that wasn’t enough his bladder felt like it was going to explode every five minutes if he didn’t get up to pee and half the time he found he didn’t even have to go once he managed to waddle over to the nearest bathroom. He loved feeling his baby kick and was anxious to hold the precious bundle in his arms, but God there were times when he was in so much pain and just so exhausted that he would wish he had never slept with Spock. He wasn’t legally old enough to vote yet and he was going to have a baby. A hybrid baby.

“The car’s all warmed up, Jim. Do you need any help getting in?”

Jim grunted as he tried to bend down enough to get in the door. “I can do it, thanks.”

Aurelan nodded but kept a close eye on him as he almost collapsed into the seat, both feet slightly slipping out from under him on the frozen pavement as he finally managed to sit down. It took another round of grunting and tugging on his legs to finally get all the way into the small hovercar, which Jim was convinced was not designed with pregnant Humans in mind. If it had, Jim was sure they would have raised the hovercar up from the ground at least by a foot, just to make it easier to actually get in and out.

“All set. Let’s head home.”

Aurelan nodded and carefully backed the car out of the parking slot and into the road. “Paul and Scott should be here in another hour. Are you excited to see him again?”

“Scott? Yeah, yeah I am.” Jim smiled. “I just wish he could be here when the baby is born.”

“Mmmm.” Aurelan tossed him a glance out of the corner of her eye. “Spock too, I’m sure.”

Jim blushed bright red and looked down at his hands, clenched tightly together over his round belly. “Yeah. I wish Spock could be here too. I don’t know why he hasn’t been able to respond. I suppose Sarek and Mrs. Amanda may have intercepted the letters and blocked them from Spock when they realized what had happened between us. I can’t be what they want for their son. I mean Vulcan’s have some kind of pre-arranged marriages I think. And, well, if they do that means there is already someone waiting for Spock on Vulcan. Whoever she is, she is probably the better choice of spouse for him anyway.”

“I don’t believe that, Jim. From everything you told me about Spock, I can’t imagine that the girl, whoever she is, is who he wanted to spend his life with. If she was I don’t think he would have ever accepted to make love to you. Vulcan’s are very strict about monogamy and their bonds. If the bond between this girl and Spock was worth anything to him he never would have touched you or promised to come back for you.” Aurelan carefully let one hand release the steering wheel to rest it atop Jim’s own trembling hands. “You have to believe in him and the love you shared. It may take time, perhaps even years, but the Spock you told me about would certainly come back for you.”

Jim turned to face Aurelan and smiled, his eyes full of tears. “Thanks, Aure-“

The view of the road in front of them suddenly spun and Jim felt the strap of his seatbelt cutting into his tender breasts as it pulled taunt. Somewhere he could hear the sound of plas-steel screeching and crunching under a great amount of pressure. The breaks screeched as the world flipped out from under him. For a moment he was weightless as the sky flipped and danced across his vision.

Jim opened his eyes, unsure as to when they had closed. The world had been moving at super speed and now with the edges of his vision going gray it was as if the world had shifted into super slow motion. He was aware vaguely of the sound of moaning, a voice whispering his name and the cold bite of the winter wind freezing something wet on his face. He looked around. It was hard to focus on anything. Everything felt wrong. The ground seemed to be where the sky should be and it appeared that the front windshield was broken. And what was that red stuff there on the large crack in the glass? His eyes moved catching sight of a pair of worn leather boots standing in the snow next to the passenger side window. There was another voice, harsh and cold as the wind whistling outside. The boots and the body attached to them walked away as the world went dark.  
 

*~*~*~*  
 

 **7:35 pm, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
Sam wasn’t willing to admit he was worried about his wife and brother being gone so long, but he was. They should have been back by six at the latest. Dinner had been scheduled for seven. Aurelan was usually very good about calling if she was going to be running late. She hadn’t called though and she wasn’t answering her cell either. Maybe she had set it to vibrate? She always missed calls when she did that.

He wanted to believe that, but some part of himself was telling him he needed to prepare for the worst.

“You are worried,” Dr. Phlox stated as he walked into the formal sitting room just off the kitchen.

“Yeah. No. Maybe.” Sam ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck. I’m terrified. Something happened I just know it.”

“Do not fret yourself over much. If they are not answering we can simply have a pair of us head into town to locate them.”

“Yeah…yeah, we should do that. Now.”

Dr. Phlox nodded as Sam nearly sprinted into the library where Scott and Mr. Freedman were sitting by the fire. “I am going to go lo-“

The sharp sound of the phone signaling an incoming call cut Sam off and he spun around and ran into the kitchen to answer the call.

“Aurelan! Where are-“

Dr. Phlox followed Sam into the kitchen, followed by Mr. Freedman and Scott who wondered in from the library. The three of them stood in the doorway watching as Sam stopped talking, his face going as white as the snow outside before the phone slipped from his hand. Mr. Freedman moved over to pick up the phone as Dr. Phlox carefully herded Sam into a chair at the table.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Kirk,” came the voice over the receiver. It wasn’t Aurelan or Jim. A cold knot of fear began to grow in Paul’s gut. “No, this is Paul Freedman, I’m a family friend.”

“Mr. Freedman, is Mr. Kirk there with you.”

“Yes, he’s here. What is going on?”

“I am Nurse Burke from Riverside General. I’m calling because there was an accident.”

The cold knot of fear hardened like a vise around his heart, stealing away his very breath. He wanted to drop the phone. To deny what he was hearing. After everything that Jim had gone through…this was going to happen and on Christmas. Paul said something but he wasn’t sure what. His conscious mind cut out and some part of himself went to auto pilot mode, answering any questions he was asked before hanging up. “We need to go to the hospital. There was a car accident.”

Paul wasn’t sure how they made it to the hospital without causing an accident themselves. They had once again had to fit four people and a baby in Paul’s truck, since Sam’s car had been in Aurelan’s possession during the accident. Scott and Sam had been shoved into the bed of the trunk and they felt as if they were turning into ice sculptures as they speeded down the frozen dirt road to town. It didn’t matter though. Nothing mattered at that point except getting to the hospital and seeing Aurelan and Jim. If asked not one of them would have been able to tell you how fast the truck was going or how long it took to get to the hospital. All they knew was they could see the building in front of them, Nurses and Doctors going in and out with gurneys and patients in wheelchairs.  
They all pored out of the truck, Dr. Phlox carefully carrying baby Peter in his arms as they rushed into the Emergency Room. The Nurse at the check in station looked up as the rushed up, panting and nearly out of breath from the fear gripping each of them.

“Jim and Aurelan Kirk,” Sam practically yelled. “I got a call. Where are they? Are they okay?”

“Calm down, Sir,” replied the Nurse. “Let me just check the records for you.”

“Yeah. Of course. Please.”

“Dr. Freedman, Paul?” Paul turned around and saw a shaken and bloody Lissan standing awkwardly by the seating area. Sitting behind her Paul noticed her waitress, Andrea rocking back and forth, her knees pulled up to her chest. Both of their faces were streaked with tears, their eyes puffy and red from their crying. There was blood staining their hands and shirts, even some in their hair and across their foreheads.

“Lissan? What are you doing here?” Paul stepped towards her, placing his hands gently on her shoulders.

“Andrea’s car wouldn’t start so I was driving her out to her parents farm.” Her voice cut off as she tried to prevent herself from crying again. “We…we found the car in the ditch.” Lissan’s hands were shaking. “They were still inside and there was so much blood.”

“Paul,” Dr. Phlox interrupted the two. “The Nurse has located them for us.”

“Are they…” Paul trailed off unsure he could actually say it out loud.

“They are alive. Aurelan is with the Doctors getting her arm put in a cast and going through several minor scans to insure there was no internal trauma.”

“And Jim?” Scott looked at the doctor, his hand unconsciously reaching out to grip the sleeve of his Father’s shirt.

Dr. Phlox let out a soft sigh. “They have him in surgery. I am going to go back there now to assist. The accident caused a great deal of trauma and we are going to have to do an emergency c-section if we want to save the baby and Jim. Nurse Prattchet here,” Dr. Phlox waved towards the idle aged woman standing to his right, “is going to take you to another waiting room. Aurelan’s doctor will be by to let you see her once they have her patched up.”

Dr. Phlox carefully handed baby Peter over to his Father and gave Scott and Paul one last look before turning and heading into the bowels of the hospital where Jim was waiting to be saved.  
  
  
*~*~*~*  
 

 **10:53 pm, Waiting Room 3B, Riverside General**  
  
Sheriff Cotton had been in the waiting room with them for nearly an hour now, asking question after question about Jim and Aurelan. Did they have enemies? Did they have any problems with alcohol? Had either of them had experience driving on icy roads? And a whole host of other irritating questions. Scott and Sam had both looked as if they were on the verge of punching the Sheriff in the face if he asked them anything else. In the end Paul had ended up forcing the Sheriff to talk to him in another section of the waiting room. Eventually, Paul was able to learn that there were signs that the car accident wasn’t actually an accident. They had been hit and hit hard enough to toss the smaller, lighter hovercar into the air, through a fence and down into a ditch. There were also signs that whoever hit them had stopped, gotten out of their vehicle and actually walked down the snow covered ditch to look in at them before they climbed back up out of the ditch and drove off.

When Paul had heard that he had wanted to scream and throw things. How anyone could purposefully do this and then just walk away baffled Paul. But as the words sunk in he had realized he knew who could have done this. He had of course told the Sheriff everything he knew about Frank and about the few odd sightings Jim had had of the man following him around town. He had even witnessed one such occasion as well and mentioned that to the Sheriff who looked even more grim with every account Paul could remember. It was with that grim look that the Sheriff had departed to continue the investigation elsewhere.  
It was good timing as well since about five minutes later Sam and baby Peter returned from seeing Aurelan.

“She’s pretty beat up but the Doctors are saying she will be fine. They are going to keep her here overnight to watch for signs of a concussion from the impact, but she will be able to go home tomorrow.”

“That’s good to hear,” Scott said, resting a hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“Any word on Jim, yet?”

“Not yet. Dr. Phlox hasn’t come out yet. But I am sure everything is fine. He’s a great doctor. One of the best and he’ll do good by Jim.”

“Yeah,” Sam didn’t sound very sure, but this was a situation that made it hard to be sure about anything. “Have they given any word about what happened?”

Paul stepped forward and ushered Sam to sit down as Scott carefully took baby Peter from him. While Scott played carefully with Peter, making faces and tickling his belly his Father carefully explained what the Sheriff had told him and what frank suspected Frank had done. Sam cursed and lunged up from his seat meaning to go after his ex-stepfather but Paul grabbed his arm pulling him down into the seat again.

“Charging off all willy-nilly isn’t going to help Jim. So sit down and calm down.” Paul gave Sam a look all Father’s gave their sons right before they were planning on doing something impulsive and stupid. “The best thing to do right now is wait here. Jim is going to need you when he comes out of surgery and you being in jail for attacking Frank won’t help anyone. The Sheriff is looking into this and he will make sure all legal recourse is taken to protect Jim and Aurelan.”

“Fine,” said Sam petulantly. With a gusty sigh he collapsed back into the couch, his resting against the back. “some Christmas this is turning out to be.”

“Don’t give up yet. There is still time for a Christmas miracle.” The three men all looked up at Dr. Phlox who was standing in the entryway looking exhausted.

“Is Jim-“ Sam and Scott called out together.

“He is going to be fine. He pulled through the surgery just fine and has been moved into another room where he can rest. We will keep him here overnight and tomorrow we will see how he is doing. If he seems to be doing well we will go ahead and release him along with Aurelan.”

“My Godchild?” Sam clutched at Scott’s free hand as Scott continued to carefully rock baby Peter.

“A little boy and healthy as can be considering what he has gone through.”

“He? It’s a boy!” Sam looked delighted.

“Indeed. He is a heavy little thing as is common with Vulcan babies. Quite adorable as well. If you’d like I can take you to see him.”

“Will we be able to hold him,” asked Scott.

“Not yet I am afraid. He is in an incubator keeping him warm. All signs are showing that he should be healthy but he was born almost 2 months early based on standard Vulcan biology. We want to make sure he will be healthy enough out of the incubator before we start having people handle him.”

“Okay, we can deal with that. Lead on, Doc.” Sam practically pushed Dr. Phlox out of the room. Scott and his Father followed behind with excited looks. They had been waiting almost as long as Jim had to meet the newest Kirk child.

It didn’t take long to make it up one floor to where all the babies were sleeping. As they lined up at the window they gazed out over the rows of sleeping children but didn’t spot one that looked like Jim or like a Vulcan. Finally Dr. Phlox smiled and led them to a door on the left of the window. “We shall enter here, but I will need each of you to put on a medical gown and mask.”

After receiving nods of confirmation from the three anxious men he led them inside a small room where they quickly dressed into the gown and wrapped up little Peter in his own special cloths. They once again left through another door and entered a larger room filled with clear aluminum baby bed, only these ones had hoods over top and hold in the side with soft gloves attached so that parents could still touch their child without risking it’s health. There very only three babies currently in the special beds and Jim’s child was easy to spot.

He was a tiny pale little thing, his skin nearly white but for the small hint of green. He was wrapped carefully in little blue footie pj’s, his head carefully covered by a little blue cap, which he did not appear pleased with. As they watched the baby wiggled and shifted as best it could trying to dislodge the cap from over his tiny pointed ears. His little face was scrunched up with displeasure, little point eyebrows pressed down toward his eyes as his little lip trembled. They could all see the baby was getting ready to start crying.

Chuckling softly Paul inched up to the crib and went to put his hands in the gloves, glancing over to Dr. Phlox for approval before reaching in and gently slide the cap off the baby’s head. Slowly his trembling lip stilled and the displeasure slipped from his face. With a mighty yawn the baby settled back into sleep.

It took a surprising amount of will power not to coo at the little fellow.

“He’s perfect,” Scott’s voice was soft but full of wonder as he looked down at his Godson. “Look at those little ears! Such an adorable little elfling.”

Paul chuckled and pulled his hands out of the gloves to ruffle his son’s hair. The expression on his son’s face as he looked down at the sleeping baby was something Paul knew he would remember forever.  
 

*~*~*~*  
 

 **Day 217; 10:00 am, Riverside General**  
  
Jim hated being drugged. Really hated…no, loathed was a better choice of wording. He loathed being drugged. It left him far too vulnerable to whatever crazy bastard nearby decided to come after him. And this moment…yeah, this moment just proved that a worthy belief. He ached everywhere, even places he didn’t know could hurt did. His eyes seemed to be having a hard time focusing, his mouth tasted of sawdust and his limbs felt as if they were tied down by weights.  
He groaned and tried to shift as the shadows in the corner of the room parted revealing a bulky figure sitting across from him. He strained his eyes trying to make anything out, but the figure looked like it was miles away down a dark tunnel, through all the painkillers in his system. “M…” Jim licked his lips trying to brig some moisture to his dry mouth. “Mr…Freedman?”

“Not hardly, boy.”

Jim swallowed back a cry of anger and fear. “Frank.”

“Thought ya’ could get away from me, eh boy?” Frank stood up and stormed over to where Jim was trapped on the bed. He leaned over, his face so close to Jim’s that rancid beer breath poured over Jim’s face making him want to gag. “Ya shoulda’ died out in the snow, ya little fuck. But don’ worry, I’ll fix that.”  
Jim tried to wrench his face away only to have Frank rear back and hit Jim, striking the bandages where his forehead had been sliced open by the windshield. Pain exploded along his temple blacking out his vision before he felt Frank’s hand on him, pressing down against his stomach. Jim screamed, or tried to, past the filthy hand covering his mouth. His baby! He didn’t want Frank touching his baby!

From somewhere deep inside a surge of power flooded through his system like a wave of fire. Jim lurched forward as fast as he could and jerked himself to the other side of the bed, falling with a sharp cry of pain to the floor. For a moment all Jim could do was lay there and gasp through the sharp pain in his arms and rib cage. Slowly the pain faded to a dulled throbbing in his arm, but Jim could feel something was terribly wrong about his ribs. Breathing was becoming difficult and he could taste blood in his mouth. Pulling up as much courage as he could Jim looked up at Frank as he stepped around the bed.  
Frank leered down at him, the sick look on his face turning Jim’s stomach. “Down on the floor where ya belong, eh boy. Whores like ya belong there, in the dirt.”

Frank lashed out with a viscous kick to Jim’s stomach and Jim felt his heart stop beating in fear for his child. This time he did manage to scream. Frank cursed loudly and kicked him again.

Jim felt blood pour up his throat as he tried to breath past the screams of pain and fear. Surely someone could hear him? Surely the hospital had a security guard, someone to come save his baby?

“Ya little fuckin’ whore!” Frank reached behind him and pulled out a rusty old pistol aiming it at Jim as the door to his room burst open.

The doctors and nurses who had come running thinking Jim had injured himself further froze in the doorway at the sight of Jim laying on the floor coughing up blood, his IV torn from his arm and Frank standing over him with a gun. One of the nurses screamed and Frank spun the weapon over at the crowd. The crowd fled from the doorway screaming out for security as the gun pointed at them. Frank cursed again and swung the gun back towards Jim as a security guard came rushing to the door, his own phaser drawn and pointed at Frank.

“Drop the weapon!”

“Back off you fuckin’ mutt,” Screamed Frank. “I’m gonna kill the little whore if’n you don’ back the fuck up!”

“Look man, even if you shoot him you’re not getting out of this. There are too many witnesses.”

Frank snarled at the man but didn’t lower the gun from Jim. “Doesn’ matter. At least this little fuckwit would be gone. It’d be worth it.”

Jim whimpered and coughed up a bit more blood, his vision beginning to grey around the edges. Jim tried to move the hand not trapped under his own body over his stomach. His baby wasn’t kicking. He couldn’t feel it at all. Tears began to fill his eyes as he realized that Frank had killed his baby. His precious little boy. The last proof he had of Spock’s love for him. A blood filled sob crept past his lips. “No….No…No…my baby…”

Frank glanced back to Jim and smiled widely at the devastation on his ex-stepson’s face. It might be worth it not to kill the little freak if it meant he had to live knowing Frank had killed that creepy little freak baby of his. Frank glanced back to the security guard who had inched further into the room to get a better shot at him. He could shoot Jim but he would get shot as well and that wasn’t something Frank wanted. He was willing to spend a bit of time in the pen if he got to kill the little whore but he wasn’t about to get injured.

Jim continued to sob, no longer caring if Frank shot him. He had failed. He had failed to protect his own child!

Frank smiled cruelly down at Jim and slowly set the gun on the bed, raising his hands in the air. The guard rushed Frank, yanking his arms behind his back and slamming his face into the bed. Still Frank didn’t stop smiling.

A second guard came into the room and helped force Frank out of the room as the doctors and nurses rushed back in to where Jim was laying. Even as the carefully went about lifting Jim up onto the bed he couldn’t care. The doctor’s kept prying his hand away from his baby bump and Jim kept reaching back for it, hoping against hope that he would feel the flutter of little baby feet.

“We need to get him into the OR stat! We’ve got internal bleeding!”

“OR is being prepped, Doctor!”

“On the count of three lift him onto the gurney and lets get him out of here. One…Two…Three!” The team of doctors and nurses lifted Jim from his bed to the gurney that had been quickly rushed in. He gurgled out what passed for a whimper as he settled on the gurney and the bed was spun and pushed out the door.

“Out of the way. Out of the way!”

“Jim!”

Jim was vaguely aware of catching sight of his brother holding onto baby Peter as he was rushed down the hall and into an elevator. He could hear his brother calling him, chasing after the gurney. As he succumbed to the darkness he caught one last look of his pale face and stricken eyes as the elevator doors closed and he passed out.  
 

*~*~*~*  


**10:40 am, Waiting Room 3B, Riverside General**  
  
Once again Jim’s family found themselves waiting for him to get out of surgery. Aurelan was sitting next to Sam, his arm over her shoulder as she rocked baby Peter and sang softly, trying to keep the baby from picking up on the stress in the room. Scott was pacing the room and playing with his braid, every now and then he would stop and stair at the door as if expecting Jim to just walk in. Dr. Phlox and Mr. Freedman had take to alternately trying to calm Scott down and get him to sit still. It work but not for long. In the end Dr. Phlox had taken Scott back to look at his Godson to keep his mind off Jim. They had remained their for nearly an hour before coming back. Now twenty minutes later the pacing had begun again.

Fortunately this time they did not have to wait long as Dr. O’Neill arrived with the surgeon who had been operating on Jim arrived shortly thereafter. Both were still dress in their bloody operating scrubs, but neither appeared worried or upset. Dr. O’Neill nodded to the surgeon who leaned over to say something to her before he left.

“Well, I am sure you are anxious to know how Jim is doing, so I’ll just cut to the news. Jim is fine. Frank managed to re-break his ribs, which unfortunately punctured his left lung. The surgeons managed to fix that up. He will still have some residual pain while breathing for the next 48 hours as the new tissue finishes healing. The bones will still be weak as well so you will need to ensure he has a lot of calcium in his diet for the next week to help his body adjust to having the bone growth sped up twice in such a short amount of time.”

“Then he can come home,” asked Aurelan.

“I will let him go home with you after he wakes up and passes one last health scan. Just make sure he takes it easy.”

“And the baby?”

Dr. O’Neill smiled widely. “The little fellow is doing just fine. It appears that our estimate that his growth would be closer to a Vulcan gestation was incorrect. He is healthy enough to leave once Jim has named him and signed off on the certificate of birth. I would recommend to keep him warm and out of the snow as best you can. Most of genetics are showing as strongly Vulcan. While not being as sensitive to cold as a full blooded Vulcan he will be more vulnerable than a human child.”

“That’s great.” Sam let out a relieved sigh and squeezed his wife’s shoulder. “Can we see him?”

“I can’t let all of you back there right now, but two of you can head back and sit with him while he sleeps. Once he wakes and goes through the last exam the rest of you can come visit.”

“Then I think it should be Sam and Scott who go back,” stated Aurelan.

“Really?” Scott looked startled. “But you’re his family.”

“Maybe, but so are you Scott and you’ve known him longer and I am sure he will be very happy to see you there waiting for him.”

Scott blushed but nodded. He was happy that he would get to be there with Jim. That Jim’s family considered him family as well. “Okay. We’ll let you know then when he wakes up.”

“Of course,” Paul smiled at his son. “Don’t forget to show Jim some of those pictures you too of his baby. I am sure he’ll want to see them.”

Sam took Peter from his wife’s arms and smiled. Jim would be happy to see his nephew when he woke. Moving to follow Scott and Dr. O’Neill out of the waiting room and to Jim’s room Sam couldn’t help but wonder at all that had happened in such a short time and how much of a miracle it was that his wife, Jim and his new nephew had all survived. Somewhere up there his Father must be smiling down at them, like the guardian angel Sam was sure his Father had become.

Stepping into Jim’s room was not pleasant. Sam had never liked hospitals all that much. They smelled too sterile and the people their always looked so weak and pitiful, as if they were one foot in the grave. It always made Sam shiver. It was like knowing Death was there at your shoulder waiting to snatch you up. He didn’t like that feel and he certainly didn’t like getting that feeling around his little brother.

Jim was drugged into sleep, his head bandaged, his one eye swollen from where it had struck the dash of the hovercar and Sam could just make out the signs of bandages over his shoulder to help support his shoulder where it had been dislocated and to help support the healing ribs. His brother was, in a word, a mess. Battered, bruise and broken beyond anything Sam had even had nightmares about. The only time he had seen Jim look worse was when Frank had sent him that horrible photo of Jim after he returned from Tarsus IV and that had left Sam so feeling horrified, guilty and all around disgusted with humanity that he had had to burn the photo. He wanted to find Jim but he knew that he wasn’t strong enough to face his brother then, not when he looked like something out of an old World War II history book.

Taking a deep breath Sam stepped into the room and pulled up a seat by the bed. He didn’t know how long Jim would sleep but his brother would wake to see that this time Sam had not abandoned him.

From the other side of Jim’s bed, Scott gave Sam and friendly smile. He knew how hard this must be on Sam and he sympathized. He cared for Jim as well. Perhaps not in such a platonic way as Sam did, but it didn’t change how seeing Jim like this made him feel. He would stay here with Sam and watch over Jim to make sure nothing like what happened this morning would happen again.  
 

*~*~*~*  
 

It was nearly five in the afternoon by the time Jim woke up. Like usual the drugs had effected him more strongly than they did most people. Again his mouth felt dry as a desert and about as tasty, he tried biting lightly on his tongue to produce saliva but it didn’t work. Mumbling he tried to open his aching eyes and found only one would work.

“Careful there, Jim.” Scott’s voice was soft in his ear. “I’m going to put some ice chips at your lips, okay. The doc won’t let you have actual water just yet.”

“M…My baby.” Jim tried to fight back the tears. “He killed my baby!”

“No, Jim,” Sam was at his other side now, a sleeping baby Peter in his arms. “Your little baby boy is just fine. We’ve all seen him.” Sam carefully reached out to stroke his hair. “He is a beautiful little baby.”

“You’ll just love him, Jim,” Scott smiled widely. “He is a perfect little elfling. Let me get the doc to do their scans so we can get you up to see the little guy, okay.” Scott found he couldn’t help but lean down to place a soft kiss on Jim’s head before turning to leave the room.

Jim watched Scott leave before turning to look at his brother. “Alive?”

“Yeah, Jim. Your baby really is alive. They had to surgically remove the baby when you first came in last night. So the baby was safe upstairs when Frank attacked you.”

Jim let out a relieved sob as all the fear and loss that had overwhelmed him early was washed away. Scott wouldn’t have lied to him and Jim was beginning to learn that his brother wouldn’t either, not about anything this important.

“It’s okay, Jim. Just let it out.” Sam carefully ran his hand through his brother’s hair as he very carefully held his sleeping son.

“I thought I failed…I thought I had lost the best thing that had ever happened to me.” Jim struggled to sit up and press his forehead into brother’s stomach.

“I am glad to see you are finally up, sleeping beauty.”

Jim whipped his eyes and turned to look at Dr. O’Neill who was standing in the doorway. “My baby…”

“Is fine. Give me five minutes to make sure you are fit enough and then we’ll take you up to see him.”

Jim nodded and allowed her to step forward to scan her. As always Dr. O’Neill was efficient and profession. She didn’t say anything out loud but from the softening of her expression Jim could tell she was happy with what her scans were telling her. “Alright, let’s get you into a wheelchair and up to see the little elfling you popped out.”

Sam moved to help Jim but was waved away. “Keep your hands on my Nephew, Sam, the doc and Scott can help me up.”

Hearing the all clear Scott came back into the room. With great care Dr. O’Neill and Scott helped Jim to sit up and move to the edge of the bed as an orderly quickly rolled in Jim’s wheelchair.

Jim looked at in disgust. “Do I really have to use that?”

“If you want to see your son, yes.”

“No fair, Doc. Isn’t there some kinda law against using a man’s son as a bargaining chip?”

“Not in this hospital there isn’t. Now get in the damn chair.”

Jim couldn’t help but crack a smile. For such a sweet-hearted woman she really had the mouth of a sailor and the morals of a pirate when she wanted. “Fine, but next time you have to give me pants. I hate that damn breeze on my ass.”

“Keep it up, farm boy and it’ll be my hand against your ass.”

“Kinky, Doc. Very kinky.”

The orderly gave a soft chuckle and winked at Jim as Scott helped him settle in the wheelchair. Dr. O’Neill just gave Jim the stink eye, although Jim was fairly certain that she was as amused as he was by the whole conversation. They made quick progress after that point, although Jim was still unhappy with the paper-like hospital gown.

The floor they needed was actually up two but it felt like a world away. The hallways had lost that depressing gloom that was nearly palpable below, for which Jim was thankful. Jim didn’t really want his baby resting anywhere that felt like Death himself was just waiting to sneak in and take you away. Instead his baby was resting in a little hospital room with warm yellow walls with little chubby animals painted on them. It was cute, but maybe just a bit too cute for Jim’s taste.

Mr. Freedman was waiting outside the nursery door waiting for them as they approached. The smile that stretched across his face lit up at the site of Jim’s approach. “Well, it’s about time you woke up. Any longer asleep and Scott or Aurelan may well have run off with your son.”

“Dad,” whined Scott. “I wouldn’t have stolen little Leoglas! I may have been tempted to borrow him for a while, but eventually I would have given him back.”

“Leoglas,” asked Jim.

“He totally looks like a LoTR elf!”

“Please,” Sam rolled his eyes at Scott. “If you are going to name him after an elf from that series he would be better named Elrond or Erestor since they had dark hair like my nephew. And really Jim, you do need to pick a name.”

“Wasn’t Erestor just a glorified librarian? My Godson is not just going to be a librarian!”

“Says the man studying xenolingusitics as a minor,” snorted Sam. “Besides LoTR cannon doesn’t really tell you what Erestor does. It’s fanfiction that has suggested his possible functions within Elrond’s court. Maybe you’re reading too much fanfiction between classes, Scott.”

“What? Damn it, Sam! I don’t read fanfiction!”

“Of course you don’t,” Sam smirked at Scott.

“Legolas could totally kick Erestor’s ass!”

“Says you,” Sam smirked at Scott. “Cannon can’t prove he could.”

“Would you two shut up. Let me at least get a look at my son before you start badgering me about names.”

Sam and Scott turned to face Jim. Scott looked embarrassed but Sam just looked amused and unrepentant. Jim sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. Those two were going to make him go gray far more than his son possibly could, he was just sure of it. “Can I please go to see my son now?”

“Of course. Do you need any help, Jim,” asked Mr. Freedman.

Jim gripped the armrests on the wheelchair and pushed himself up into a standing position. “Maybe a little. I feel a bit dizzy.”

Mr. Freedman reached out and took Jim’s elbow, carefully helping him stand as the dizziness passed. “Can you walk into the changing room on your own?”

“I think so. Yeah, yeah I can.”

“Alright then.”

Mr. Freedman turned and nodded at the other two who smiled. They had been successful in washing away the dark mood that had been hanging over Jim. It might not last forever, but it would at least let him go into the nursery to see his son in a more positive frame of mind.

When Jim finally stepped into the room he saw Aurelan and Dr. Phlox hovering by one of the incubators and knew it was the one holding his son. Steadying himself with a deep breath Jim walked over to them. The two smiled widely at him and stepped back, making room for him in front of the incubator. Carefully he reached out, letting his hand rest atop the transparent aluminum as he glanced down at the sleeping figure inside.

“He’s beautiful,” Jim wasn’t sure why he was whispering but it felt right. Like if he spoke any louder this perfect moment would be shattered. “My little angel.”  
Dr. Phlox smiled at him and patted Jim on the shoulder. “Have you chosen a name for him?”

For a long time Jim just stared down at that perfect little face. He didn’t think he had ever seen anything quite so wonderful before and he knew at that moment that this special little being was his. His to hold. His to love. No matter what the future would bring he knew that he had done at least one good thing in this short miserable life of his. He had brought this little angel into the world.

“Yes, I have.” Jim slipped his hand into the glove attached the incubator and gently stroked his son’s head. The light dusting of black hair looked so fine and soft. Jim could barely wait to touch it with his own two hands. “Gabriel. Gabriel Erestor Kirk.”

In the background Jim could hear Scott cursing and Sam teasing him but Jim didn’t care. All his attention was focused on the precious bundle beneath his gloved hands.  
 

 

*~*~*~*  
 

 

 **8:55 pm, Kirk Family Farm**  
  
This Christmas had not gone the way he had planned. In truth it hadn’t gone according to anyone’s plans, except whatever deity like being may have been floating around the heavens that day near Earth, not that Jim really believed in Gods. Of course he wasn’t sure that he didn’t believe, he had seen true horrors but he had also seen a miracle in the birth of his son. So there was every possibility that there was some type of deity, just as there was every chance there was none. But right now as he sat on his couch in front of the crackling fire, holding little Gabriel in his arms while his family chatted and laughed and cleaned up the mess of wrapping paper from hastily opened presents, he realized it didn’t matter one way or the other. He had a family now, one that loved him and welcomed him into their lives with open arms.

Next to him baby Peter mad a soft gurgling noise as he wiggled his little fists and tried to slip back into sleep. Aurelan gave the men sitting on the floor a sharp look and blushing the men lowered their voices.

“I think that I’m going to head to bed. It’s been a long two days for me and Gabriel.” Jim smiled down at his sleeping son again, not sure he had the strength to actually place his son in the wooden crib that had been taken from the attic and repainted as a surprise by his brother.

“Do you need any help,” asked Scott from where he sat on the floor surrounded by shredded wrapping paper, the ribbon that had be stuck to his head finally falling free.

“No thanks. I think I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Alright then. We’ll try to keep it down.” Mr. Freedman stood and moved to placed a kiss to Jim and baby Gabriel’s foreheads. “Scott and I will be back tomorrow, so we’ll see you then.”

“Thanks.” Jim smiled as Scott came to give him a hug, careful not to squish Gabriel.

“Get a good nights rest. I expect to see you and my little Legolas all happy and healthy tomorrow.”

Jim chuckled but didn’t protest the nickname that Scott was insisting on using just to spit Sam. He knew Scott was already head-over-heels for Gabriel. It was obvious. He couldn’t help but smile when he looked at his Godson and was constantly finding ways to reach out and touch him. Stroking his hair, caressing the little pointed eyebrows and placing gentle kisses on his little forehead. Scott was in love and Jim couldn’t blame him. He didn’t think he had ever loved anyone as much as he loved his son.

With one last smile at the others he left the room and headed upstairs. He had a letter to write before he could sleep. This was one that he had to send no matter what. Even if Spock never answered back he would continue to send letters to him about his son. His son deserved to know that Jim was going to do everything in his power to ensure his other Father knew about him and someday they would meet face to face. Even if he had to set fire to the rain to get Spock’s attention again, he would do it.

With great care Jim closed the door to his room behind him with his shoulder before approaching the crib where Gabriel would sleep. He took great care in placing his son in the bed and covering him with the jade green thermal blanket. Gabriel sleepily open his blue eyes and let out a large yawn before turning his face towards the soft stuffed leopard resting next to him. Jim had seen it in the window of the toy shop after his third visit to Dr. O’Neill’s office in town. The stuffed leopard had called to him, reminding him strongly of Spock. His Vulcan reminded him very much of the large wild feline and it made it seem all the more important to buy it for his son.

Jim smiled and stroked his son’s cheeks softly, tracing up over his tiny pointed ears. His son looked up at him and yawned again before slipping quietly into sleep. Jim stood there just watching him sleep for another twenty minutes before he moved to his desk, turning on the playlist he had started for Gabriel. The warm, relaxing sound of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole’s voice filled the small room with the Hawaiian version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. It was an old 20th century song but it was still one of Jim’s favorites, reminding him of some of the few good memories he had of his Mom and their family before it had all fallen apart. And now he could play it and hold within it’s sound he memory of his son’s first night at home.  
  
Ooo ooo ooo

Ooo ooo ooo

Somewhere over the rainbowWay up highAnd the dreams that you dreamed of

Once in a lullaby

Oh somewhere over the rainbowBluebirds fly

And the dreams that you dreamed of

Dreams really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star

Wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where trouble melts like lemon drops

High above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Oh somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly

And the dreams that you dare to

Oh why, oh why can't I?

Oh someday I'll wish upon a star

Wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where trouble melts like lemon drops

High above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Oh somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high

And the dreams that you dare to

Why, oh why can't I, I?

Ooo ooo ooo

Ooo ooo ooo

Ooo, ah ah….  
 

 

*~*~*~*  
 

 

 **Day 219; 9:30 am, Vulcan Consulate, San Francisco**  
  
Severon had been working in the mail department of the Vulcan Consulate on Earth for 12.5 years and he had completed his job with the utmost of professionalism for the entirety of that time. He would ensure the safety of the members of the Consulate and his people by whatever means were necessary. Lately that need had grown more urgent. At least twice a month for the last eight months the Consulate had been receiving packages from a human addressed specifically to Ambassador Sarek’s son. As was his duty Severon had been opening and reading each of the letters in order to verify that they were not a threat. So far he had been unable to forward any of the letters. Each one seemed to be designed to provoke an unacceptable emotional response from S'chn T'gai Spock and that would shame the entirety of the Vulcan people. The son of their Ambassador to Earth could not be seen as a flawed and emotional being. As such each letter had been deemed a threat and had been placed in a secure file. Neither S’chn T’gai Spock or Ambassador Sarek would ever be allowed to see the letters.

The latest letter was the biggest threat out of all the previous letters. Although many of the letters had contained information about a child that the writer, a human designated Jim, was stating belonged to Spock, Severon found no incontrovertible proof that the human was telling the truth. This last letter however made it clear that Severon may have been wrong. The letter had contained a notice of birth with Spock listed as the legal Father of a child designated Gabriel Erestor Kirk born 24 of December 2249. The file had contained a series of photographs of the child, whose physical resemblance to the Ambassador’s son was quit noticeable as well as a document showing the genetic proof that the child was the biological son of S’chn T’gai Spock and the human James Tiberius Kirk.

It was something that Severon knew he could not allow to see the light of day. Such a shame as an illegitimate child born from two men of separate species and neither of them legally an adult would bring far too many political complications to the fore at a time when the people of Vulcan could ill afford them. As such the letter had been resealed and placed with all the others in a specially locked file cabinet that only he and the head of security for the Consulate had access to.  
  
  
*~*~*~*  
 

 **July 2250; Kirk Family Farms, Riverside, Iowa**  
  
Two years had passed fairly quickly. Still, Jim wasn't exactly that excited about it because today Dr's Phlox and O'Neill's paper about him and his gender transformation and subsequent pregnancy was appearing in the Federation Scientific Journal. It was one of the most important scientific journals in the Federation and thousands of people would be reading it. While it was true that they had changed his name in the published article Jim was still worried that someone would put the pieces together and figure out that subject X was actually James T Kirk. It wouldn't be that hard honestly. All they would need to do would be to scan through all the birth certificates until they found one with two make names listed. After that all they needed was to read the names and then a shit storm would crash down on Jim's little world. Jim could practically see the headlines ... Kelvin Baby Turns Female to Have Alien Baby! ... Hero's Son Impregnated by Vulcan!...There were so many more and some off world papers would probably come up with something really lewd.

He had suffered enough as a child with the media following him around every year on the anniversary of the Kelvin Disaster. They had made sure it was never his birthday, that it would always be the day his Dad died. Jim didn't want Gabriel to suffer that but he knew the paper had great scientific worth. To deny his friends the opportunity to publish a paper that could revolutionize the medical field would be a sin in Jim's mind. So he was preparing himself for the worst and hoping for the best.

"Daddy!"

Jim smiled at his son. Two years old and already talking enough to order his Daddy and Uncles around. Aurelan and Grandpa Paul seemed the only ones not wrapped tightly around his little angel's finger. Scott and Jim were the worst though. There was nothing that Gabriel could do that seemed to make them any less his minions. It was fortunate for them that Gabriel really was such an angel. Otherwise Jim was sure he would have gotten them all in trouble with the law, not that Jim needed any help with that.

"Daddy! Up!" Gabriel held out his arms, wiggling his little baby fingers at Jim.

With a wide smile Jim scooped up his son and spun him around. Gabriel let out a loud bell like laugh and cuddled into his father. Jim pressed his face into his son hair and took a deep breath. He didn't think he would ever tire of the smell of clean baby.

"Where's Auntie Aurelan?"

"Auntie is outside, Daddy! We gonna have pie!"

"Are we now?"

Gabriel smiled widely and wiggled, trying to get down. "Play now, Daddy?"

"Let me get cleaned up first and then we can play."

Gabriel smiled up at him before turning and running towards the kitchen. Jim followed behind checking to see if anyone was inside. Sure enough little Peter was sitting at the table with some peanut butter crackers. Jim wandered over to give his nephew a quick kiss to the forehead. The door across from the table creaked and Jim watched the door to the mudroom open. Aurelan stepped in with a small tin filled with fresh fruit in her hands. Aurelan gave Jim a smile and a warm hello as she closed the door and moved to set the tin down.

"Did you have a good day at work?"

"Not bad. It's nice to get to do some physical labor every now and then. I mean I love working with Mr. Freedman but it gets so confining just sitting at the reception desk all day. It gives me a great amount of free time to finish up my online classes but I just get so bored!"

Aurelan chuckled. "Well, despite it being boring I am glad you have a good job with Mr. Freedman at the Vet Clinic and at Mr. Blockman's Garage."

"Me to. Anyway," Jim pulled at his grease stained shirt. "I'm going to head upstairs and shower. I'll be clean and ready for dinner in about twenty minutes."

"Alright. I'll keep an eye on the boys." Aurelan turned to look at Jim as he headed up the stairs. "I can't promise to keep little Gabriel out of your bath though!"

Jim couldn't help but laugh as he finished climbing the stairs and headed for the Master suite. His son had a habit of following his Father into the bath every time Jim tried to have one. It was a bit daunting at first but at the same time Jim really loved it. It wouldn’t be long before Gabriel thought he was too old to share his Daddy’s bath so Jim figured he need to enjoy them while they lasted.

The master suite had been thoroughly cleaned, repainted and redecorated a few months after Gabriel was born. Although he had planed to have Sam, Aurelan and Peter stay there until they had their place ready, they had insisted instead that Jim have that room, the boys stay in Jim’s old room and that Sam and Aurelan would use the guest room. He had argued that she and Sam should have the room but the two had been comfortable enough in the guest room after they had remodeled it to have it's own bathroom. Jim knew that if he hadn't nearly been killed the day his son was born they would have bought the small house they had been looking at. Instead they had remained in the small family home with Jim. There was something comfortable about that, knowing that his son was here with Aurelan and was happily waiting for Jim to come home.

Still, there was a lot he couldn’t do for his son on his limited income no matter how much help he received. But soon enough he would have completed his Bachelors Degree in Computer Science and Engineering and then he could get a better job and maybe even try for his doctorate. His minors in Classic Earth Literature and Philosophy had been completed for over a year now and he was in fact tempted to try for another. But he had to think of his son and how much time would be spent working on those degrees and how that would affect Gabriel. He never wanted to do anything that would harm his son, even if it was only emotional and not physical.

Jim set his dirty cloths in the hamper and the clean cloths on the counter top. Moving over to the shower he tested the water coming to make sure it wasn’t too clod or hot. It was hot, too hot for his son, but he could get in and get the oil and grease washed off and then when Gabriel snuck in they could relax in a bubble bath together before diner.

It didn’t take more than five minutes to scrub the sludge from his skin and out of his hair, but by the time he had stepped out of the shower and started to fill the bathtub with clean water, Gabriel was there sitting on the floor by the door watching him. Jim smiled at the sight of his naked son. Gabriel had already pulled off his cloths, leaving a trail of them from the bathroom and into the bedroom and likely to the hallways as well. His stuff companion Leonard the leopard was clutched tightly to his chest, little jade stone eyes staring up at Jim.

“Is Leonard taking a bath tonight as well?”

“No, Daddy! Le’nard is gonna stay here an watch, he’s not dirty.”

“Ah, so Leonard stayed clean and out of trouble today, did he?” Jim leaned down to ruffle his son’s silky black hair. “Did you stay out of trouble for Auntie Aurelan as well.”

Gabriel smiled up at his Daddy, his blue eyes alight with mischief. “Of course, Daddy! I’ma good boy!”

Jim laughed and lifted Gabriel up into his arms, carefully setting Leonard on his pile of clean sweats and a t-shirt. “What kind of bubbles do you want tonight, my angel?”

“V’nilla!”

“Alright then. Do you want to pour them in?”

“Yeah! I can pour, Daddy!” Gabriel squirmed in Jim’s arms reaching out for the bottle of Vanilla scented bubble bath that was sitting on the shelf next to the bath.

“Alright, but not too much.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

Jim set Gabriel down in the bath where he went about pouring the bubble bath into the water, giggling as the bubbles began to rise. Jim had to quickly reach out to take the bottle away before he ended up with a bathroom filled to the ceiling with bubbles. Gabriel smiled at him and waited patiently for Jim to climb into the tub and sit down, before he sat in the water as well, his pale little back resting against Jim’s chest. Gabriel leaned his head back against Jim’s chest, looking up at him with a smile. Jim smiled and ran his hands through his son’s hair. Gabriel closed his eyes and leaned into the touch and Jim couldn’t help the warmth that filled him at the soft brush of his son’s mind against his own.

All was right in the world.  
 

 

*~*~*~*

 

**Two Weeks Later; Kirk Family Farm, Riverside, Iowa**

  
“…so then Cadet Mitchell bet the Instructor that we could all pass the survival exam without his aid. So of course Professor M’Riss decided that next month when we take the survival final it’ll be a real life test rather than a simulator. Of course we all groaned because Professor M’Riss always goes on and on about Death Valley so it’s basically a given that that will be where the test takes place. So now Cadet Mitchell is in the shit hole with the rest of the class.” Scott laughed, shaking his head. “Dude will be lucky if he can get laid at all in the next few months. Honestly the guy is an ass, thinks way too highly of himself. One of those guys that thinks he’s better than the rest of us and can do no wrong. Doesn’t help that some of the Professor’s bend over backwards for him because they want to study his high Esper rating.”

“Damn, sounds like you’re going to be having a lot of fun.” Jim laughed as well and took a long drink of his cola.

“Yeah, it’s not too bad. You know, Jim, you really should join up. There is so much that you can do with Starfleet and with that brain of yours that you’ll never be able to do in Riverside. You would make a great Science Officer or maybe even a Captain one day.”

Jim looked down into his drink, his amusement quickly dissipating. “I know, Scott. But I have to think about Gabriel and I don’t want him to be stuck waiting for me to come home like I was always waiting for my Mom. It was a horrible feeling, that waiting and I don’t want him to think I’m abandoning him.”

“Jesus, Jim. Little Legolas wouldn’t ever think that. That kid thinks the sun shines out your ass and you dote on him so much I doubt it would never enter his little mind that you could be that kind of bastard.”

“Still…Maybe when he is older, ready to start school.”

“Alright, just promise me to think on it because I don’t want to see you trapped in that little town wasting away.”

“I promise to think on it.”

“Good.” Scott smiled out at Jim. “Now where is that Godson of mine?”  
 

*~*~*~*

 

**August 2250; Kirk Family Farm, Riverside, Iowa**

 

Jim sighed as he stepped into his house. It had been a long day of work at the Vet Clinic. Katie Everson’s boston terrier had been brought in after suffering a pretty bad seizure. Katie, who had been two years behind him in school (although still older) had been one of the few people who had been kind to Jim when he had skipped ahead grades. So seeing her standing there with her dog looking as if her world had just fallen out from under her had been hard. But Mr. Freedman was an excellent vet and medicine had come a long way. While Hendrix wasn’t ever going to be completely healthy they were able to minimize the damage he suffered from the seizures. After that it had been a pregnant cat, a pair of dogs that had gotten into a scuffle, some kind of weird lizard from Polemus IV with a skin rash and a call out to one of the nearby dairy farms. So all together a very hectic day. Still, he was glad to be home.

“Daddy!”

“Oof!” Jim smiled down at Gabriel where he stood with his strong little arms clutching Jim’s pant leg. “Hey there, my angel. Have you been good today?”

“Uh huh!” Gabriel smiled and grabbed Jim’s hand, his mind filling Jim’s with warmth and love. “Gran’pa Paul is alwedy here, Daddy! An’ Uncle Scott called dis morning from the desert!”

“He did? Did you get up to talk to him?”

“Uh huh! An’ he called me Legolas again and den Uncle Sam yelled’ed at him dat my name was Ewestor not Legolas!” Gabriel laughed, his eyes sparkling with mirth.

“And did you tell them your name was Angel?”

“Daddy! My names Gabriel not angel!”

“Ah, but you’re my angel aren’t you, little love?”

“Of course!” Gabriel hugged tightly to him. “A’ways Daddy’s angel!”

“That’s good to hear.” Jim set Gabriel back on his feet, taking his hand into his own. “Why don’t we go see Grandpa Paul and Uncle Sam.”

“Ok, Daddy.”

Letting Gabriel lead him towards the formal sitting room at the back of the house where Mr. Freedman sat with Aurelan and Sam, Jim couldn’t help but chuckle at his son’s enthusiasm. Jim hadn’t been sure what to expect of a two year old but it certainly wasn’t what he had gotten. Dr. Phlox who still came to visit at least three times a year had simply smiled and told Jim that Gabriel was quit normal for a Vulcan child and that he needed to try to worry less. Jim doubted however, that he could worry any less in regards to his son. He was in fact sure that at some point he would begin to worry even more. Gabriel was just too kind hearted and he wanted to touch everything and meet everyone and Jim was worried that someday he would let his guard down and Gabriel would be snatched away by a man like Frank.

“Hey, everyone.” Jim dropped into a free chair on Mr. Freedman’s left and lifted Gabriel into his lap. “Margaret Taylor called just before we closed. She needed to set up an appointment for you to come by tomorrow to take a look at her mare, she thinks she might be pregnant.”

“When did she get a stallion,” Mr. Freedman looked at Jim confused.

“She didn’t. Mr. Colesen’s prime breeding stallion broke out of the back fence and wandered over to Ms. Taylor’s farm.”

Mr. Freedman groaned. “I hate that man. How many times does he have to do that? God, if that mare is pregnant it’s going to be nothing but trouble, mark my words.”

“Yeah, he is a bit of a conniving old man.”

Mr. Freedman chuckled. “God, Jim, if he’s old what does that make me? William Colesen graduated from high school three years after I did.”  
Jim smiled, “I guess that makes you really old, eh Grandpa.”

Mr. Freedman laughed and shook his head and watched as Gabriel scooted off Jim’s lap to the floor where Peter was pushing around a toy truck and making “vroom vroom” noises. The two boys immediately started to play together and Jim, Sam and Mr. Freedman couldn’t help but smile. It was almost as if the two were brothers rather than cousins, but that could easily be explained by them living in the same house and sharing the same bedroom. They were going to grow up and have close ties to each other, which was nice, since at the moment both were only children. Mr. Freedman silently hoped that one day Jim and his Spock would get back together and there would be more siblings for Gabriel as there were sure to be more for Peter.

The vidphone in the kitchen rang and Jim could hear Aurelan moving to answer it, her soft barely heard above the sounds of the two toddlers. But Jim, could hear it now, something about the call had upset her. Her voice had gone cold, almost lifeless as she continued to talk to whoever was on the other end. Sam and Mr. Freedman seemed to have realized as well. Sam stood and started to head to the kitchen when they heard the sound of Aurelan hanging up and coming towards them.

As she stepped in the room Jim could see the tears racing down her cheeks and the way her hands were trembling as the gripped at the hem of her apron. “I think we should…we should talk in the other room.” She glanced down at the oblivious children and then turned to quickly head into the kitchen proper.  
Sam was the first to follow, reaching out and turning her to face him. “What’s wrong, ‘rue?”

Aurelan closed her eyes, tears still streaming freely. “That was Captain Komack on the phone from Starfleet.” Aurelan sniffled and looked up at Mr. Freedman, her eyes full of grief.

“No,” his voice came out week almost a whisper. “Scott…”

Jim stepped up and grabbed Mr. freedman’s elbow, trying to keep him from collapsing. “What did Captain Komack say?”

“Scott was on a field survival training exercise out in Death Valley and there was a accident. The Captain said that there was an earthquake and Scott when some of his training team were caught unprepared. He said Scott died while protecting one of the other cadets from some equipment that exploded.”  
Jim shivered and felt the world drop out from under him. His vision grayed around the edges and his heart suddenly felt like it was being clamped in a vise, stopping it from beating even as he leaned over his knees gasping for breath. He was vaguely aware of a warm weight resting against his side. Mr. Freedman, who, like Jim, must have collapsed upon hearing the news.

“Daddy…” The sound of his son’s voice trembling with fear pulled Jim up out of his pain. “Daddy?”

“It’s okay, Gabriel. Daddy is okay.” Gabriel toddled over as fast as he could, clinging to Jim and watching his Grandpa with wide frightened blue eyes.

“Gran’pa Paul hurt, Daddy?”

“Yes, baby, Grandpa is hurt but he’ll be okay…we’ll all be okay.” Jim clutched at his son, rocking back and forth and trying not to cry and scare Gabriel any further.

Sam and Aurelan leaned into them and whispering reassurance. Their tears mingling together as they led Mr. Freedman upstairs to the master bedroom to rest and grieve away from Peter and Gabriel. Aurelan spoke softly, telling him he would stay here with them and Jim agreed saying he would camp out with the boys. Mr. Freedman just nodded still wanting to refute what Captain Komack had called about. He didn’t want to believe that his son was gone away to the heavens with his Mother.

“Don’t worry, just rest and we’ll get everything squared away.” Jim swallowed back a sob. “I’ll call Starfleet back and see what we can do about getting Scott back home.”

Mr. Freedman just nodded and collapsed onto the bed, pulling a pillow to his chest.

Jim turned to leave and caught sight of his son standing awkwardly in the doorway, big eyes full of tears. Jim walked over and dropped to his knees in front of Gabriel and ran his hands over Gabriel’s face. “Grandpa Paul is going to stay here for a while so I’m going to play sleepover with you and Peter okay.”  
“Okay, Daddy.” Gabriel watched on confused and saddened by the way all the adults were acting. He could feel it, the overwhelming grief that was swallowing them up, with each gentle caress of their hands on his face or through his hair. Something bad had happened and they weren’t talking.

Peter, who had gotten up and followed behind Gabriel clung to his Mother’s legs, sucking on his thumb, his eyes wide as they watched his Mother cry into his Father’s shoulder. He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand and he didn’t like seeing everyone acting like this. “Mama…”

“It’s…it’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”  
 

*~*~*~*

 

 **September 2250; Starfleet Academy, San Francisco**  
  
The funeral had been a depressing affair for everyone. Nearly the entire town had turned out, filling the old church to overflowing with townies and Scott’s fellow Cadets. But Jim had been glad to see that so many people had cared for Scott. To see them all come to Riverside grieving and remembering, sharing stories about Scott to keep him fresh and alive in everyone’s hearts. And now two and a half weeks later they had arrived in San Francisco and Starfleet Academy where a memorial service was being held for all the Cadets and Staff who had been unable to go to the funeral in Riverside. Jim hadn’t been certain he would want to attend. To go to a place that had been a part of Scott’s life but not his own. To go to a place that Scott had so badly wanted Jim to come to with him. It felt wrong to be here now. He didn’t want to be here, standing on the grounds of a place that had stolen his Father and Mother from him and that had now stolen away Scott as well.

Gabriel tightened his hold around Jim’s neck and Jim shook himself loose from the depressing thoughts. He had to be more careful. Gabriel and Peter were to young to really understand what death was but they understood that Uncle Scott had gone away and wasn’t coming back and that it was making everyone sad. That in turn made them sad, especially Gabriel who had formed a close bond with Scott. It also didn’t help that his touch telepathy was very strong and Jim was starting to think that his son was actually picking up certain emotions and thoughts without being in physical contact. He would have to speak with Dr. Phlox before they left, to see if he could measure Gabriel’s telepathy on the Esper scale.

Captain Komack and his aid, a commander Pike, met them at the entrance to Starfleet Academy. Jim wasn’t sure what he expected of the Captain who had called to announce Scott’s death but he wasn’t quit sure this old man, his hair already a pure white, face lined with deep wrinkles, was it. He hadn’t expected an air of age to hover over the man, and Jim got the idea that he didn’t like being a Captain at his age. The Commander was different though. Something about him drew Jim in, pulled him from the depression that was starting to settle in his bones. This man was a leader, someone troops would march into Hell for, Jim was sure of it. He could see what Scott had told him was true, Commander Pike was someone to respect and to fear if you were of the wrong side of a battle. There was honest grief in this man’s eyes, Scott’s death haunting him as every other death must have. It didn’t rule him though. He felt it and accepted it and Jim could tell he would be able to move on.

“Dr. Freedman,” Captain Komack stuck his hand out, grasping the much darker hand in his own. “I am sorry that we have to meet under such unfortunate circumstances. Your son was a fine young man with a promising future.”

“Thank you,” even now Mr. Freedman’s voice was too soft, too fragile for the strong man Jim had known for most of his life.

“Commander Pike is going to escort you to the where the service will take place. We still have an hour before it begins so please feel free to ask the Commander for anything you may need.”

Mr. Freedman nodded and turned to face Commander Pike. “I would like to see the memorial wall before the service, Commander.”

“Of course.” Commander Pike saluted Captain Komack and directed their little group to follow him. “While we are waiting would you like any food or drink?”

Sam and Aurelan shook their heads no, and little Peter feeling shy hid his face in his Mother’s shoulder. Jim stroked Gabriel’s back and placed a soft kiss to his son’s forehead just below the edge of his knit cap. “We’re good for now. But if at all possible I would like to speak with Dr. Phlox before we leave.”  
Commander Pike looked a bit startled but nodded. “I’ll see what can be arranged.”

The rest of the walk was fairly quiet. There were a few cadets walking from one building to another but for the most part they were alone as the walked along the stone path. The campus, Jim was sad to realize, was every bit as lovely as Scott had said. The buildings were all made out of a nearly pure white stone and had a hint of classical Greek style to them, the courtyards between buildings were large and covered in a thick carpet of lush green grass, flowering trees and little stone benches. The largest of the courtyards held a large man made pool of water and in the center was a marble and gold statue of the First Contact between Humans and Vulcans, the figure of Zefram Cochrane holding his hand out to the Vulcan, whose hand was held up in the traditional Vulcan greeting, were massive. The statue was probably about a good 50 feet tall. Even from here Jim could see the plaque mentioning the date and the beings involved in creating the Federation. It was a nice statue if a bit ostentatious. Jim had never seen the memorial wall which held the names of every member of Starfleet who died in the line of duty, but he hoped it was a bit less grandiose than the First Contact memorial.

Sam and Aurelan paused and stared at the statues before following Commander Pike past the memorial down the tree-lined path between two of the larger buildings. Jim took up the rear, watching everyone marching sadly through these beautiful grounds like ghosts.

The end of the path opened up into a courtyard surrounded on all sides by high hedges that created a large circular garden. In the center was the memorial. It was everything Jim thought a true memorial should be. It was bold in size and sad in color, the deep dark black of the stone glaring back at them. The large stone wall was perhaps eight feet tall and curved into a pattern which Jim was sure formed the outline of the Starfleet emblem when looked at from above.

There was already rows of folding seats set up, stretching from the walls of the garden up the small podium set up in front of the memorial wall. Jim bypassed them all, walking steadily into the memorial, starting into the mirrored, black stone at the row upon row of silver etched names. Each name looked to have been carefully hand carved and there below the name was the rank and ship that each member had died serving upon. Jim felt his eyes filling with tears again and ruthlessly pushed the nearly overwhelming emotions down. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them and catching sight of his pale, weary reflection gazing back at him from behind the long list of names.

“Is his name already up here,” Jim asked turning to look back at Commander Pike.

“Not yet. They will actually carve it on the wall during the ceremony.”

“Okay,” Jim nodded and carefully set a yawning Gabriel down on the ground, still holding tightly to his little hand. “This is the wall were Uncle Scott is going to be remembered.”

Gabriel rubbed at his eyes and looked up at the large wall. His mouth opened in a little “o” as he leaned in towards it. “It’s shiny.”

Jim chuckled lightly and Mr. Freedman reached down to press his hand lightly on Gabriel’s head, sliding his woolen cap to the side. Commander Pike tried not to pay too much attention. He didn’t want to intrude on their private moment but the sight of those little pointed ears drew his attention. A Vulcan child! A Vulcan child but no Vulcan adult was traveling with them? Commander Pike was about ready to pull them aside and demand some answers when the warm sound of Dr. Phlox’s voice cut through the air like a scale. Pike turned around startled, to look at the elderly Denobulan as he strode through the garden into the memorial. The doctor flash Pike a brief smile and a stern look before facing the grieving party.

The young Vulcan toddler gave out a joyful sounding cry as pulled loose from the blonde young man’s hand and rushed towards Dr. Phlox, squealing loudly as he was lifted into the air. “Ah, young Gabriel, out and about today, I see. Are you enjoying your trip?”

“Yes!” Gabriel bounced excitedly in the doctor’s arms. “Daddy said we at Stawfeet where Uncle Scott an’ you went away to.”

“That’s right, we are at Starfleet. Have Peter and you been on your good boy behavior?”

“Uh huh. We good boys,” Piped up Peter from where he was standing between his parents.

“Yeah! We good boys, Uncle Phlox!”

“I am most pleased to hear that. Perhaps the two of you would like to go for some lunch and ice cream before the service?” Dr. Phlox glanced over to Jim and Sam, who both nodded. They could see that Mr. Freedman still needed some time alone.

“That sounds like a plan, Doc.” Jim smiled at his son who was busy tracing the ridges along Dr. Phlox’s temples. “The boys could probably use a quick bite to eat and Gabriel was due for a check up anyway.”

“Nooo,” whined Gabriel. “Don’ like hyposprays!”

“Neither do I, my angel, but you Uncle Phlox wouldn’t hurt you.”

Gabriel pouted and looked back to Dr. Phlox. “No ouchies.”

“I will endeavor to keep you ouchie free,” replied Dr. Phlox.

“Okay. But Peter go first and then we get ice cream!”

“Perhaps,” Jim leaned over to plant a kiss on his son’s temple. “Peter doesn’t need to see the doctor. He got to go see Dr. O’Neill last week, remember.”

Aurelan placed her hand gently on Mr. Freedman’s shoulder and spoke softly to him as Sam, and got the boys together and ready to follow Dr. Phlox’s suggestions on where to go for lunch. Mr. Freedman barely nodded his understanding, his mind so lost in the reflection staring back at him from the monument. Jim felt bad about leaving Mr. Freedman alone in his grief, even if only for an hour. But he knew the man well enough to know he needed that hour alone to pull himself together and to finally allow him to accept that Scott was gone and it was time to begin moving on.

So they had left him there in the shadow of the gravestone for so many of Starfleet’s finest. They had left and Commander Pike had silently followed them like a shadow, never quite joining in. He simply stood to the side watching silently and shepherding away anyone who tried to approach them as they ate. And so the next hour had past without incident and as they had crossed the central courtyard to the dinning hall earlier, so they returned. It was more active now, however. There was a sea of red and black clad bodies heading through the courtyard to where the memorial was. Not being particularly fond of the idea of merging into the crowd with two small children their group had hung back, waiting for the tail of the press of bodies to pass.

Eventually they had all been seated and Admiral Archer had stepped up to begin the proceedings. Jim wasn’t sure what he had expected but it hadn’t been the long and heart felt speech. As the admiral had stepped down a series of professors had stood and one by one they had come before the mass of mourners and spoken of the young man they knew from their classes. They spoke of emotion, of honor and of the shared grief that would linger in all their hearts. And as the last of the professors had stepped down, a line of cadets had risen to fill the void behind the podium.

The memorial service was long. Longer by far than Jim had thought it would be. There had been a surprisingly large amount of professors and cadets who had stepped up to speak. And then Admiral Archer had stood and invited Mr. Freedman to come up and talk to them about his son and the assembly of people had become hushed with anticipation of what he would say. By the time Mr. Freedman had finished speaking Jim had found himself once again quietly crying. When Mr. Freedman had returned to his seat he had looked more at piece than he had since they had first heard about Scott’s death. And for that Jim could thank Starfleet even if he still held them to blame for not taking more caution with their cadets. But he knew Scott would be sad that Jim did not get up to speak for him as well. So biting back his anger at the very people who filled the seats before him, he closed his eyes and imagined that it was only him and his family here.

“How can we honor the memory of a man like Scott Freedman?...I have been asking myself that question everyday since I first heard that he had been taken from our lives far too early. I thought and I thought and nothing ever seemed to make the grief go away. It was like a black hole forming where my heart should be.” Jim took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “I tried telling myself that he would want me to be strong. That Scott wouldn’t want us to spend so much time mourning him when we should be living. But it didn’t make the pain any easier. And then I found something of Scott’s. Something that we had spent so many nights watching together. And as I sat there watching it all over again, one of the characters said something that made me pause and think. I spent so much time thinking about what his death meant to me and how it was the end of Scott. And then…then this one character from this old sitcom says something that makes it all seem so much easier to accept.”

Jim lifted his head and looked out over the crowd. “Scott was governed by the laws of physics as are all living things. It is a scientific fact that hearts and clocks slow down as they approach the speed of light, the point at which matter is converted into energy. Scott’s heart approached that speed on the evening of August 21 at 4:57 according to the coroner, converting his matter into energy, into pure white light. Though he is no longer with us, he is all around us.” As Jim stood there looking out at his family and the people who claimed to love Scott, he felt the last hint of loss release. His hold on Scott relaxing enough to finally let go. To accept his best friends passing into whatever it was that waited for them after their bodies gave in to that eternal slumber. “He will be missed but he is not gone. He is still a part of us in our memory and now he is a part of this universe in a way that we cannot yet understand. And one day, although we know not when, we will join him out there.”

Licking his lips Jim dipped his head and turned away from the crowd, moving swiftly back to his seat. He was here for Scott and his family. The rest of them…well the rest of them could rot.

 

*~*~*~*  
 

 **August 21, 2255; Riverside Shipyard Bar, Iowa**  
  
The Riverside Shipyard Bar commonly referred to, as the Red Dwarf by the townies was one of the few bars in the area that catered to both Starfleet personnel and locals. This often caused many problems for the owner, as there were always a few young bucks on either side that felt the need to prove themselves superior to the other. This of course led to a high turnover in tables, chairs and other pieces of furniture. It was something every bar owner knew to expect and they knew how to watch for trouble. And as every year for the last five years, the Sal bar tender at the Red Dwarf knew that tonight was going to be a bad night the moment he saw the date circled in red on the calendar. Sure enough two hours after opening for the night the figure that haunted the bar every August 21st darkened his doorway.

“Damn it, Kirk. Why do you always have to come here when you want to get wasted?”

Jim gave Sal a one fingered salute and slumped down on a stool at the bar. “You know why. Fuck man just give a double shot of jack and keep ‘em coming.”  
  
Sal let out a deep, rattling sigh. “Be damn thankful I liked Scott, Kirk.” Sal poured the two shots setting them in front of Jim and watched as the blond tossed them back quick as you please. “Just try not to cause too much damage this year. I don’t want to get told off by that little elfling of yours again this year.”

Jim snorted and reached out for the bottle of beer Sal set in front of him. “I’ll try but no promises.”

“Tell it to your kid, Jim. There are people that worry about you and coming here to do this every year is no better ‘n spittin’ on his grave.”

Jim let his eyes lower to the bar top and ran his finger around the sides of his bottle. He was still sitting there five minutes later when an alien with a rather long face and some kind of…well, Jim wasn’t sure of a polite way to describe the lumps. Bumps and oddly placed hair on his head. The alien glanced at him and leaned over the bar motioning for one of the tall glasses filled with the amber ale another patron at the far side of the bar of was drinking. Sal waved in confirmation and pulled down a glass and filled it before sliding it across the bar.

As the next hour passed the bar began to liven up as more and more kids dressed in Cadet reds began to fill the bar. Soon enough the townies were being out numbered, crowded into dark corners of the bar. Jim hated that it was the same every time he came here. The Fleeters all pushing the rest of them out of the way without even acknowledging them. It was irritating in the extreme, but Jim had gotten a bit better about not setting himself up for a cadet beat down. He had promised Gabriel this year that he wouldn’t come home covered in bruises and blood stains. And if there was one thing he tried to do it was keep his word to his son. Without Spock in his life, Jim had to do everything he possibly could to give his son the best opportunities in life and being the town drunk wasn’t going to cut it. Not, of course that he was the town drunk. He only ever came out here to get drunk two nights of the year. The night he was born and the night Scott died.

A bottle of beer was set down in front of him as he slumped down in his seat and tried to ignore the thumping bass of the music pouring out of the speakers and the loud wave of chatter rising from the tables around the room. Thinking about Scott was going to make him morose, but then that was why he came to the bar.

“Hi. I’d like a Klavnian fire tea. Uhh…three Budweiser Classics, two Carrdassian Sunrises, and a…”

Jim felt a shiver go down his spine at the sound of the voice coming from his right, beyond the long-faced alien.

“Try the Slusho, it’s good.”

Jim looked up at Sal who was smiling at the voice. Sal looked slightly pale, and his smile seemed to have briefly faltered. It made Jim wonder what about the owner of that so familiar voice could have caused that look.

“The Slusho mix, thank you.”

“That’s a lot of drinks for one woman.” Jim leaned forward around the alien sitting next to him to catch a glimpse of the woman with the tall order. The sight of her made him dizzy and for a moment he wondered if this was all an alcohol induced dream. She was beautiful. Long black hair casually styled and left to hang down her back, sharp in contrast to the bright red of her cadet uniform.

“And a shot of Jack straight up,” she said as she glanced at him before looking away.

“Make that two, shots on me.” Jim wasn’t sure why he offered. He could tell by the way she looked at him that she thought no better of him than any other cadet thought of the townies.

“Her shot's on her.” She gave Jim a dirty look, which she seemed to quickly change into a false smile as she shook her head ‘no.’ “Thanks but no thanks.”

Jim scowled and looked away before looking back over to her. “Do you at least want to know my name before you completely reject me?”

She laughed slightly, her nose scrunching up just the way his had all those years ago. Her hands lifted up in front of her and she flared them out as if pushing him away before placing them palms down on the bar top. “I'm fine without it. “

“You are fine without it.” Jim waved his finger in the air and glanced back at the bar top suddenly uncomfortable with this girl who looked just like Scott had briefly during their senior year in high school. She was a ghost come to haunt him, surely. Too look that much like Scott had when he was a she. It hurt to look at her but he couldn’t stop talking. “It's Jim, Jim Kirk.” He paused again and a strange looked passed across her face. He wasn’t sure what that look was. Was it irritation? Amusement? Flirtation? Recognition? “If you don't tell me your name, I'm gonna have to make one up.”

“It’s Uhura.”

“Uhura, no way. That's the name I was gonna make up for ya. Uhura what?” The alien sitting between glanced over at Jim, looking as if he was trying to decide if Jim was crazy.

“Just Uhura.”

“They don't have last names on your world?” Suddenly Jim was tired. Tired of this game he was playing, pretending she was Scott.

“Uhura is my last name.” She looked as if she was giving up as well, as if she had realized this one pathetic townie was just too dumb to realize she was better than him, smarter than him.

“Well then, they don't have first names on your world?“ She laughed again as Jim stumbled over his own words. The alcohol buzzing dangerously around his brain. Sighing silently he leaned back on his stool and spun around circling behind the alien to take the empty seat on Uhura’s other side. “So, you're a Cadet, you're studying... what's your focus?”

“Xenolinguistics. You have no idea what that means,” her tone was scathing and Jim knew he was suddenly walking a very fine line.

“The study of alien languages, morphology, phonology, syntax. It means you've got a talented tongue.” Sometimes it really paid to pay attention to what Scott said when he had called home from the Academy.

Suddenly her expression changed as she realized that he had a brain and wasn’t just another hot farm boy from the sticks. “I'm impressed. For a moment there, I thought you were just a dumb hick who only has sex with farm animals.”

“Well, not only.” He grinned. Talking with Uhura really was like talking with Scott, at least now that she wasn’t acting like he was mentally handicapped anyway.

She started laughing, a real laugh. And as he watched her he couldn’t help but think this might be the first anniversary of Scott’s death that he wouldn’t drown his sorrows in liquor and have to have Sal call Mr. Freedman to come get him.

“This townie isn't bothering you, right?”

Jim turned to look at the hulking figure of a cadet that had snuck up behind them while they talked. The man was tall, taller than him by a couple inches and bald. Not a nice mixture of features. It left him looking like a hired thug even with those spiffy Cadet Reds on.

“Oh, beyond belief. But it's nothing I can't handle.” Uhura chuckled, shaking her head in amusement.

“You could handle me, that's an invitation.” Jim let his voice drop low as he crept a bit closer to Uhura.

“Hey! You better mind your manners.”

“Oh, relax cupcake, it was a joke.” Jim reached out and slapped the cadet’s shoulder before turning away to face the bar and his forgotten drink.

Cadet Cupcake grabbed Jim by the shoulder, spinning him around. “Hey, farmboy, maybe you can't count, but there are four of us and one of you.”

Jim eyed the three hulking figures that had drawn up behind their alpha male. God, Jim thought, it was like a really bad Neanderthal movie cast trying to play dress up.

Jim stood up and stepped into Cadet Cupcakes personal space a sneer spreading across his face. “Well, some more guys and then it'll be an even fight.” Jim reached up and patted Cupcake’s face even though he knew this was going to lead to the fight he had been trying to avoid. It was a personality flaw and he was aware of it, but he couldn’t back down from guys like this.

The thought about his promise to Gabriel flitted through his mind again and he turned away from the four cadets and back to the bar. Cupcake seemed to take that as an insult and grabbed Jim harshly yanking him back around to face him. As Jim’s face came into view cadet Cupcake pulled his arm back and punched Jim hard enough to draw blood and send him reeling into the bar.

“Stop it!” Uhura, seeming to realize that she had inadvertently started a bar fight by not taking the other cadet’s anger at one of the “townies” getting close to her seriously. “Stop it, all of you!”

Jim pushed himself up and spun around kicking the cadet in the abdomen hard enough to knock him back over a table and onto the floor. Before Jim could even really catch his breath back-up cadet number 2 rushed him, swinging wildly at him. Jim ducked and threw a punch sending him spinning off into the crowded tables. Cadet number three seeing the other two taken down charged and punched Jim, spinning him wildly back towards the bar and straight into Uhura. As his hand reached out to keep him from crashing head first into the bar they missed and instead slapped down over Uhura’s rather small, but pert breasts. Shit, now Jim knew this was really not going to end well. She was the closet thing he had to an ally in this fight and he was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be in his corner after this.

Scowling, Uhura thrust Jim back into the middle of the fight and the swinging arms of her would be rescuers. From there it was a chaotic dance of push and pull as he was punched and tossed around the room by the beta bullies, until one seemed to wise up and grabbed him, yanking his arms behind his back. It left him wide open to the attacks from the others and Jim hoped that he didn’t end up with any broken ribs. As suddenly as he was pinned he found he had an arm free and was close enough to the bar to grab his bear bottle and smash it over the head of one of his attackers. The other patrons gasped and moved further away, none willing to help him.

“Enough,” Uhura tried again to call them off as they kicked and punched him, throwing him to the flow. Unfortunately for Jim, they just ignored her.

He groaned, now sure that if he didn’t have internal bleeding he most certainly had several bruise ribs. A strong pair on hands grabbed him by the back of his leather jacket, lifting him off the floor like he was nothing more than a child’s toy doll. The room spun around him in a dizzy rush of colors, flashing lights and bright red blood. The one with the strong hands slammed him down on top of one of the now abandoned tables. He reached up, desperately trying to block the punches that came raining down on him and some small part of Jim wished that he would just pass out now. He couldn’t fight them all off on his own no matter what he jokingly said and no one here seemed to care that they were going to beat him to death.

God, he was really the worst father ever. He promised Gabriel and now he was breaking that promise. He never wanted to be the kind of father that broke his promises to his child.

“Guys, he's had enough!” Uhura stood by the bar, unwilling to get any closer to where Jim was being held down and beaten.

A loud, sharp whistle cut through the air, and everything in the bar went silent and still, the only sound in the now silent room being the rocking noise of a plate spinning on the floor where it fell.

Back-up Cadet number two released his hold on Jim’s shirt, dropping him back to the table top, his other hand still raised in a fist, the knuckles coated in Jim’s blood.

“Outside,” The Starfleet Officer standing in the doorway was dressed in the clean cut black uniform of an Academy Instructor. His voice was strong and serious without sounding harsh or cold as he eyed them down. “All of you. Now!”

Somewhere from the back of the room a cadet piped up, “Yes, sir!” En mass they all filled out past their instructor, heads dropped low in shame. As they moved past him Jim was vaguely aware of the various grumblings of “He wouldn’t even listen” and “What a freak!”

The instructor, who was beginning to look familiar, stepped closer. “You all right, son?”

“You can whistle really loud, you know that?” Not the wisest thing to say, but Jim figured he could be excused after nearly getting beaten to death by the man’s students.

 

*~*~*~*  
 

Ten minutes later found Jim a mite bit more sober and a little more relaxed as he sat across the table from Commander, now Captain, Pike drinking a glass of beer. The Captain was watching him as if he was some strange, exotic animal that had just done something completely unexpected. Although Jim was unsure what exactly the Captain had expected of him given they had only briefly met once five years ago and even then they hadn’t really talked.

“You know, I couldn't believe it when the bartender told me who you are.”

“Who am I, Captain Pike?”

“Your father's son.”

Suddenly Jim wasn’t so sure that he was glad for the rescue. The Captain just had to mention his Father. Everyone had to fucking compare him to his Father. He couldn’t be just Jim. He always had to be James T Fucking Kirk son of the late great hero George Kirk.

Jim turned away from the Captain to where Sal was cleaning up, raising his now empty glass. This was going to require more liquid courage he could already tell. “Can I get another one?”

“For my dissertation, I was assigned the USS Kelvin. Something I admired about your dad, he didn't believe in no-win scenarios.”

“Sure learned his lesson.”

“Well, it depends on how you define winning. You're here, aren't ya?”

“Thanks.” Jim nodded at Sal as he set the bottle down next to Jim.

“You know, that instinct to leap without looking, that was his nature too, and in my opinion, it's something Starfleet's lost.”

“Why are you talking to me, man?”

“Cause I looked up your file while you were drooling on the floor. Your aptitude tests are off the charts, so what is it? You like being the only genius-level repeat offender in the midwest?”

Oh, so the Captain was going to go there as well. Well, he certainly didn’t know what Jim had been arrested for if he was going to spout out that claptrap of bullshit that had been left in some official file. “Maybe I love it.”

“Look, so your dad dies. You can settle for less than an ordinary life. Or do you feel like you were meant for something better?” Captain Pike paused trying to look through Jim’s eyes to find what had motivated the young man to allow himself to go down this path to ruin. “Something special? Enlist in Starfleet.”

“Enli—“ Jim broke off laughing. “You guys must be way down in your recruiting quota for the month.”

“If you're half the man your father was Jim, Starfleet could use you. You could be an officer in four years. You could have your own ship in eight. You understand what the Federation is, don't you? It's important. It's a peacekeeping and humanitarian armada.”

“We done?” Fuck Starfleet. Jim was trying to work past his anger issues, but he wasn’t going to be able to blindly trust the “peacekeeping and humanitarian armada” that had killed his Father and Scott and left his Mother to rot in some crazy house on the moon.

“I'm done. Riverside Shipyard. The shuttle for new recruits leaves tomorrow oh-eight hundred.” Jim raised his glass at the Captain as the man stood, before setting it on the table with a soft clack. “You know, your father was Captain of a starship for twelve minutes. He saved eight hundred lives, including your mother's. And yours. I dare you to do better.”

Captain Pike gave Jim one last piercing look before turning away from Jim and walking out of the bar. Jim watched him go feeling as if the world had froze for a moment at the Captain’s dare. Looking down at the table Jim saw the saltshaker resting next to his empty glass. It sat there silently taunting him with memories of a man who everyone said was better than Jim was. A man who everyone told him would be disappointed with how Jim’s life was turning out. The Kelvin-shaped saltshaker stared back at Jim like the abyss, drawing him into the darkness of his own thoughts and fears.

Standing slowly, his body protesting every move Jim left the bar, the saltshaker clutched tightly in his hand. This wasn’t something that could be decided as easily as the Captain thought. Jim could move past his anger if he had the right motivation. But that meant nothing if his son told him not to go. No matter how the stars called to him. No matter if going up there meant he might find Spock again, none of it was as important as what was right for his son.

Mr. Freedman was up and waiting for him when he pulled his bike into the drive at his old family farm. His Father’s house. The house that had raised countless generations of Kirk’s. His home. His son’s home. Could he give it up? Could he give up seeing his son everyday if it meant getting a job that could pay for his son to attend a school that wouldn’t leave him as bored as Jim had been at that age?  
  
“Jim. You look like shit.”

Jim let out a gusty sigh and collapsed into his favorite chair by the fireplace in the library and looked over to Mr. Freedman who was laying out on the couch a book resting on his lap. “I didn’t start it.”

Mr. Freedman turned his head to look at him. “You never do.” He took a deep breath and glanced at the clock on the table by his feet. “Little Legolas won’t be happy to see you looking like this.”

“I know and I’ll explain it to him, but first…” Jim ran his hands through his hair. “I need your advice.”

Mr. Freedman sat up, watching Jim carefully. Studying the heavy look filling Jim’s eyes. “Alright. What can I help you with?”

“Do you remember that guy from Scott’s memorial, Commander Pike?” Jim waited for Mr. Freedman to agree. “He broke up the fight and challenged me to join Starfleet and to do better than Dad.”

“And you worry about what joining Starfleet would mean for Gabriel.”

“Pretty much, yeah. I don’t want him to think I abandoned him and I don’t know how I could think myself a good Father if I join and get shuffled off onto some long mission where I won’t get to see him except through a vidcall. I can’t do that to him…but…but the money I could get as an officer would ensure he could get the best education possible.”

“It is a tough decision to make, but you should be aware that no matter what you chose to do, your son and I will be proud of you. We won’t stop loving you.”  
  
 

*~*~*~*  


**August 22, 2255; 8:00 am, Riverside Shipyard**

 

The fields whizzed by in a blur but it didn’t matter. He had spent most of the night awake and thinking. Writing up list after list of pros and cons, trying to decide what he should do. In the end Gabriel had decided for him. So here he was watching the sun rise over the fields and the mountain of metal that was the unfinished USS Enterprise. He stopped for a moment to simply stare at the ship that would be the first to be complete in the shipyard built in memory of his Father’s sacrifice. It suddenly seemed wrong for anyone but another Kirk to Captain her. After a moment, he revved the bikes engine and road through the gates, past guards and cadets, toward the recruits' shuttle.

Jim pulled the bike up to the front of the shuttle, quickly turning it off as he spotted Captain Pike standing in the open doorway to the shuttle. An engineer passing by, pulled off his safety helmet and paused to look at the bike, the envy obvious in his eyes.

“Nice ride, man.”

It took only a moment to turn off the engines and take out the keys. Jim looked up at the lanky, grease-covered man with the kind smile and tossed the keys into his safety helmet. “It’s yours.”

The man spun around to watch Jim walk passed him to where Captain Pike was, a startled look on his face.

“Four years? I'll do it in three.” Jim knew he sounded like a smart-assed little punk but he didn’t care. He was tired and sore and more than a little heartsick already at having to leave Gabriel here in Riverside for the school year.

The inside of the shuttle was cramped and crowded with cadets squished into rows of tiny seats. Still he couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his face. This was the beginning of his future.

He glanced around trying to locate a free seat and ended up walking into a bulkhead, which was both physically and emotionally painful. He just hope no one saw that or if they did, that they laughed it off and then promptly forgot it. Ducking under the bulkhead and went down one isle, saluting Cupcake and his merry band of bullies as he walked past. “At ease, gentlemen.”

Halfway to the back he located a free seat. Slowly strapping himself in he glanced up and caught sight of Uhura who raised her nose in the air and rolled her eyes at him. “Never did get that first name.”

A commotion around the corner pulled his attention away from the female Scott look-alike to where a female academy officer was forcibly moving a rather scruffy looking middle aged man out of the restroom.

“You need a doctor,” she stated in a firm voice.

“I told you people,” the man sounded harassed as they pushed him down the isle towards where Jim was sitting. “I don't need a doctor. I am a doctor.”

“You need to get back to your seat.”

“I had one in the bathroom with no windows.”

“You need to get back to your seat, now!” The academy officer was now looking nearly as harassed as the ‘doctor’ was but also looked like she was one step away from pulling a phaser on him as well.

“I suffer from aviophobia. It means fear of dying in something that flies.”

The officer glared at the doctor where he had stopped in the isle, preventing anyone else from walking past. “Sir, for your own safety, sit down or else I'll make you sit down.” To Jim’s eyes she looked like she badly wanted him to ‘make’ her make him sit down.

The doctor seemed to realize it as well. “Fine.”

“Thank you.”

With a huff and an angry scowl the doctor dropped down into the empty seat next to Jim and yanked on the seatbelts before turning his glare on Jim.

The sound of Captain Pike’s voice coming out over the comm. was not nearly as interesting to Jim as the man sitting next to him. “This is Captain Pike. We've been cleared for takeoff.”

The doctor leaned in towards Jim, his breath heavy with the scent of good bourbon. “I may throw up on you.”

Jim couldn’t help but think the man may have been a little crazy, but then the same could be said about him. “I think these things are pretty safe.”

“Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull, and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. A solar flare might pop up and cook us in our seats. And wait 'til your sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles. See if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger after darkness and silence.”

Good lord, Jim wondered how the man could talk so much without taking a breath. “Well, I hate to break this to you, but Starfleet operates in space.”

“Yeah, well, got nowhere else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I've got left is my bones.” The doctor pulled out a flask and took a long drink before offering it to Jim. Jim didn’t think there would be enough to get even one of them drunk on what the flask could hold but figured he should give it a shot. Especially if he was going to sit next aviophob on the shuttle. Honestly what kind of people was Starfleet recruiting now-a-days?

“Jim Kirk.”

“McCoy, Leonard McCoy.”  
 

 

 

The End


End file.
